MontanaMan
Member
We had 25 years of great sex nearly every day. With having 11 kids, no one could say my wife and I were lacking in the sex department. Even with my consistently strong sex drive, I rarely had to masturbate but maybe one or two times per year. Everyone around us knew I just thoroughly enjoyed growing old with my wife and that she was great at taking care of me.
I did have numerous and lengthy business trips, but taking care of myself was actually good being that my mind was strongly on my wife while doing it. Certainly kept me out of trouble particularly in those Far East countries where business deals are often celebrated with drink & prostitutes. On the plane home, I was always an anxious wreck and constantly having to reposition my erection that was anticipating my wife's very welcoming vagina. "You just got home! Can't we spend some time cuddling?" "NO! We cuddle later." And as was our ritual, my wife smiled while I unloaded weeks of pent up sex drive that my own hand could never satisfy like my wife could. We would have to go at it several times over the course of a night and again the next morning. By day 2 or 3 of this, I would finally be satisfied enough to cuddle. We would then be in our normal daily routine until the next trip usually months away.
I remember a man telling me just before I got married at 22 that when he and his wife married, he never would have imagined that sex could ever get better than when in their 20s. Now 20 years later, he could confidently say that sex in their 40s was profoundly better. That truth was something I looked forward to and I discovered that he was 100% right. Sex just got better and better for us until...the menopause.
Menopause hit my wife like a train. The horrific pain and constant bleeding like a never ending period. With it came the arthritis in her hands and feet. She felt so bad and hurt so bad that I mostly couldn't touch her. The pain in her hands made it where she couldn't even wrap her hand around my aching erection. So we figured I would have to do myself when days were difficult for her. Stroking beside her and not able to caress or hold the only woman I've ever had sex with was not fun, but we made the best of it. We would go weeks without true intercourse. My wife cried for she knew it had to be difficult for me. Night after night with my semen on my chest, I'd tell her how much I loved her. But, I was slowly slipping. The pictures of women in ads on the TV and then the internet were looking better and better.
I hadn't a pornography problem up until that time. My semenarche at age 12 was what it should be for the moment a boy becomes a young man. All through those junior high and high school years and even college, I was exposed to very little pornography. And what I had seen, though some images were burned into my brain, I never masturbated to them. Instead, I masturbated to the knowledge that one day I would be married and have tons of sex. Most of my friends masturbated with the same knowledge. A few got into pornography and others over involved with girls they knew they would never marry. Most all of us had our own healthy sexual releases by hand. Only one friend started having problems getting erect when he masturbated, but we had no idea why. Only later did we learn that he was involved in some crazy sex and a lot of lusting. We didn't know why that caused him erection problems. We just understood that it did and took it as a personal warning.
So when marriage finally came for me just days after I graduated college, I was ready to spend 100% of my sexual releases with my wife. And boy, the waiting was definitely worth every jack off to keep me from getting girlfriends pregnant. I knew going into marriage that I had an unusually high sex drive and to marry a woman who was eager to satisfy me was most certainly God showing that He knew what I needed and He certainly provided!
My wife and I became very close very quickly. For us it seemed that our honeymoon never ended and it still feels that way today after more than three decades together. I attribute our unity to my high sex drive, my wife wanting to take care of me in that way, and that neither of us came into our marriage with sexual baggage needing to be dealt with. We learned to deeply love each other and thrill with each other's bodies; we learned sex together. We know without a shadow of doubt that the difficulties we went through together such as the deaths of two of our children not to mention the insanity of intrusive and intentionally divisive in-laws, our physical unity carried us through as we together fought to survive.
At the end of my wife's peri menopausal period which lasted six years, I obtained a new business arrangement in February that required me for the first time be away from my wife as I commuted on the weekends. We had never been in this situation before where I was to be away during the week, four nights straight alone in my apartment anticipating the three nights with my wife on the next weekend. We knew I would have to do what I always did before on business trips. I would have to masturbate to relieve my intense sex drive. This time, however, porn had entered the mix.
But by February, I was already experiencing problems. For two or three months I was having to stroke myself during sex to keep it up. It was getting to where I had to use my hand to get myself to the point of no return since I was no longer able to get there in my wife's vagina alone.
Things got much worse after a few weeks in the new business arrangement. I began finding myself immersing in porn to get the dopamine going. What was hardcore in my teens, missionary position intercourse, was now where I started. And it just progressed from there. Slowly the porn beast began introducing stronger themes such as two men doing a woman and even a woman and a man doing a man.
Equally sinister this somehow began to make me subconsciously wonder if I 'measured up,' something I had never thought of before. Was my erection as big as his? Was my problem causing my wife to wonder if another man would be better for her than me? Just crazy thoughts that my personality is not used to considering. But, the worst of it was that my brain wasn't firing properly during sex. Even masturbation during the week became a chore.
