Hi IWantItToStop, it gets worse before it gets better and that is something you need to know and understand going in. You mentioned a huge desire to see porn. Have you ever asked yourself why? What is it about porn that is so fascinating, so magnetic, what makes us want to watch it so much? Why isn't watching a sunset that great, or looking at art, or watching G movies? Why aren't those things so interesting to us? This has to do with our primitive brain's reward center. People sometimes think of the brain as a computer, as a CPU, and it is. The human brain is the most powerful computer ever to exist on the planet. But for purposes of understanding porn addiction it might be helpful to think of not as one computer, but a number of them that do different things in different ways. You know when you look at porn that it is porn, not actual sex. Intellectually you know that. I am no scientist, just a porn addict, but even I know the part of the brain that thinks is called the cerebrum. That part of your brain can distinguish porn from sex. But there is another part of the brain, the brain's primitive sexual reward center, that cannot and does not distinguish watching porn from thinking about actual sex, that part of the brain rewards watching porn and engaging in sexual thought and activity equally. This is problem for us because while, in reality, our sexual partners or pursuits are quite limited, porn is limitless, it is available 24/7 and it offers constant novelty and newness. You could sit in front of your computer, start clicking, and never have to see the same image again, ever, for the rest of your life. Your cerebrum knows those images are not real, but your primitive brain reward center sees them as real, as a series of potential sexual partners, and rewards you with a dopamine high with everyone you look at.
When quitting you turn off your dopamine spout. If normal dopamine levels are 0-1, then a porn addict's level for years is 10. Dopamine is the best drug in the world, and when quitting, our brain's primitive reward center tries to talk us into taking another taste. That is why you want to see porn so much now, your levels are coming down, part of you does not like it, and it is trying to talk you into using again. That feeling will get worse, it is called withdrawals, and they can hit pretty hard for quite a long time. People often talk about the 90 reboot because a lot of guys still have bouts of serious withdrawals up to around 90 days, where for a lot of guys, after that, it seriously lessens.
It does get easier the longer you go, but during that 90 reboot, you must watch no porn, and you must try and avoid hypersexualized thoughts. You need to plan on feeling bad everyday during that 90 reboot. Will you? No. Porn withdrawal is not even or gradual, it comes in lumps. There will be days, especially around 45, where you start putting days back to back with no withdrawals. There may be a moment in the 80s when you get hit with a withdrawal as bad as day 14, and you may have a great moment around day 8 where you feel no problem at all. The thing is, to reboot, you need to get to 90 with no porn and no hypersexual thoughts, and by doing that you will probably have lowered your dopamine level back to normal, so much so that the withdrawals are either gone or manageable. As for me, I kept my blockers on until month 7, and my now I feel great. Many guys who have successfully rebooted keep their blockers on forever, as a precaution.
I know you can do this. I hope this helps.
Peace.
