Lipotvaros
New Member
Hello everyone. I'm a recent college graduate. I'm here because I really don't have any more excuses anymore. I'm in complete control of my life at this point, while the world may dish out hell, we all have the choice to be reactive or proactive in the face of it all. Looking back on my college career I've made a lot of progress when it comes to self improvement. When I finished high school I was characteristically bitter. On the outside I may have hid it and most of my high school friends still see me as a genuinely kind and friendly person, but at the core I was bitter. I was bitter that I didn't have a girlfriend, I was bitter that I wasn't in the starting lineup for water polo, and I was bitter that I was playing board games with my goofy friends most weekends instead of chasing girls at house parties.
And to cope with all of my frustrations I turned to PMO and porn to cope with it and later nicotine (in various forms). Coming from a family with drug addicted and depression prone individuals I was held up as the ideal, I was the least crazy out of all of us. Sure, I was content with nicotine in my veins and PMO to ward of the lack of female contact. But being content does equate itself to happiness. Moreover I had a great idea of what happiness was. I was lucky enough to have some great friends and even date some awesome girls during my college years. When I look back my best memories were not of me sitting in my room, tobacco in my mouth and fantasies on my screen. They were the chance times I someone impressed an awesome girl into going hiking with me or the time I convinced my nerdy friends to just walk around the city with me.
I often wondered about how I could increase the number of great experience relative to the mundane ones. Looking at my life now I have a ton of time to prepare myself for upcoming peace corps assignment and do things I've always wanted to do (read war and peace, write a short story, get really good at surfing, get rid of my gut, be a better brother). And really it seems that I never get to those things because of my insatiable thirst for doing things that go well with nicotine (video games, youtube, jacking it).
Today after nearly a month's worth of training, I found that I was able to do 4 full pull ups in a row when a month ago, I could barely do one really sad one. I was enthralled! This past month's worth of gymming it up has been a blast and even if the beginning was tough, now I feel awful (physically) when I miss a workout. This experience today is what got me thinking again about my PMO and nicotine addiction. Even though four pull ups in only a small goal, it was one medium term goal I was able to achieve despite my longtime struggles with exercise in general.
If I could do that why couldn't I give up PMO and nicotine? For awhile I was convinced that neither really hurt me physically (I use a e-cig). But what they undisputably did was get in the way of me living the life I want to live. Both kept me up late at night, so I would be foggy for half of the day. Both kept me away from the people I cared about. I really don't see how it has to get more complicated than that. Looking back, I have tried to quit both habits unsuccessfully. While those failures used to discourage me I realize now that those experiences have equipped me with plenty of tools that can help me along the way. 1) Just looking doesn't work 2) cold showers 3) Nothing good happens when you are alone after 2 am 4) Green Tea is good for you.
In a way I see my signing up for this forum as being another battle in a long war I've been fighting all my life. No one in my life knows that I am addicted to nicotine or PMO and perhaps that's why I've failed for so long. Perhaps reaching out for support and giving support is the thing that will finally end all of this. I don't expect any revolutionary changes to happen overnight but I firmly believe in the power of incremental change.
And to cope with all of my frustrations I turned to PMO and porn to cope with it and later nicotine (in various forms). Coming from a family with drug addicted and depression prone individuals I was held up as the ideal, I was the least crazy out of all of us. Sure, I was content with nicotine in my veins and PMO to ward of the lack of female contact. But being content does equate itself to happiness. Moreover I had a great idea of what happiness was. I was lucky enough to have some great friends and even date some awesome girls during my college years. When I look back my best memories were not of me sitting in my room, tobacco in my mouth and fantasies on my screen. They were the chance times I someone impressed an awesome girl into going hiking with me or the time I convinced my nerdy friends to just walk around the city with me.
I often wondered about how I could increase the number of great experience relative to the mundane ones. Looking at my life now I have a ton of time to prepare myself for upcoming peace corps assignment and do things I've always wanted to do (read war and peace, write a short story, get really good at surfing, get rid of my gut, be a better brother). And really it seems that I never get to those things because of my insatiable thirst for doing things that go well with nicotine (video games, youtube, jacking it).
Today after nearly a month's worth of training, I found that I was able to do 4 full pull ups in a row when a month ago, I could barely do one really sad one. I was enthralled! This past month's worth of gymming it up has been a blast and even if the beginning was tough, now I feel awful (physically) when I miss a workout. This experience today is what got me thinking again about my PMO and nicotine addiction. Even though four pull ups in only a small goal, it was one medium term goal I was able to achieve despite my longtime struggles with exercise in general.
If I could do that why couldn't I give up PMO and nicotine? For awhile I was convinced that neither really hurt me physically (I use a e-cig). But what they undisputably did was get in the way of me living the life I want to live. Both kept me up late at night, so I would be foggy for half of the day. Both kept me away from the people I cared about. I really don't see how it has to get more complicated than that. Looking back, I have tried to quit both habits unsuccessfully. While those failures used to discourage me I realize now that those experiences have equipped me with plenty of tools that can help me along the way. 1) Just looking doesn't work 2) cold showers 3) Nothing good happens when you are alone after 2 am 4) Green Tea is good for you.
In a way I see my signing up for this forum as being another battle in a long war I've been fighting all my life. No one in my life knows that I am addicted to nicotine or PMO and perhaps that's why I've failed for so long. Perhaps reaching out for support and giving support is the thing that will finally end all of this. I don't expect any revolutionary changes to happen overnight but I firmly believe in the power of incremental change.
