After a week of on and off relapsing and before this goes any further i^m gonna make a major effort to just get back on the reboot track.
I have learned a great deal about the effects of porn use on my mental health this last week.
After porn binge and MO I woke up feeling depersonalised from myself. I had come on leaps and bounds during my reboot and it was quite obvious that porn use is causing this state-of-mind . This is when I lost the porn fight. The one thing on this planet to make me feel normal again was the one thing that had taken that feeling away.
For future reference (mostly for myself) here's how it unravelled: I was on YouTube and watched a video of a model modelling a leather pants. Long story short, she was gorgeous, and I MO.
The next day, I felt great, but that leather pants was on my mind. I avoided MO that night but the next night, I watched that video again and MO... but I wasn't done there I googled leather pants and I was away. That morning I felt pretty good, but knew I was coming undone so that night I managed to avoid porn, but the last two nights I have PMO. I'm here now trying to stop the rot.
A few days ago a quote popped up on fb which a friend had liked. When I read it, I realized how much progress I had thrown away.
"I understood myself, only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself did I know who I really was." - Sade Andria Zabala
If anyone wants an accountability partner, i'm interested. other than that, just to say I feel like an ass for relapsing, but it's done, and while I still feel good, this reboot is done too.
What works best for me is one day at a time, so that's my focus. Here we go....
Harpoon