GBS
Respected Member
Those positives are amazing @PrometheusUnbound - remember to love yourself too.
Moving Forward
- Thread starter PrometheusUnbound
- Start date
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 269; no MO Day 75; no SUB Day 6
I had a nice day with my family yesterday. Urges are low at the moment, although internet use hasn't been healthy. I've had to admit that although I was bingeing on YT because I was tired and stressed, actually it has been making me more tired and stressed. And there were a few times that I wasn't patient with my partner and son and it wasn't because of life happening to me, it was because I wasn't taking care of myself and couldn't regulate my emotions. "Sorry I was a dick to you and our son; I was watching videos about the Kendrick and Drake beef and Tik Tok shorts copied to YouTube way past my bedtime even though I knew I had to be up early to give him his milk and take him to kindergarten." It's a weird sentence to say, especially as an over 40-year-old. But there it is. Made a gratitude list with my partner yesterday which was nice. Her father is quite ill and it's quite possible he is on his way out so we have agreed to take care of ourselves better so we can be ready for whatever situations arise.
I've continued the no-fantasy rule with intimacies. It's working well to an extent, although I do have strong urges to supplement and top up my pleasure with extras. I will just continue to work with this until it becomes more natural. It's quite something how porn had made me so focused on my own pleasure for so long, and how selfish I've become about that over the years. The amazing thing is though that I spend so much less time thinking about and needing (wanting) sex than I used to. I guess it's logical because I don't spend hours of each day watching people do it and simulating it with my hand, but experientially it's not something I thought would or could ever happen. Another small effect of this has been that I do feel a bit more present. The pull of pining over exes etc. does seem to be a little less strong than before and I think my partner can feel it.
Have a great week!
I had a nice day with my family yesterday. Urges are low at the moment, although internet use hasn't been healthy. I've had to admit that although I was bingeing on YT because I was tired and stressed, actually it has been making me more tired and stressed. And there were a few times that I wasn't patient with my partner and son and it wasn't because of life happening to me, it was because I wasn't taking care of myself and couldn't regulate my emotions. "Sorry I was a dick to you and our son; I was watching videos about the Kendrick and Drake beef and Tik Tok shorts copied to YouTube way past my bedtime even though I knew I had to be up early to give him his milk and take him to kindergarten." It's a weird sentence to say, especially as an over 40-year-old. But there it is. Made a gratitude list with my partner yesterday which was nice. Her father is quite ill and it's quite possible he is on his way out so we have agreed to take care of ourselves better so we can be ready for whatever situations arise.
I've continued the no-fantasy rule with intimacies. It's working well to an extent, although I do have strong urges to supplement and top up my pleasure with extras. I will just continue to work with this until it becomes more natural. It's quite something how porn had made me so focused on my own pleasure for so long, and how selfish I've become about that over the years. The amazing thing is though that I spend so much less time thinking about and needing (wanting) sex than I used to. I guess it's logical because I don't spend hours of each day watching people do it and simulating it with my hand, but experientially it's not something I thought would or could ever happen. Another small effect of this has been that I do feel a bit more present. The pull of pining over exes etc. does seem to be a little less strong than before and I think my partner can feel it.
Have a great week!
GBS
Respected Member
Good honesty @PrometheusUnbound - I think you fully know the path you’re on. It is not an easy one to tread, but as you can see the path, there’s sort of no excuse. Keep going. It’s difficult. I reckon there are literally millions of men ho know they’re doing themselves harm but just can’t resist. You have proved you have backbone, so you’re one in a million.
Or put another way….you’re a fucking hero.
Or put another way….you’re a fucking hero.
PrometheusUnbound
Active Member
No PMO Day 275; no MO Day 81; no SUB Day 11
It's been an intense week. I've been ill but my body has been putting it off due to other concerns. I had come back late from work the evening after my last post and the flat was dark and empty. Cue catastrophising thoughts about the worst. I called my partner and she was at the police station with our son. Fortunately he was unharmed but she was unable to explain what had happened. I think it was some kind of alcohol induced breakdown compounded by the medications she is on while she was out with him. Some people in the neighbourhood had called the police a few times because they were concerned. It took everything I had to keep calm, get him home to bed and plead with her to go to bed too; and not do anything crazy like go out and drink more. She wasn't exactly polite about it.
The next day I asked her to call AA and go to the doctor and thankfully she agreed to do both things. She has been to two meetings this week and plans to keep going. I do have some small reservations about the nature of AA but I am glad she finally seems to be seeing the seriousness of the problem and is taking steps in the right direction (I hope). I am very grateful that nothing happened to our son. Her father, who is now quite seriously ill has had his own health problems compounded by a long unhealthy (and unacknowledged) drinking habit. She is starting to see a familial pattern. It makes me worry about our son in the future - both parents having had all these issues (and both of our fathers). So I am staying committed to heading in the right direction.
We will see how this all pans out. I am trying to be as compassionate as possible and share things about my ongoing journeys that might be of help. She has been supportive in my struggles so now it's my turn. One good thing is that I haven't really had the desire to act out by using porn at all. I have had urges to wank but I know I won't do it. I'm also making sure to do at least 10 minutes of meditation on hectic days when there isn't much time. And that, even when unfocused and filled with thoughts, really creates a space of calm clarity I can touch in times of stress - something I have never had before.
A quote from a recent podcast episode I enjoyed:
"Trying to hate myself into becoming a better person. It doesn't work."
PS. Fury vs. Usyk - what a fight!
It's been an intense week. I've been ill but my body has been putting it off due to other concerns. I had come back late from work the evening after my last post and the flat was dark and empty. Cue catastrophising thoughts about the worst. I called my partner and she was at the police station with our son. Fortunately he was unharmed but she was unable to explain what had happened. I think it was some kind of alcohol induced breakdown compounded by the medications she is on while she was out with him. Some people in the neighbourhood had called the police a few times because they were concerned. It took everything I had to keep calm, get him home to bed and plead with her to go to bed too; and not do anything crazy like go out and drink more. She wasn't exactly polite about it.
The next day I asked her to call AA and go to the doctor and thankfully she agreed to do both things. She has been to two meetings this week and plans to keep going. I do have some small reservations about the nature of AA but I am glad she finally seems to be seeing the seriousness of the problem and is taking steps in the right direction (I hope). I am very grateful that nothing happened to our son. Her father, who is now quite seriously ill has had his own health problems compounded by a long unhealthy (and unacknowledged) drinking habit. She is starting to see a familial pattern. It makes me worry about our son in the future - both parents having had all these issues (and both of our fathers). So I am staying committed to heading in the right direction.
We will see how this all pans out. I am trying to be as compassionate as possible and share things about my ongoing journeys that might be of help. She has been supportive in my struggles so now it's my turn. One good thing is that I haven't really had the desire to act out by using porn at all. I have had urges to wank but I know I won't do it. I'm also making sure to do at least 10 minutes of meditation on hectic days when there isn't much time. And that, even when unfocused and filled with thoughts, really creates a space of calm clarity I can touch in times of stress - something I have never had before.
A quote from a recent podcast episode I enjoyed:
"Trying to hate myself into becoming a better person. It doesn't work."
PS. Fury vs. Usyk - what a fight!