New Beginnings
- Thread starter Delerium
- Start date
Started to get triggered by a makeup commercial last night that showed a pretty woman in revealing clothing. I was looking at job ads and then on the same site started looking at ads for other stuff and after seeing alluring photos my mind was starting to go places it should not go.
I almost went to meditation group tonight but turned away at the last minute. I did not want to be triggered (ie. get upset and depressed) seeing the woman who can only be friends with me. I think I have to stay away for awhile if I am triggered like that. I've been looking into various meetup groups, not necessarily to meet someone for dating but just to get to know more people, make new friends.
Today my cravings were the strongest, have not given in so far.
I almost went to meditation group tonight but turned away at the last minute. I did not want to be triggered (ie. get upset and depressed) seeing the woman who can only be friends with me. I think I have to stay away for awhile if I am triggered like that. I've been looking into various meetup groups, not necessarily to meet someone for dating but just to get to know more people, make new friends.
Today my cravings were the strongest, have not given in so far.
Thanks Bob, I have to say hitting day 40 and the cravings seem to have come back. I just woke up after 3 hours of sleep and cannot get back to bed. I'm overthinking and ruminating.
It has been very, very tempting the last two days to release and relapse.
I don't know why but once I hit 40 days It has been very challenging.
It has been very, very tempting the last two days to release and relapse.
I don't know why but once I hit 40 days It has been very challenging.
C
Chip
Guest
Congrats on 40, its important. I know you've been struggling and I can identify with your lady struggles too. I use to be the most shy guy around, never went on a date til I was 21 and my wife is the only woman I have ever kissed, period. Had sex for first time on my honeymoon at 25, but me and porn go back much further, sadly. I found porn at 8 and MO at 12 and I believe 100% they contributed to my shyness and difficulties socially. Its a fact, PMO causes you to withdraw, causes depression and diminishes how we view ourselves. I think as you continue to get further from PMO you'll begin to find your inner virile man and the women can tell, they can see the new confidence. Keep it up, the rewards are plenty and recovery is within your grasp.
Chip
Chip
Anothertry
Active Member
Hi Delirium,
Yeah, cravings are very mysterious, as you recover, they can disappear for weeks so that you almost forget about them...and then come back very strong. I've experienced that in the past. Just know that as you keep on going the cravings do get less and less overall...
Yeah, cravings are very mysterious, as you recover, they can disappear for weeks so that you almost forget about them...and then come back very strong. I've experienced that in the past. Just know that as you keep on going the cravings do get less and less overall...
RuntoSpirit
Active Member
Hi Delirium.
I Hope you are doing well now that you are through your 40 days. Chip sent me a note that 40 was the number of testing.
Here is that clipped from my journal:
You are nearing 40 days PMO free, that is an important milestone biblicaly speaking. Below is a quote from Erasmus-xlt on the meaning of 40.
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=9185.msg96528#msg96528
Quote from: Erasmus_xlt on June 09, 2016, 10:28:33 AM
Biblically speaking 40 is a number related to testing: It rained 40 days and 40 nights; Moses was in Egypt 40 years, 40 years he lived in the wilderness and 40 years he led Israel in the wilderness; Jonah preached to Nineveh for 40 days; Jesus was tempted for 40 days and Jesus ascended 40 days after his resurrection.
---
At any rate hope you are doing well.
Cheers.
I Hope you are doing well now that you are through your 40 days. Chip sent me a note that 40 was the number of testing.
Here is that clipped from my journal:
You are nearing 40 days PMO free, that is an important milestone biblicaly speaking. Below is a quote from Erasmus-xlt on the meaning of 40.
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=9185.msg96528#msg96528
Quote from: Erasmus_xlt on June 09, 2016, 10:28:33 AM
Biblically speaking 40 is a number related to testing: It rained 40 days and 40 nights; Moses was in Egypt 40 years, 40 years he lived in the wilderness and 40 years he led Israel in the wilderness; Jonah preached to Nineveh for 40 days; Jesus was tempted for 40 days and Jesus ascended 40 days after his resurrection.
---
At any rate hope you are doing well.
Cheers.
Hey those passages are really cool, thanks for telling me Runtospirit.
So a couple of days ago my craving was really bad. I have no idea why. I did not give in though. Yesterday was better though.
Yesterday I met with someone to talk about my resume and a pretty employee at Starbucks was looking at me and smiled a couple of times. Very pretty girl with the girl next door look. I did not have any sexual thoughts about her, what a surprise! I did not have the urge to M to O or PMO after I got home. What an ego boost though, she had such a sweet smile. I was feeling down yesterday too but after the meeting to talk about my resume I was feeling more positive and hopeful.
Today the woman I came to love with at the spiritual group emailed me. I have not replied yet, she just asked how I'm doing. I'm trying to remind myself it might not be about me (ie. that she only wants friendship) because she is 56 and going through menopause. She was also in a very long emotionally abusive relationship. After that she has stayed and been single for years.
