Ajax
New Member
Hey I'm Ajax. I'm a 21 year old guy living in Alberta, Canada.
In this first post I would like to tell you about who I am and my relationship with porn. Be warned though, this may be a long post! In case you don't feel like reading everything I have made sections that you can skip to (yes I'm a dork
):
Section 1-- The Past
Section 2-- The Present
Section 3-- Strategies I have used
Section 4-- The Future
Feel free to say hi!
Section 1--The Past:
I will cut straight to the point. I started masturbating to sexual fantasy on a daily basis when I was five. Some of you may find that hard to believe, but there are many other NoFappers out there who can relate. Since I engaged in this behavior during the critical years of my development, I feel as if my childhood was never as great as it could have been.
Fast forward a few years: I discovered the bra section in the Sears catalogue lol. Wow, the day I found that I was ecstatic! I still remember cutting out one of the models so I could fap to her without dragging out the whole catalogue haha. I laugh about it now because, well, it was a catalogue, but this phase was foreshadowing what was to come.
Fast forward to age 13: My friend came over to my house and began using our family computer. He called me over and what I saw was some very mild porn. When I first saw that I had felt the biggest rush of my life. It didn't take too long before I got caught! Being so young and na?ve I had never erased the history. Long story short, I was banned from the computer for a good year or so. Little did my parents know, my PSP had wireless internet... Ever since then I have been visiting porn sites, mainly on my iPhone.
Porn warped my brain. I have seen almost every kind of porn out there except the illegal stuff. I even escalated to the gay stuff (but I never developed HOCD). When I became 18 I ran out of kinky new genres to give me that intense rush. I could get off to whatever, but it was never really that exciting anymore. Then I discovered the Craigslist personal section. The idea of actually hooking up with a stranger was a turn on. I messaged a lot of people, both women and men. The women were either charging a ton of money as escorts, or they never replied back. The men, however, always wanted to meet. Although I don't feel attraction to men, the idea of doing something sexual was a huge turn on.. so I met up with a much older guy. We met up and I hated every minute of it. It was nothing like the porn videos. As soon as I left I felt so used and disgusted. I had spent the next 6 months in a depressed and suicidal mindset.
About a year later I got my first legit girlfriend. I told myself that I loved her, but when I look back I was just obsessed with her body. She wanted to wait for marriage, just like I had wanted to, but I kept trying to push the boundaries. We both left the relationship on bad terms. Luckily though, this horrible breakup encouraged me to read self-help books and articles, which eventually led me to yourbrainonporn.
To be continued...
In this first post I would like to tell you about who I am and my relationship with porn. Be warned though, this may be a long post! In case you don't feel like reading everything I have made sections that you can skip to (yes I'm a dork
):Section 1-- The Past
Section 2-- The Present
Section 3-- Strategies I have used
Section 4-- The Future
Feel free to say hi!
Section 1--The Past:
I will cut straight to the point. I started masturbating to sexual fantasy on a daily basis when I was five. Some of you may find that hard to believe, but there are many other NoFappers out there who can relate. Since I engaged in this behavior during the critical years of my development, I feel as if my childhood was never as great as it could have been.
Fast forward a few years: I discovered the bra section in the Sears catalogue lol. Wow, the day I found that I was ecstatic! I still remember cutting out one of the models so I could fap to her without dragging out the whole catalogue haha. I laugh about it now because, well, it was a catalogue, but this phase was foreshadowing what was to come.
Fast forward to age 13: My friend came over to my house and began using our family computer. He called me over and what I saw was some very mild porn. When I first saw that I had felt the biggest rush of my life. It didn't take too long before I got caught! Being so young and na?ve I had never erased the history. Long story short, I was banned from the computer for a good year or so. Little did my parents know, my PSP had wireless internet... Ever since then I have been visiting porn sites, mainly on my iPhone.
Porn warped my brain. I have seen almost every kind of porn out there except the illegal stuff. I even escalated to the gay stuff (but I never developed HOCD). When I became 18 I ran out of kinky new genres to give me that intense rush. I could get off to whatever, but it was never really that exciting anymore. Then I discovered the Craigslist personal section. The idea of actually hooking up with a stranger was a turn on. I messaged a lot of people, both women and men. The women were either charging a ton of money as escorts, or they never replied back. The men, however, always wanted to meet. Although I don't feel attraction to men, the idea of doing something sexual was a huge turn on.. so I met up with a much older guy. We met up and I hated every minute of it. It was nothing like the porn videos. As soon as I left I felt so used and disgusted. I had spent the next 6 months in a depressed and suicidal mindset.
About a year later I got my first legit girlfriend. I told myself that I loved her, but when I look back I was just obsessed with her body. She wanted to wait for marriage, just like I had wanted to, but I kept trying to push the boundaries. We both left the relationship on bad terms. Luckily though, this horrible breakup encouraged me to read self-help books and articles, which eventually led me to yourbrainonporn.
To be continued...