Then one Sunday night, sex became so difficult for me that I had to use what I now know is called the "death grip." After achieving the ejaculation, I told my sad and concerned wife, "I know its in my head. I just don't know for sure what it is."
I had a great marriage. Sex had been profound for decades. And many friends have told me over and again how fortunate I was to have such a strong unity with my wife with whom I had great sex. So why did I seem to place my marriage in jeopardy by allowing myself to engage in porn? What was I thinking when I had what many men only dream of: a wife who loved me and wanted to take care of my needs particularly my sexual needs? It wasn't intentional. It wasn't because I was dissatisfied with my wife. It was just not realizing that porn was just another attack on our marriage, something that wanted to divide us.
Somehow I picked up the book I had bought two years ago called "The Brain That Changes Itself." I started where I had left off many months earlier. It was chapter 4, "What Neuroplacisity Teaches Us About Sexuality And Love." Then I found the website, YourBrainOnPorn. Then I knew it. What I had wondered about was, indeed, true. I had allowed something, namely pornography, to rewire my brain. Signals in the brain mapping that had worked for me for 42 years since I was twelve I was now neglecting. I was passively viewing sex on a screen instead of masturbating to the memory of sex I knew so well with my wife. And a myriad of sexual problems that I had never personally known up until then were crashing down on me. Now I knew why. My viewing of porn was allowing a dangerous beast to seize my marriage by devouring my brain and genitals. My sexuality was being eaten alive.
Once I realized that viewing pornography was actually hindering my ability to satisfy my wife, that it was seriously threatening the powerful unity of our marriage, that as the head of our marriage and family, I am the man and I alone am the only one who can defeat the enemy and win the battle, it was then that my pair grew huge for I wanted to rise up as the man and conquer this beast that threatened my marriage and family; I would defeat it by being the man.
I always before had thoroughly enjoyed establishing my territory and defeating anything and everyone who challenged it. What man wouldn't want the opportunities to destroy that which threatens what is his? Am I a hopelessly patriarchal man? Yep and anyone who challenges it never forgets the weight of who I am as a man--and my wife loves it.
As of this writing, I'm on day 5 and the beast of porn is already feeling the weight of me, the man who is jealous for his wife. I abstained from masturbating and didn't view any porn this week. In that short amount of time, I could sense a change. And last night, my wife and I thrilled at the beginnings of the return of me as I pumped my eager load into my very grateful and loving companion of 31 years. I'm coming home holding up the head of the beast.
I did have numerous and lengthy business trips, but taking care of myself was actually good being that my mind was strongly on my wife while doing it. Certainly kept me out of trouble particularly in those Far East countries where business deals are often celebrated with drink & prostitutes. On the plane home, I was always an anxious wreck and constantly having to reposition my erection that was anticipating my wife's very welcoming vagina. "You just got home! Can't we spend some time cuddling?" "NO! We cuddle later." And as was our ritual, my wife smiled while I unloaded weeks of pent up sex drive that my own hand could never satisfy like my wife could. We would have to go at it several times over the course of a night and again the next morning. By day 2 or 3 of this, I would finally be satisfied enough to cuddle. We would then be in our normal daily routine until the next trip usually months away.
I remember a man telling me just before I got married at 22 that when he and his wife married, he never would have imagined that sex could ever get better than when in their 20s. Now 20 years later, he could confidently say that sex in their 40s was profoundly better. That truth was something I looked forward to and I discovered that he was 100% right. Sex just got better and better for us until...the menopause.
Menopause hit my wife like a train. The horrific pain and constant bleeding like a never ending period. With it came the arthritis in her hands and feet. She felt so bad and hurt so bad that I mostly couldn't touch her. The pain in her hands made it where she couldn't even wrap her hand around my aching erection. So we figured I would have to do myself when days were difficult for her. Stroking beside her and not able to caress or hold the only woman I've ever had sex with was not fun, but we made the best of it. We would go weeks without true intercourse. My wife cried for she knew it had to be difficult for me. Night after night with my semen on my chest, I'd tell her how much I loved her. But, I was slowly slipping. The pictures of women in ads on the TV and then the internet were looking better and better.
I hadn't a pornography problem up until that time. My semenarche at age 12 was what it should be for the moment a boy becomes a young man. All through those junior high and high school years and even college, I was exposed to very little pornography. And what I had seen, though some images were burned into my brain, I never masturbated to them. Instead, I masturbated to the knowledge that one day I would be married and have tons of sex. Most of my friends masturbated with the same knowledge. A few got into pornography and others over involved with girls they knew they would never marry. Most all of us had our own healthy sexual releases by hand. Only one friend started having problems getting erect when he masturbated, but we had no idea why. Only later did we learn that he was involved in some crazy sex and a lot of lusting. We didn't know why that caused him erection problems. We just understood that it did and took it as a personal warning.
