Hello to all, my name is James, I am a 30 year old man, and yesterday was the day that admitted to myself that I am addicted to porn. Only now do I realise that the thought has been lurking there for a number of years, a thought I have never consciously acknowledged. So today is day 1, and already its a lot more difficult than I could have anticipated. I suppose I had been unconsciously feeding myself the stereotypical "I could quit any time I wanted to" line that seems to allow addiction to go unrecognised.
My first ever experience of porn was when I was about 7 or 8, and a group of us found a porn magazine in a field behind our houses, it got loaned around between us for a few weeks.
After that came the internet, back in the days of dial up, when 56kbps was the cutting edge of modem technology, myself and a friend would sit up in his room, finding all we could. In those days websites were largely unproductive without a credit card, and as we were about 11 or 12 then this was out of the question. So instead we trawled through IRC chatrooms, swapping pictures hooking up to FTP servers, taking every picture we could get our hands on, and it wasn't long before we were looking at more and more extreme varieties.
As the speeds got faster, the content switched from pictures to videos, and became increasingly bizarre. By the time I was about 13 I had indulged in at least a passing interest in virtually every fetish the internet had to offer, and sought out the most extreme content I could find.
From that point on porn, and particularly fetish porn, has been more or less a constant feature of my life, less in times of contentment and positive life events, and far more during the bad times. There have been points when I spent every minute of the day either watching or fantasising.
During this period I have suffered from many of the symptoms listed on this site, finding it very slow and difficult to ejaculate, firstly during intercourse (use of condoms rendered this impossible) and later during masturbation. Since I can remember, any ejaculation I have had has been attainable only by viewing, or in the case of intercourse fantasising about, exactly the right fetish and extreme sexual acts to suit my mood. This often leads to frustration after attempting and failing to ejaculate to each fetish, trying to find something to push me over the edge. I have frequently failed to maintain an erection during intercourse, prompting a visit to the doctor, who concluded after blood tests were normal, that it must be stress induced, and prescribed a course of viagra, which temporarily helped, but made no lasting difference.
During the last year I have reached a low point whereby I am alone every night with unfettered internet access, and have slipped into the routine of indulging in daily porn marathons, sometimes masturbating 2 or three times in a session. It has started to really interfere with my daily activities, prompting my arrival here at reboot nation.
So, day 1 is down, and I'm struggling hard to find the willpower not to have "One more for the road" as my brain is seeming to protest at ever increasing volume. I'm planning to make full use of physical exercise, breathing exercises and meditation to try and fill the void and subdue the tentacled blackness beckoning from the depths of my mind.
I'm already grateful to everyone here for contributing to the creation and continuance of this refuge, without which I may have drifted through life without ever truly admitting what has now become starkly apparent. I truly believe that future generations looking back will see the global pandemic of porn addiction for what it is, and the consequences for both the people affected, and society as a whole, will be painfully obvious.
My first ever experience of porn was when I was about 7 or 8, and a group of us found a porn magazine in a field behind our houses, it got loaned around between us for a few weeks.
After that came the internet, back in the days of dial up, when 56kbps was the cutting edge of modem technology, myself and a friend would sit up in his room, finding all we could. In those days websites were largely unproductive without a credit card, and as we were about 11 or 12 then this was out of the question. So instead we trawled through IRC chatrooms, swapping pictures hooking up to FTP servers, taking every picture we could get our hands on, and it wasn't long before we were looking at more and more extreme varieties.
As the speeds got faster, the content switched from pictures to videos, and became increasingly bizarre. By the time I was about 13 I had indulged in at least a passing interest in virtually every fetish the internet had to offer, and sought out the most extreme content I could find.
From that point on porn, and particularly fetish porn, has been more or less a constant feature of my life, less in times of contentment and positive life events, and far more during the bad times. There have been points when I spent every minute of the day either watching or fantasising.
During this period I have suffered from many of the symptoms listed on this site, finding it very slow and difficult to ejaculate, firstly during intercourse (use of condoms rendered this impossible) and later during masturbation. Since I can remember, any ejaculation I have had has been attainable only by viewing, or in the case of intercourse fantasising about, exactly the right fetish and extreme sexual acts to suit my mood. This often leads to frustration after attempting and failing to ejaculate to each fetish, trying to find something to push me over the edge. I have frequently failed to maintain an erection during intercourse, prompting a visit to the doctor, who concluded after blood tests were normal, that it must be stress induced, and prescribed a course of viagra, which temporarily helped, but made no lasting difference.
During the last year I have reached a low point whereby I am alone every night with unfettered internet access, and have slipped into the routine of indulging in daily porn marathons, sometimes masturbating 2 or three times in a session. It has started to really interfere with my daily activities, prompting my arrival here at reboot nation.
So, day 1 is down, and I'm struggling hard to find the willpower not to have "One more for the road" as my brain is seeming to protest at ever increasing volume. I'm planning to make full use of physical exercise, breathing exercises and meditation to try and fill the void and subdue the tentacled blackness beckoning from the depths of my mind.
I'm already grateful to everyone here for contributing to the creation and continuance of this refuge, without which I may have drifted through life without ever truly admitting what has now become starkly apparent. I truly believe that future generations looking back will see the global pandemic of porn addiction for what it is, and the consequences for both the people affected, and society as a whole, will be painfully obvious.
