Get Learn real sex after rebooting- problem with pressure

[amator]

Hi,
I tell you whole story to put more light on my situation. Firstly I start watching porn for time to time, then I treat this like something which releases stress and motivates me. For example, I have to do some task, prepare to exam/ read book and masturbation was something which was the prize when I reach the goal. At the beginning, I can fantasize about girl missed on the street and this makes me come. As long as I go deeper I start watching galleries, then porn. The films needs to be harder and harder to make my dick hard. Finally, normal porn film couldn't turn me on, I need to watch some hardcore porn.

Connection in my brain between situation: me laying on bed with computer and pleasure was so strong. My dick becomes hard, when I lay with tissue on bed and computer was near to me ( environment which my brain associate with getting pleasure ), even If there was no porn turned on on the screen.

I felt that I have real problem, when I have a chance to get sex with real girl. She came to my place but my dick wasn't interested in her at all.  After that I blame some alcohol which we drink before going to bed. I started rebooting, when I failed  second attempt to have sex with her. I realized that source of my problem is addiction to hard pornography. From December to present I haven't seen any porn movie, I avoid situation where I can see some pictures of naked girls.

And here is the question, how u get learn of real sex? You try to touch yourself without any fantasies about girl. In which way you learn, how make yourself aroused? How you throw away pressure ? How you learn your body?

I met some girls and I can't control my dick. It become so hard randomly when I'm relaxed, not thinking that I need to be ready and I touch girls, dance closely, kiss them, but when I start thinking, that my dick should be hard/ I should be aroused, nothing works like you want to.

Few weeks ago, I go to date with one beautiful girl. I met her 2 times before. When we was sitting and kissing at the bar, I feel that my dick getting hard, like it wants to make whole at my trousers. Then we go to my place and I start to hear the voice at back of my head which say that I need to make her happy. I not thinking about making myself aroused. I just thinking that my dick needs to be hard and I failed one more time. I make her come with my lips and hand and have sleepless night thinking about whats wrong with me. That's why I'm asking this question, cause after learning sex from porn, sex seems to me automatic, when I go to bed I feel like I need to be perfect and this is wrong path. I should just feel and not thinking that I need to be like that, cause my body don't want to cooperate when I put a pressure on myself. 

Every tip/ link which you think is helpful would be priceless for me, cause I feel crushed and depressed,

Sorry for mistakes in text

 

[Fishy]

If you can get rock hard when not having pressure you are certainly on the right path. Try explaining your problem to a girl you are dating and then see if the pressure of takes the problem away as well. Cause I think after you yourself have no doubt it's going to be fine. And also stay away from pmo

 

[fugu]

Honestly, the best way to get your erections back is abstaining from all PMO from a good period of time. Not looking at porn again is (obviously) required for life if you want your erections back. However, besides that big golden rule, there is no "perfect" way to reboot. Some people have recovered with orgasms (from partners/masturbation) in their reboots. Here is a great story of somebody whose reboot included orgasms and he completely recovered: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=11691.0

However, I will say that most people find that having orgasm (even with a partner) in their reboot severely slows down or even completely stalls their recovery progress. I believe the surest and quickest way to reboot is avoiding all orgasms for a great deal of time. Rewiring and intimately connecting with a partner without orgasms retrains your brain to intimacy and romance instead of objectification. While it may seem strange that orgasms with a partner could hurt your reboot, remember that porn addicts have connected orgasms and pornography in our head for a long time - it's likely that orgasms, even with a partner, may stimulate some of the pesky old porn pathways in our brains. Fortunately, we can disassociate that connection by rewiring without orgasms.

 

[Bibbity]

You've already been given great advice so I will just add a bit.  When you are with a girl you don't have constant stroking of your penis like when you are masturbating.  Your penis is kind of on it's own which it's not used to, so it goes away quickly without constant manual stimulation.  You have programmed your mind and body to expect this during sexual arousal.  When it doesn't happen you go limp.  You have also trained your brain to process extremely explicit images and videos as part of your arousal mechanism which means a real woman doing real things is no longer arousing for your brain.

Basically all of this means you have to Retrain your brain to a real sexual experience.  Taking orgasm out of it, as Fugu mentioned, helps because you aren't so focused on whether or not you are hard and you are not rushing to orgasm (like when you masturbate).  Instead you can be focused on pleasuring your partner, feeling pleasure yourself (something thats missing from masturbation...which you will discover) and you will be relaxed.  Rewiring can be about cuddling, touching and being intimate in other ways besides sex.  It's about human interaction and touch, which is missing from porn.