So when marriage finally came for me just days after I graduated college, I was ready to spend 100% of my sexual releases with my wife. And boy, the waiting was definitely worth every jack off to keep me from getting girlfriends pregnant. I knew going into marriage that I had an unusually high sex drive and to marry a woman who was eager to satisfy me was most certainly God showing that He knew what I needed and He certainly provided!
My wife and I became very close very quickly. For us it seemed that our honeymoon never ended and it still feels that way today after more than three decades together. I attribute our unity to my high sex drive, my wife wanting to take care of me in that way, and that neither of us came into our marriage with sexual baggage needing to be dealt with. We learned to deeply love each other and thrill with each other's bodies; we learned sex together. We know without a shadow of doubt that the difficulties we went through together such as the deaths of two of our children not to mention the insanity of intrusive and intentionally divisive in-laws, our physical unity carried us through as we together fought to survive.
At the end of my wife's peri menopausal period which lasted six years, I obtained a new business arrangement in February that required me for the first time be away from my wife as I commuted on the weekends. We had never been in this situation before where I was to be away during the week, four nights straight alone in my apartment anticipating the three nights with my wife on the next weekend. We knew I would have to do what I always did before on business trips. I would have to masturbate to relieve my intense sex drive. This time, however, porn had entered the mix.
But by February, I was already experiencing problems. For two or three months I was having to stroke myself during sex to keep it up. It was getting to where I had to use my hand to get myself to the point of no return since I was no longer able to get there in my wife's vagina alone.
Things got much worse after a few weeks in the new business arrangement. I began finding myself immersing in porn to get the dopamine going. What was hardcore in my teens, missionary position intercourse, was now where I started. And it just progressed from there. Slowly the porn beast began introducing stronger themes such as two men doing a woman and even a woman and a man doing a man.
Equally sinister this somehow began to make me subconsciously wonder if I 'measured up,' something I had never thought of before. Was my erection as big as his? Was my problem causing my wife to wonder if another man would be better for her than me? Just crazy thoughts that my personality is not used to considering. But, the worst of it was that my brain wasn't firing properly during sex. Even masturbation during the week became a chore.
Then one Sunday night, sex became so difficult for me that I had to use what I now know is called the "death grip." After achieving the ejaculation, I told my sad and concerned wife, "I know its in my head. I just don't know for sure what it is."
I had a great marriage. Sex had been profound for decades. And many friends have told me over and again how fortunate I was to have such a strong unity with my wife with whom I had great sex. So why did I seem to place my marriage in jeopardy by allowing myself to engage in porn? What was I thinking when I had what many men only dream of: a wife who loved me and wanted to take care of my needs particularly my sexual needs? It wasn't intentional. It wasn't because I was dissatisfied with my wife. It was just not realizing that porn was just another attack on our marriage, something that wanted to divide us.
Somehow I picked up the book I had bought two years ago called "The Brain That Changes Itself." I started where I had left off many months earlier. It was chapter 4, "What Neuroplacisity Teaches Us About Sexuality And Love." Then I found the website, YourBrainOnPorn. Then I knew it. What I had wondered about was, indeed, true. I had allowed something, namely pornography, to rewire my brain. Signals in the brain mapping that had worked for me for 42 years since I was twelve I was now neglecting. I was passively viewing sex on a screen instead of masturbating to the memory of sex I knew so well with my wife. And a myriad of sexual problems that I had never personally known up until then were crashing down on me. Now I knew why. My viewing of porn was allowing a dangerous beast to seize my marriage by devouring my brain and genitals. My sexuality was being eaten alive.
Once I realized that viewing pornography was actually hindering my ability to satisfy my wife, that it was seriously threatening the powerful unity of our marriage, that as the head of our marriage and family, I am the man and I alone am the only one who can defeat the enemy and win the battle, it was then that my pair grew huge for I wanted to rise up as the man and conquer this beast that threatened my marriage and family; I would defeat it by being the man.
I always before had thoroughly enjoyed establishing my territory and defeating anything and everyone who challenged it. What man wouldn't want the opportunities to destroy that which threatens what is his? Am I a hopelessly patriarchal man? Yep and anyone who challenges it never forgets the weight of who I am as a man--and my wife loves it.
As of this writing, I'm on day 5 and the beast of porn is already feeling the weight of me, the man who is jealous for his wife. I abstained from masturbating and didn't view any porn this week. In that short amount of time, I could sense a change. And last night, my wife and I thrilled at the beginnings of the return of me as I pumped my eager load into my very grateful and loving companion of 31 years. I'm coming home holding up the head of the beast.
