NO MORE RELAPSE !

[rad_sky]

Hello everyone today i want to share my reboot process and my relapses in this two monthI decided to start rebooting in the beginning of May,  not long after my birthday (i thought im already 20 and im enough of this crappy stuff). I remembered that i post here in my first days and feel so motivated to reboot.

After 19 clean days of no PMO, the urge strikes back and i can't bear it that day and i gave up. I dont watch porn, i just read some adult story. I thought that adult story is better from porn because it contains no image, but i was totally WRONG. Adult story was total injection of dopamine, because we can fantasize all we want and the story is usually very very fiction. After that, i started to reboot again. I feel like i can fight harder with my additional relapse experience. In my 20th day, i was so horny and i can't focus in my activity. So i decided to masturbate without fantasy, after i read about that in YBOP. Again, i thought that it was no problem because i didnt include fantasy, but believe me, it was the DAMN door to relapse. I thought it was not considered as relapse, so i continue my count. In day 23, i relapse with porn! The real cause is the masturbation without porn, because it give the trigger to the pleasure that my brain familiar with.I started again, and this time was very bad.

Yesterday i relapse, and the count is just 6 days. But i dont give up, my spirit is still there. So this morning i downloaded our admin, Gabe Deem advice video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0dDLWGMhUo and feel absolutely motivated this time. I thought that my mistake is not sharing with other in my first days, because we need to share our story to increase our confidence and spirit.That's all, thanks for reading and feel free give me some advice, i'll appreciate it
From today i will post my proggress here. Hope you make your own journal too and support each other.

 

[Promise]

Part of this process is finding out what triggers us, what we can and can't do without provoking a relapse.  Relapse is part of recovery, as it would take sheer blind luck to get through a reboot without hitting any triggers.

You're doing the right thing, and starting a journal definitely helped me immeasurably, both with support, and finding out all sorts of things I didn't know before that changed my perspective.

 

[Accomplished]

Agreed Promise
One of my triggers is boredom. This is huge.
When I become bored start goofing off online and just browsing random shit on tumblr (when my laptop still worked it was other sites with videos) which leads to relapse. So now when I am bored or get an urge I will make sure I flag the hell out of it so I know a) why I want to do it and b) alternatives to doing it.

 

[Promise]

That's one of my problems too, accomplished.  Been looking for new hobbies and new things to try!

 

[Accomplished]

I feel hobbies are only one part of it. You aren't doing your hobbie 24/7, or at least I don't.
For example, I spend 1 hour or more a day learning Chinese as well as just expanding my general knowledge (making sure it's news sites and actual useful info). But like I said, when I am not doing those I tend to start wavering.
A year or so ago I quit smoking and it was torture to begin with but I eventually managed to get a lid on the cravings to the point where being around other people smoking now brings me zero cravings.
What I think you need is a firm base of resolution not to PMO and then the hobbies are a product of that.
eg. I quit smoking, all the usual reasons as to why someone would which formed by basis for doing so. I started saving money (they are probably more expensive here then anywhere else in the world) and the money let me buy clothes and nice shit. Caring about my appearence was the outcome in the end.

SO, you might have your resolve to quit PMO. These reasons form your base, the product of this base is new hobbies via not wasting your time with it and the end result will be your new improved self.
True desire to quit + a noticeable benefit = a wanted outcome.

 

[rad_sky]

Thanks for all your replies !

I totally agree with you guys, strong will is the main part of the reboot. If our FORTRESS is strong, enemy won't able to breach it no matter how hard they try. Let's do our best to strengthen our fortress !

Actually i've been offline for months because of my college days and work. But with those kinds of business, i'm still relapsing again and again. Today, i started my journey again, hope this would be my last attempt. Good luck for everyone !

 

[rad_sky]

Day 1

Raw Mood : 3/10

Today, i didn't feel so good. I had trouble at focusing and i had many daydreams.
But i had strong fortress today. I didn't think about relapsing in the morning and afternoon.
I went to play futsal tonight, which is my hobby, and i lost. My mood became really bad after that, but i knew that came from my changing brain. I suddenly felt the urge to relapse, but i thought about it many times and finally i won the battle. My fortress is strong, and will be strong forever, i'm sure !

 

[rad_sky]

Day 7

RAW MOOD : 7/10

It's just a week already, but i had much improvement, like my focus is stronger, my anxiety is much lower, and i have really good spirit. This morning, my urges came back when i opened a tab in social forum. I shouldn't have done that ! But thankfully, i didn't relapse though my body wanted to. I have to fight it! I have to build my fortress stronger and stronger. I can't let enemies breach my territory and conquer my mind palace. I dont want to be controlled anymore, I WANT TO BE FREE !!

Let's make promise that everyone of us will not relapse anymore. PMO is just shit and our life doesn't deserve to be wasted on SHIT !!!