I believe I'm still going through withdrawal because I've had lots of anger, irritation and restlessness. Every day the depression is not as bad, but the anger seems to be getting worse. I almost hit a pedestrian with my car yesterday as I was turning and she was waiting to cross at the light. I could have waited 10 seconds for her to cross. It's like I didn't care. I went to the gym earlier and that helped me calm down, then I was waiting on the phone for over 90 minutes to talk to a rep with credit card company over a dispute and found myself getting really mad again. I decided to put it on speaker while I waited and went to meditate for about 10 min. It helped. One good thing about the anger though is that I was getting a lot done earlier, tidying up my place.
Okay going to reply to the friend who emailed me. I do appreciate that she cares about me still even if she doesn't want the same thing.
Thanks for all your support. It really helps on this journey. I feel I need to aim for 90 days.
So a couple of days ago my craving was really bad. I have no idea why. I did not give in though. Yesterday was better though.
Yesterday I met with someone to talk about my resume and a pretty employee at Starbucks was looking at me and smiled a couple of times. Very pretty girl with the girl next door look. I did not have any sexual thoughts about her, what a surprise! I did not have the urge to M to O or PMO after I got home. What an ego boost though, she had such a sweet smile. I was feeling down yesterday too but after the meeting to talk about my resume I was feeling more positive and hopeful.
Today the woman I came to love with at the spiritual group emailed me. I have not replied yet, she just asked how I'm doing. I'm trying to remind myself it might not be about me (ie. that she only wants friendship) because she is 56 and going through menopause. She was also in a very long emotionally abusive relationship. After that she has stayed and been single for years.
I believe I'm still going through withdrawal because I've had lots of anger, irritation and restlessness. Every day the depression is not as bad, but the anger seems to be getting worse. I almost hit a pedestrian with my car yesterday as I was turning and she was waiting to cross at the light. I could have waited 10 seconds for her to cross. It's like I didn't care. I went to the gym earlier and that helped me calm down, then I was waiting on the phone for over 90 minutes to talk to a rep with credit card company over a dispute and found myself getting really mad again. I decided to put it on speaker while I waited and went to meditate for about 10 min. It helped. One good thing about the anger though is that I was getting a lot done earlier, tidying up my place.
Okay going to reply to the friend who emailed me. I do appreciate that she cares about me still even if she doesn't want the same thing.
Thanks for all your support. It really helps on this journey. I feel I need to aim for 90 days.
C
Chip
Guest
Most everything your feeling can be attributed to the withdrawals and your brain re-balancing. However 90 minutes on hold is ridiculous, I'm mad thinking about it for you. 
Keep digging, your inner "Dude" is taking shape, but mind the pedestrians they don't make good hood ornaments.
Keep digging, your inner "Dude" is taking shape, but mind the pedestrians
they don't make good hood ornaments.Thanks Chip. Anger has dissipated, I haven't felt it lately. Actually on Tuesday the friend I really like emailed to ask how I was doing. I opened up and told her I was recently diagnosed for ADD and dealing with withdrawal from an addiction. I did not tell her what the addiction was from. I also told her how I'm looking for a new line of work to take the pressure off. She said she'd be going to see Star Trek Beyond and asked if I wanted to join her. I agreed. Well I did not get upset or depressed seeing her. She gave me a nice hug hello, saying it was nice to see me and I said the same. It turns out she is a Star Trek fan as well and we both enjoyed the movie. Wow, so I was able to let go of my feelings for her. If I can do that I can let go of porn too.
When we were walking to our cars we talked a bit more and she asked if the addiction was from sleep medications and I said no. I said it had to do with a chemical naturally produced by the body. I just could not tell her what it really was. I feel that I was open enough. She was happy that I seem to be clear on what needs to be done and that I'm not in a dark place. She had a calming influence on me. Ever since I saw her I have not been angry or depressed. She just wanted to be there for me. I feel lucky to have a caring friend like her.
I have not had any bad cravings for a couple of days.
When we were walking to our cars we talked a bit more and she asked if the addiction was from sleep medications and I said no. I said it had to do with a chemical naturally produced by the body. I just could not tell her what it really was. I feel that I was open enough. She was happy that I seem to be clear on what needs to be done and that I'm not in a dark place. She had a calming influence on me. Ever since I saw her I have not been angry or depressed. She just wanted to be there for me. I feel lucky to have a caring friend like her.
I have not had any bad cravings for a couple of days.
Anothertry
Active Member
Hi Delerium. That sounds really cool. Sounds like you're doing great managing some tricky feelings that can be really triggering. And yeah- I think you know best how open you feel comfortable being with your friends. A girl whose into star trek though....no wonder you liked her!
C
Chip
Guest
Bravo, that is wonderful news.
