i'm 17, a virgin, never has a gf, low self-esteem. i got into porn when i was 12. but i really got addicted when i was 14 yrs old.i masturbated w/ porn every day but still normaly attracted to girls Then now, hocd struck me from outta nowhere. so i got extremely anxious, and depressed, but i know to myself that i'm straight and i like girls. so i tested myself by watching porn then masturbate to prove. then suddenly, when i see a guy, there is this groinal response and more intrusive thoughts, sensations. But i didn't and never will watch porn. Cause i know it will make things worse. then after that i knew it was pied w/ hocd.i never got erect by will w/o porn, but when i see a guy or when something "gay" pops out of my mind i got groinal response or unwanted arousal. then i stared the nofap. it's been 5 days.but the hocd got worse. where i became afraid to look or get close to guys which causes me to socialize less because i fear that i'll have a groinal response. my attraction to women was gone and my hocd is feeding me up. i wanted to give in. but i know in the deepest of my heart i'm straight and i'll marry a inborn woman. there are also these thoughts that "you're a closeted gay", "you get aroused by men and not by women, you're gay, just accept it" but i hate it,i hate this feeling. i want my pure masculinity and attraction to women back. i heard this needs medication, but we can't afford money, and i don't want to be a burden anymore to my parents my mom knew this, but the only thing she can do right now is support me. the first day i was so positive, but in these 5 days it was hell. i just wish this won't affect my grades. what i'm doing rn is i quit porn absolutely, read motivational books, or play simple but mindful games on my phone for distraction. my question is do i need a gf for this. or i just need to concentrate on women? and is this the right way?(i have doubts)will i get my attraction to women back?because i desperately want women. . Anyone who experienced this, help me plsss. it's hell. I want to fall in love and get rock hard again to women.
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hocd then pied (got worse when i started nofap)
- Thread starter annonn
- Start date
Just know that u r not alone in this. U r straight and not gay. I'll tell u why, before watching porn u used to like women and never thoguht about men right? So first, u watch soft core and then ur mind get boered of it and seek for new things which is gay porn, u get hooked bcoz its new thing not bcoz u r gay, bcoz ur mind express new thing which make u feel good to see it. It just shows how porn is ugly. Second, ur mind will use ur worst wounds to make u go to porn and masturbution so u can give it that dopamine hit. As i said, if u never thought about men before watching porn, then u r straight. To treat this hocd, u gotta use ERP technique, which is facing ur fear. When u see a man and then ur mind tell u "he is hot, admit that u gay and u like him" immediately go to that guy and talk to him, for sure not ask him about his number but just to face ur fears. Even if he's a stranger, go and for example ask him can u tell me the direction to x mall? Or x company? And try to ask many questions so u can face ur fears as long as u can, then when he leaves, do not responed to ur thoughts and ideas, do not freak out just ignore them. Do not test ur self whether u will get erection or not. Just do ERP whenever the urges hits u.after doing ERP, immediately go and do something u love so u engage with positive actions after facing ur fears, whatever u like, it could be going out with a freind makes u laugh and enjoy ur time, exercising if u like it. Just whatever u like. At the beggining when u do ERP, u will be very anxious and terrified, u will feel horrible but continue doing it, as time passing by, u will feel better and better until ur hocd desappear for good. Im a female who suffered from hocd for 3 years and now i've completed 3 years without hocd, i've healed as im 100% sure that im straight. Never ever relapse and go back to pm. Reboot , heal ur self from hocd, while healing, rewire ur brain with a girl u love or u have a crush for, dont go for girls bcoz they r beautiful, go for a girl u have feeling for her as u can love her and experience intimacy with her. Beleive me u got this, u can get through this and u will. Everytime u thought of pm, just hate it and think of the bad things pm done for u,one of them hocd. If u need any help u can send me a mssg and i will answer ur questions. Stay up never down
well mz, i forgot to modify that i had a very mild hocd in childhood, but it faded away, and lived life as a straight man. hahaha well anyways, thank you. but i have this fear of when i don't respond not a single "NO!" in my mind the "gayness" will stay with me until it became a part of me. But i want to be straight. Also i never watched gay porn(not ever(not being homophobic)). i know it's hard. but is this applicable? when i encounter hocd thoughts or sensation just respond to it w/ no relief like when the hocd thoughts or sensation kicked in i'll just say "nah, i'm straight af" then ignore by using distractions? anyways thank you.
I thought that u watched gay porn, u like it and then ur hocd appears. If its not bcoz of porn then what is the cause for hocd? What that thing happened to u made u think u r gay? Sorry but im confused now. As in my case, porn caused my hocd bcoz of lesbian scens, before watching porn i never ever question ny sexual orientation, i didnt even know that there's something called gays! Like litearlly (i was 16 when i started watching porn) so in ur case and i dont know the cause. Have u ever get erection bcoz of man? Or its just something in ur mind. Have u ever got crush or love for a girl/boy? U gotta know the cause to solve a problem.
also when i was 10, i have girl crushes, then a handsome highschooler came, then i felt weird. so that's my first hocd kicked in. i've never done pmo in that age. i'm scared that i might be gay but it came off, i can't remember how. but in that young age, i knew i'm straight and wanted girls.
U never got erected to men, u have crushes only for girls, u never watched gay porn or u never liked it, then u r straight. Do not let hocd get to u. Ur hocd got worse after quitting porn bcoz u used porn to run away from ur problems and fears so u dont have to deal with them. Thats why it got worse bcoz u dont have a way to run from them, theres no porn. Running away is useless, it deosnt solve anything. Face ur fears and use the advices i gave u in the last post, commit to them and u will get ur hocd healed.