The journal of of hopeful change.

[Accomplished]

Hi guys, my name is Accomplished. I am 23 and the time has come for me to only do the things that benefit me in the long run. Here are some points (yes they grammar will suck, this is just me blurting this shit out):
- Started this shit when i was way young
- Have has constant access to internet since I was very young and high speed since I was in my early teens
- My childhood sucked and I was kinda lonely
- In terms of my addiction it started with the usual and went 2 ways. The traditional route with professional porn and fetish and another route that ran parallel that has remained pretty static. The 2nd one has me the most concerned. 
- I had near 20Gb of porn containing questionable content on my portable HDD and laptop
So this year I find out about porn addiction via my tastes increasingly weird taste and genuine concern. I started reading YBOP and it was like the truth had finally been revealed; all this time this was what had been affecting me. My brain was totally fucked.
I could no longer O with my girlfriend without fantasy. I no longer found (and still have trouble) her attractive. My self-confidence has been shot to hell due to me constantly hiding this addiction.
One of the worst things I have had to content with is the rapey vibe I carried with me, I can honestly see now where it comes from. I just give off this weird vibe.

Okay, now that I have gotten that out of way with...phew
Day 0- Finally getting this shit off my chest.
Today I gave in and went into a small binge. But to counter that I joined this forum after a ton of lurking YBOP and RN and have decided to start posting and keeping a journal.
I am hoping that with your help and my dedication to change I can beat this while offering similar advice to others.
Thoughts:
- I have begun to identify my triggers
- The fact that I have to quit is finally starting sink in
- I want to help myself become a better person

I am sorry that this reads like the rambling of a high person, it's been bottled up for some time. Over time I hope to finally get my head together and start making sense.
I hope to help you all and receive some in return.
 

 

[anonymous100]

Hello Accomplished, as someone who's been on this forum for a few hours longer I welcome you Some parts of your post describe exactly what I am going through, so know that I'm here with you. Weird/questionable taste. Girlfriend problems. Tried before, but failed. Now's the time.,

I hope to help you all and receive some in return.

Hey, I'm the guy with the "What I'm happy about" part I am in search for an accountability buddy, are you interested? Here's my journal.

- I have begun to identify my triggers

Great, man. I still have trouble doing so. I think that is really important, cut these out of your life.

- The fact that I have to quit is finally starting sink in
- I want to help myself become a better person

If you know what you fight for, that'll give you most of the strength you'll need. This and the support of others. I bet we've found the right place!

Cheers, buddy!

 

[Accomplished]

Consider me part of your plan to quit. I may not be here every day (life stuff, you know) but I will certainly try to update and help others when I can.
YBOP has me so intrigued with how many guys are deciding to quit PMO. If so many don't need it then why do I?

 

[anonymous100]

Hey Accomplished, how are you doing? I noticed you haven't posted in a while. Keeping it up, or have you relapsed? Share with us how your journey is going, I'd love to hear from you! Cheers.