Thanks guys! Yeah we also saw the latest Star Wars together, she loves sci-fi just like I do. We have quite a bit in common actually.
Still getting cravings once in awhile and sleep has not been that good the last several days. I am waking up a few times during the night and in the mornings I wake up feeling tired. Sometimes I feel down because I don't sleep well but other times does not bother me too much. In the past when I'd wake up like this I'd look at porn to help me get back to sleep. I'm not falling back into that.
Still getting cravings once in awhile and sleep has not been that good the last several days. I am waking up a few times during the night and in the mornings I wake up feeling tired. Sometimes I feel down because I don't sleep well but other times does not bother me too much. In the past when I'd wake up like this I'd look at porn to help me get back to sleep. I'm not falling back into that.
C
Chip
Guest
I use to do the exact same thing, I think in some ways its a mind trick. Kudo's for staying strong.Delerium said:
Thanks Chip!
Cravings appear to be coming less and less. Last night was the first night I slept 8 hours in ages. I meditated in the morning, also avoided coffee in the afternoon.
I also had another job rejection a few days ago but instead of dragging me down and leading me to porn again, I did not give in. I'm still going, still sending out resumes. Before I took the easy way out by not dealing with stuff and turning to porn. I made the wrong choices.
I started to clean up my place as well and get more organized.
I will continue to make the harder choice and that means dealing with whatever issues need to be dealt with instead of running away. I owe myself this honesty because I was in denial for years.
Cravings appear to be coming less and less. Last night was the first night I slept 8 hours in ages. I meditated in the morning, also avoided coffee in the afternoon.
I also had another job rejection a few days ago but instead of dragging me down and leading me to porn again, I did not give in. I'm still going, still sending out resumes. Before I took the easy way out by not dealing with stuff and turning to porn. I made the wrong choices.
I started to clean up my place as well and get more organized.
I will continue to make the harder choice and that means dealing with whatever issues need to be dealt with instead of running away. I owe myself this honesty because I was in denial for years.
C
Chip
Guest
You keep your head up, your doing the right things and I have no doubt the right job will present itself. I'm here if you need me.
"I will continue to make the harder choice..." Bravo Delerium. Keep leaning into the difficult, the uncomfortable, the challenging. Every time you don't give in to an urge, every time you avoid thinking about or remembering porn, every time you focus on what matters, imagine applause from all of us - you are getting stronger every day. No matter what the dopamine withdrawal does to you, keep in mind that it won't last, you will feel better, you will succeed. The Force will be with you...always.
Anothertry
Active Member
Delerium,
Thank you. Reading about you staying strong helped me today.
Thank you. Reading about you staying strong helped me today.
Hey guys,
Sorry it's been awhile. I've been doing well then I have my down days when I'm not feeling so good about myself or my life but still exercising, hanging out with friends, have not given in to porn although sometimes the cravings come back really strong.
Lately sleep has been poor again, only slept about 3 hours. My habit before was to PMO then go back to bed, but did not do that last night. Craving is really strong today because of lack of sleep and usually negative emotions follow from that.
For the first time in awhile I'm going to pray to a higher power to ask for help. It's a nice day outside so going to go out to break this negative mood after I do another resume update again. Tomorrow is an open house for an internet service provider I want to get a position at. A friend who works there said he will refer me.
Thanks for all your support and I wish you the best in your journeys as well.
Sorry it's been awhile. I've been doing well then I have my down days when I'm not feeling so good about myself or my life but still exercising, hanging out with friends, have not given in to porn although sometimes the cravings come back really strong.
Lately sleep has been poor again, only slept about 3 hours. My habit before was to PMO then go back to bed, but did not do that last night. Craving is really strong today because of lack of sleep and usually negative emotions follow from that.
For the first time in awhile I'm going to pray to a higher power to ask for help. It's a nice day outside so going to go out to break this negative mood after I do another resume update again. Tomorrow is an open house for an internet service provider I want to get a position at. A friend who works there said he will refer me.
Thanks for all your support and I wish you the best in your journeys as well.
Wow prayer really works.
I prayed to Archangel Raphael (the healer) and God and asked for strength and to rid myself of the temptation and suddenly as soon as I asked I no longer had the craving.
I've prayed a couple of times many months ago when I was going through difficult times emotionally and the quick response is absolutely amazing. I'm floored by it. I don't expect a quick response every time though but it's nice when it happens.
I was raised Catholic.
I'm aiming for 90 days, then 100.
I prayed to Archangel Raphael (the healer) and God and asked for strength and to rid myself of the temptation and suddenly as soon as I asked I no longer had the craving.
I've prayed a couple of times many months ago when I was going through difficult times emotionally and the quick response is absolutely amazing. I'm floored by it. I don't expect a quick response every time though but it's nice when it happens.
I was raised Catholic.
I'm aiming for 90 days, then 100.