DeltaFosAware
Active Member
Others on here have experienced the destruction of marriages and human relationships.
What I wondered, looking back at my failed first marriage and looking at my on going incredibly healthy second relationship, is was it the porn that cause that 18 year relationship to fail or had the porn just become a response to a failing relationship?
I ask the question NOW because, since the first marriage ended, I've chosen to be pretty much Porn Free. The odd thing is that since the first marriage ended it has been possible to make that choice to simply not bother with porn. It's not like it has been a conscious avoidance of the stuff, it's more that it has mainly just fallen out of my life. I'm not saying I have not PMOed at all but the binging, the recycling and the reward have been dormant for over five years now.
I can not help but make the connection that PMO was my self-medication for emotional pain. My first marriage was to a woman who was frankly an emotional and mental bully. Now that seems really hard to say now but it wasn't until I realised the freedom of not having that woman in my life, that the pain cloud stop and it was like I no longer required the pain killers! Now, I'm not suggesting I have totally stopped but the PMO is not an issue! If anything I am possibly now more addicted to debating sites on the net, religious forums, political pages, social reform networks and a whole new but VIBRANT interaction! Maybe as well as no longer needing the PMO pain killer, I have just diversified into something else! (Oddly enough I know I have an addictive personality type. I'm amazingly glad I quit booze well before my marriage ended or I am totally CERTAIN I would have crawled inside a bottle and never come out...The addiction pathway, as we all know, is pretty much the same!)
So what do others feel about their own PMO? Have you used it to dull, self medicate and soothe your pains? It's easier to get to than booze and it's on tap 24/7... the shop never closes! Yet, do you remember the lonely, small hours, while the whole world was sleeping and it was just you, your keyboard and your right hand? Maybe it was not so much what we were enjoying that was our issue but more the thing we were running away from or the pain we were avoiding.