Recent content by happydude619

Today's entry will be a short one. Following the inevitable build-up and unstoppable march towards a PMO, I now currently have six perfectly clean days under my belt. Looking at my PA/recovery tracker, only 53% of this year has been properly monitored, the rest is just completely...

Today’s journal entry won’t be such a philosophical or existential one like recent ones have been. Instead I just want to touch on recovery and fitness. Regarding P and recovery, as overall timeframes are concerned it is just over 12 years since I discovered my PA, and maybe as much as 20 years...

God dammit, timing out and losing what I’ve drafted!! I’d forgotten about that feature due to not posting regularly for a while. Oh well, being currently unemployed I probably need the extra typing practice… What I’d written concerned something else I remembered about the time last year when I...

Journal entry: Part 2 of 2 For me, the whole experience (with the girl from last year) didn't actually do anything to boost my self confidence and esteem with girls insomuch as a girl seeming to like me and wanting to have sex with me; arguably the opposite happened. For me, sex has always been...

Journal entry: Part 1 of 2 Something I didn't mention in journal entries last year or this year do concern a very brief relationship that I had with someone. I didn't discuss it at the time because I just wasn't ready to discuss it. In late June 2022 there was a work event - a music concert -...

My goodness - Eight months since I last updated my journal. On the one hand, it only seems a few weeks since the month of February but on the other, I barely recall making journal entries at the beginning of this year and if I'd been asked to guess the last time I posted I would have said...

It's now three weeks since my last PMO. General P cravings have cooled and it's all been pretty positive. There have still been moments of consuming sexualised, but not explicit, material so I need to work on cutting out this behaviour. It's so easy for things to 'snowball', as I have learnt...

It makes a change to have a post that contains some good news. It's been over two weeks since my last PMO 'event' and my commitment to keeping away from P has been much better than it has been for many months. During the night I've noticed that whilst keeping away from P my brain activity is a...

So far January has been a bit of a mixed bag with old cycles raising their head. I'll have 4-6 days of remaining in control and keeping wholly clean but then, over the course of 2-3 days, I'll escalate from mildly sexual material, which isn't P, to a full blown PMO. The most recent of these PMOs...

Talk about 'dusting off' my journal; it's been 9 months since I last posted. My oh my, how time can seem to fly by whilst also feeling as if it is remaining utterly static. Skim-reading my previous entries, a simple copy-and-paste exercise would be sufficient for this current entry because...

Urgh!! Nearly three months since I added to my journal... Which begs the question of "Why update it now?". Well honestly, I'm not too sure other than I just feel like 'downloading' a few thoughts. Life continues to be a silent, mental maelstrom. On the surface everything about my life probably...

I could probably copy and paste much of the previous entry regarding how well I've done over the last week. The summary would be: It was OK, it could have been better, it could have been worse. The one thing that is challenging right now is 'maintenance' my general physical health. It will soon...

I've not been formally tracking my day-to-day progress over the last 2-3 weeks but the last thing I marked on my tracker was a PMO on 13 Dec. 21. Since then my general behaviour (from memory) has actually been better than the last few months because I haven't PMO'd again and only on a few...

History continues to repeat itself. I slip / PMO, I make it clean for a few days, watching P then seeps back into my daily pre-sleep routine, then a week to two weeks later I end up PMO'ing and the cycle starts all over again. One of the changes recently is that I have been meeting up with...

I still find myself looking at P. Before lockdowns were relaxed and I started meeting up with more people, I found comfort through P due to being completely isolated and lacking any sort of social contact. The extended isolation and reflection time shone a blindingly-bright beam of light on my...