So I am about to turn 19, and I am about to go to college so I decided that I need to quit porn. I (initially) wanted to quit because I knew I'd have a room mate, and I also think that masturbation has weakened my PC muscles and/or enlarged my prostate and has been causing me to need to go to the bathroom at night (whereas I won't have a bathroom in my room in college). So I decided to quit.
Here's my story (Warning: Possible Triggers)
I had a bed-wetting problem from the time I was 8 until I was 14 and a half. This hurt my confidence big time as a kid, but I was a gymnast and was ripped as hell until 13, so that helped. Okay, so after I stopped having that problem, I soon encountered another problem. The summer of my 15th birthday, I started having "white dreams" every few nights. This completely freaked me out because I had no idea that it was possible to ejaculate in your sleep. I had never masturbated before cause all the douche bags in middle school did that and so I didn't want to be like them. So I did some research on "white dreams" and I found out that if I masturbated semi-regularly they would stop. You can say I was a late bloomer, cause I also never really had much of a sex drive either.
(Skip this paragraph to avoid triggers)
So I started off with still images of girls in bikinis, using the Sports Illustrated Bikini website. I began to look at other bikini websites as well. (this was all in time that I was home alone because of using a family computer). I then started looking at stripteases on youtube and break.com, and eventually I found playboy.com. This was funny because at first, looking at naked, or even just topless girls made me feel sick to my stomach. However, I started to find it attractive. Eventually I started watching lesbian porn, because looking at penises made me feel disgusting and sick. I started masturbating more regularly, every time I had a few minutes of being home alone. I started also watching porn when my family was home, but in the "den" where nobody but me regularly went. I currently (up until I quit) would really only watch lesbian porn and "Massage" porn up to the point where they actually have sex. Sometimes I did watch when they had sex just cause I liked seeing the girls tits or ass bounce, but it felt weird/like a pervert.
This has continued to current times. Except that 2.5 years ago I got a tablet and so I was able to watch porn more regularly because I could do it while I was sitting on the couch and watching tv. I also got a computer during last fall and I think I started watching porn even more regularly. And I almost always PMO when I watch porn. I began to PMO when I was bored, "just because," and also when I was stressed. Though it never really seem to help a whole lot.
I have tried to quit several times, just because it was against my morals, but always come back for one reason or another. But now that I am so close to college I have a real, substantive reason that I NEED to quit because of. I began doing research on "how to quit porn" and stuff and I found the Ted talk by Gary Wilson "The Great Porn Experiment" and realized I was addicted to porn. I recently went on a 10 day trip to London, and every day when my family got back to our hotel, I went in the other room cause I HAD to watch porn (even though I didn't PMO, I just watched it). This didn't seem weird to me at the time, but now I realize I was addicted to porn. I have been looking at other videos, like Gabe Deem's video and other blogs. I now feel educated and am watching "The Great Porn Experiment" every day to keep motivated/continue to stay educated, and also to add a "scare" factor to porn.
I think that porn had a lot more of a mental effect on me than I realized. I am pretty sure it is the cause of me recently becoming embarrassed at things I used to not be embarrassed over, and I also began not being able to control my emotions very well either.
However, I am having a problem that I have had a few other times when I tried to quit. I am having "white dreams" again. In the four nights since I haven't PMO'd I have had a "white dream" twice. Normally this is a cause for me to go back to PMO, however I now have a lot more reason and will power to not go back. I am hoping that because I am not an extreme addict, that this is a habit that my body has and that it will go away naturally on its own. The scary part is that last night, my white dream happened during a "porn fantasy" dream that I have occasionally.
I am currently 4 days in to no porn/no PMO and am going to continue forever. I hope it cures me of all of my problems and allows me to have a successful life.
Here's my story (Warning: Possible Triggers)
I had a bed-wetting problem from the time I was 8 until I was 14 and a half. This hurt my confidence big time as a kid, but I was a gymnast and was ripped as hell until 13, so that helped. Okay, so after I stopped having that problem, I soon encountered another problem. The summer of my 15th birthday, I started having "white dreams" every few nights. This completely freaked me out because I had no idea that it was possible to ejaculate in your sleep. I had never masturbated before cause all the douche bags in middle school did that and so I didn't want to be like them. So I did some research on "white dreams" and I found out that if I masturbated semi-regularly they would stop. You can say I was a late bloomer, cause I also never really had much of a sex drive either.
(Skip this paragraph to avoid triggers)
So I started off with still images of girls in bikinis, using the Sports Illustrated Bikini website. I began to look at other bikini websites as well. (this was all in time that I was home alone because of using a family computer). I then started looking at stripteases on youtube and break.com, and eventually I found playboy.com. This was funny because at first, looking at naked, or even just topless girls made me feel sick to my stomach. However, I started to find it attractive. Eventually I started watching lesbian porn, because looking at penises made me feel disgusting and sick. I started masturbating more regularly, every time I had a few minutes of being home alone. I started also watching porn when my family was home, but in the "den" where nobody but me regularly went. I currently (up until I quit) would really only watch lesbian porn and "Massage" porn up to the point where they actually have sex. Sometimes I did watch when they had sex just cause I liked seeing the girls tits or ass bounce, but it felt weird/like a pervert.
This has continued to current times. Except that 2.5 years ago I got a tablet and so I was able to watch porn more regularly because I could do it while I was sitting on the couch and watching tv. I also got a computer during last fall and I think I started watching porn even more regularly. And I almost always PMO when I watch porn. I began to PMO when I was bored, "just because," and also when I was stressed. Though it never really seem to help a whole lot.
I have tried to quit several times, just because it was against my morals, but always come back for one reason or another. But now that I am so close to college I have a real, substantive reason that I NEED to quit because of. I began doing research on "how to quit porn" and stuff and I found the Ted talk by Gary Wilson "The Great Porn Experiment" and realized I was addicted to porn. I recently went on a 10 day trip to London, and every day when my family got back to our hotel, I went in the other room cause I HAD to watch porn (even though I didn't PMO, I just watched it). This didn't seem weird to me at the time, but now I realize I was addicted to porn. I have been looking at other videos, like Gabe Deem's video and other blogs. I now feel educated and am watching "The Great Porn Experiment" every day to keep motivated/continue to stay educated, and also to add a "scare" factor to porn.
I think that porn had a lot more of a mental effect on me than I realized. I am pretty sure it is the cause of me recently becoming embarrassed at things I used to not be embarrassed over, and I also began not being able to control my emotions very well either.
However, I am having a problem that I have had a few other times when I tried to quit. I am having "white dreams" again. In the four nights since I haven't PMO'd I have had a "white dream" twice. Normally this is a cause for me to go back to PMO, however I now have a lot more reason and will power to not go back. I am hoping that because I am not an extreme addict, that this is a habit that my body has and that it will go away naturally on its own. The scary part is that last night, my white dream happened during a "porn fantasy" dream that I have occasionally.
I am currently 4 days in to no porn/no PMO and am going to continue forever. I hope it cures me of all of my problems and allows me to have a successful life.
