Trying again-reboot going through withdrawal

[nevergiveupman]

Hi all;
I've had a rough month or two after seriously losing motivation when a girl I liked dropped out of the scene.
I went onto some online dating sites and addictive behaviours soon followed.
I'm a not just a porn addict, but it also gets into real life behaviours.  Which, though at first seems fun, takes over very quickly, until I lose control and porn and sex-seeking becomes pretty constant; until I'm avoiding duties and responsibilties and sleeping very little.  I soon get depressed and exhausted and lose site of my goals or the kind of man I want to be.
I know from abstinent periods that I feel much better and become a much friendlier and patient person.  But that high is so intense, that it seems like the 5 minutes of intense euphoria is worth the days and hours of misery.
Even now, I know the craving and addiction will be calling out to me later.

Thanks for being here

 

[nevergiveupman]

On day six--yesterday the withdrawal was very painful.  Total monkey mind...pain in the brain, agitation.  And I was feeling so tired for a few days!  Like I had to take naps.  Anyways, this addiction just destroys everything I love, makes me crazy.
What worked yesterday was a good workout (it took awhile to get into it--I had to force myself to go to the gym, but after about 45 minutes, got some energy), playing guitar, and getting out to a healthy social event.
Feeling a lot less gloomy this morning.
One thing I have to be careful of is "rewarding" myself with porn or acting out sexually somehow (it always begins with some version of porn) or masturbating.  "you can never get enough of what doesn't satisfy".
Anyways, one breath at a time.

 

[nevergiveupman]

Hey again
Well I had around 12 days and the first week was brutal! Mental anguish and agony...brutal!  I need to remember all the pain and misery porn causes.
Anyways I started feeling upbeat and strong around day 10.
Then I started noticing all the beautiful women around!
So I thought, heck it's the weekend, why not try online dating again?
Beautiful single women on there too!
So after messaging with various attractive women, one of them seemed very promising (she even said she thought I was hot etc...) we met up.  By this time I was so horny and getting blue balls, all I could think about was sex.
She was thinking the same way (she told me later) but she was playing it cool.
We watched some tv and she started stroking my hand and arm, which felt great.  Then she snuggled in and we started making out; and had very passionate sex...
For some guys on here this would be amazing ! but for me, I want to be abstinent for a while.  I have never had PIED, just compulsive behaviour always started on the internet.
One thing I have noticed:  when I meet women in real life through work or whatever, I try to get to know them and become friends with them.  I see the whole person and enjoy the process of getting to know them, which of course takes time!
If I meet a woman on a dating site, I have sex immediately with them; first date.
I think because my brain associates Internet with porn and immediate gratification; so women I meet on there become to my mind like porn come to life.  So I want to have sex with them.  But none of them I want to have a real relationship with.
So I am blocking dating sites--it's not my vision for myself, or what I am supposed to be doing with the time God has given me.  Peace!