Hey everyone.
First of all, thank you all for keeping this forum so active, I can't even describe how much it helped me in realizing my
problem and taking steps in the direction of rehab from porn
I'm a 31 year old guy who grew up exactly at the period in which internet got faster and porn - easily available.
Thinking about the beginning, I started masturbating at the age of 13 to the pictures of naked girls, then short videos and in last few years much better and faster loading videos. I never had a relationship, even though I had sex with some girls starting from the age of 20.
What troubled me most was that sowly I had a growing interest in men. I felt like heterosexual porn became completely boring. I was watching more and more gay porn and got really turned on by that, while in life I couldn't imagine having sex with a guy. In time my curiosity grew further and I started thinking about trying to have sex with men, although every time there was an opportunity in terms of gay people around me, I felt I want to puke from the thought alone.
Needless to say that my desire for women went lower and lower, although it would come back if a girl showed interest i me. I had a constant fear of not getting erection and when I made out with girls I felt no response in my pants... that made me more anxious.
I was completely puzzled, I couldn't understand if I'm gay, straight or bisexual. I became obsessed with it but that being said, I did nothing to check how I would react when I try having sex with a guy.
I read here about HOCD and I fely like it fit my story just like a glove. on the other hand, I asked myself if it's not like reading a horoscope, you know...
I stopped masturbating and watching porn one month ago, with a great start, no side-effects although no morning wood and hunger for sex... now I suddenly feel I need sex so much, I only think about it all the time!!
The worse part is, I've been on tinder and other apps for days, with no success, that I suddenly check guys on these apps! I don't know what the hell is this- bordon, maybe my true gay comes out, but I'm completely depressed because of that!
Am I in denial? is this a normal part of rehab?? Please share you opinions or thoughts on that, I really need some inputs on this topic.
Thanks a lot, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!
First of all, thank you all for keeping this forum so active, I can't even describe how much it helped me in realizing my
problem and taking steps in the direction of rehab from porn
I'm a 31 year old guy who grew up exactly at the period in which internet got faster and porn - easily available.
Thinking about the beginning, I started masturbating at the age of 13 to the pictures of naked girls, then short videos and in last few years much better and faster loading videos. I never had a relationship, even though I had sex with some girls starting from the age of 20.
What troubled me most was that sowly I had a growing interest in men. I felt like heterosexual porn became completely boring. I was watching more and more gay porn and got really turned on by that, while in life I couldn't imagine having sex with a guy. In time my curiosity grew further and I started thinking about trying to have sex with men, although every time there was an opportunity in terms of gay people around me, I felt I want to puke from the thought alone.
Needless to say that my desire for women went lower and lower, although it would come back if a girl showed interest i me. I had a constant fear of not getting erection and when I made out with girls I felt no response in my pants... that made me more anxious.
I was completely puzzled, I couldn't understand if I'm gay, straight or bisexual. I became obsessed with it but that being said, I did nothing to check how I would react when I try having sex with a guy.
I read here about HOCD and I fely like it fit my story just like a glove. on the other hand, I asked myself if it's not like reading a horoscope, you know...
I stopped masturbating and watching porn one month ago, with a great start, no side-effects although no morning wood and hunger for sex... now I suddenly feel I need sex so much, I only think about it all the time!!
The worse part is, I've been on tinder and other apps for days, with no success, that I suddenly check guys on these apps! I don't know what the hell is this- bordon, maybe my true gay comes out, but I'm completely depressed because of that!
Am I in denial? is this a normal part of rehab?? Please share you opinions or thoughts on that, I really need some inputs on this topic.
Thanks a lot, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!