Hi guys. I'm so happy I found this website and seen the video on youtube.
I've never had the chance to openly share about my struggles. I've made the firm decision that I want to "reboot"... I never heard about that term until recently when I started googling about how to beat "porn addiction". The whole concept of the brain "rewired" or "reconditionned" had never hit me. I always thought what I was doing was just natural... that I was just being a normal guy.
But since I've gotten married, my wife often expressed her desire for me to stop the behavior of course and because of that (that combined with my christian upbringing and values) I've tried maybe 2 or 3 times to REALLY end my addiction. Each time (through different motivationnal Reasons) I managed to stop using porn (or jerking off) for about 14-28 ish days... but I never really succeeded as the temptation would only become increasingly strong as I resisted and I would ultimately always face inevitable fact that I like "pleasing myself" and being "ego-centrical"... its one of the things I noticed my behavior has done to me... I've become way too much "ego-centered"...
Anyhow: here's a quick resume (I've got a friend waiting for me to join him in a video game so I'll make it short)
I started using pornagraphy when I was about 13 years old. Because of my christian upbringing (and my parents being very "un-opened" and unwilling to teach me about the dangers that awaited me about porn and stuff) I KNEW NOT... what jerking off was (I didn't even know it was possible) and I didn't know porn... A friend asked me in a bus if I had ever jerked off (he was quite happy to ask around about this) ... obviously I had no clue what he was talking about... so I said no (which was true of course)... and everybody in the bus started laughing... I was SUPER humiliated and after school... opened up a dictionnary my father had to learn what on earth was masturbation...
That's when I started trying it... slowly making my way into nightcaps and regular porn use on the web. I don't currently have any Erectile problems, but I see the symptoms of other problems...
One thing the "reboot" notion showed me is: I DON'T CONTROL myself... I can't resist the urges (or at least I feel like I can't)... Facing the truth, I've come to realize that this thing has become a "master of me". I want to be free again, I want a healthy marriage. I too, don't feel loved by my wife (like when we were teenagers) and I too feel like my life ain't NEARLY what I feel I'd like it to be.
I often stop to imagine what my life COULD be instead of actually DOING something to make it change into what I'd like it to be (if that makes sense to yall). I'm sick of my behavior, but I do have to admit that deep down, pornagraphy has it's appeal. Those girls might be only "acting" and "performing" but Boy do these girls (their looks and especially the faces they can do) turn me on at times.
That's what makes it REALLY hard for me to fight. When I refrein from using porn for long periods I get those inevitable thoughts (flashbacks of some porn scens or porn star faces)... I don't know why naughty faces women do turn me on so hard... but yeah... those thoughts slip into my mind sometimes and make the fight harder. THose are times when I usually win my battle if I exit that state of "tempted by possible fantasies" and start thinking rationnaly about what I really need to do etc...
so yeah, I need support guys. I need to know others fight this too. I need to feel I'm not alone, and most importantly, I can't keep this a secret and I want guys that are figthing the same battle to support me. I wanna support others too and start praying for other guys and keepin in touch with their progress and sharing mine.
Thanks for reaching out to us. I found you as I was desperate for a solution and I know I'm gonna make it out of this hell lol
can't wait to see what I look like once I'm reboot
I've never had the chance to openly share about my struggles. I've made the firm decision that I want to "reboot"... I never heard about that term until recently when I started googling about how to beat "porn addiction". The whole concept of the brain "rewired" or "reconditionned" had never hit me. I always thought what I was doing was just natural... that I was just being a normal guy.
But since I've gotten married, my wife often expressed her desire for me to stop the behavior of course and because of that (that combined with my christian upbringing and values) I've tried maybe 2 or 3 times to REALLY end my addiction. Each time (through different motivationnal Reasons) I managed to stop using porn (or jerking off) for about 14-28 ish days... but I never really succeeded as the temptation would only become increasingly strong as I resisted and I would ultimately always face inevitable fact that I like "pleasing myself" and being "ego-centrical"... its one of the things I noticed my behavior has done to me... I've become way too much "ego-centered"...
Anyhow: here's a quick resume (I've got a friend waiting for me to join him in a video game so I'll make it short)
I started using pornagraphy when I was about 13 years old. Because of my christian upbringing (and my parents being very "un-opened" and unwilling to teach me about the dangers that awaited me about porn and stuff) I KNEW NOT... what jerking off was (I didn't even know it was possible) and I didn't know porn... A friend asked me in a bus if I had ever jerked off (he was quite happy to ask around about this) ... obviously I had no clue what he was talking about... so I said no (which was true of course)... and everybody in the bus started laughing... I was SUPER humiliated and after school... opened up a dictionnary my father had to learn what on earth was masturbation...
That's when I started trying it... slowly making my way into nightcaps and regular porn use on the web. I don't currently have any Erectile problems, but I see the symptoms of other problems...
One thing the "reboot" notion showed me is: I DON'T CONTROL myself... I can't resist the urges (or at least I feel like I can't)... Facing the truth, I've come to realize that this thing has become a "master of me". I want to be free again, I want a healthy marriage. I too, don't feel loved by my wife (like when we were teenagers) and I too feel like my life ain't NEARLY what I feel I'd like it to be.
I often stop to imagine what my life COULD be instead of actually DOING something to make it change into what I'd like it to be (if that makes sense to yall). I'm sick of my behavior, but I do have to admit that deep down, pornagraphy has it's appeal. Those girls might be only "acting" and "performing" but Boy do these girls (their looks and especially the faces they can do) turn me on at times.
That's what makes it REALLY hard for me to fight. When I refrein from using porn for long periods I get those inevitable thoughts (flashbacks of some porn scens or porn star faces)... I don't know why naughty faces women do turn me on so hard... but yeah... those thoughts slip into my mind sometimes and make the fight harder. THose are times when I usually win my battle if I exit that state of "tempted by possible fantasies" and start thinking rationnaly about what I really need to do etc...
so yeah, I need support guys. I need to know others fight this too. I need to feel I'm not alone, and most importantly, I can't keep this a secret and I want guys that are figthing the same battle to support me. I wanna support others too and start praying for other guys and keepin in touch with their progress and sharing mine.
Thanks for reaching out to us. I found you as I was desperate for a solution and I know I'm gonna make it out of this hell lol
can't wait to see what I look like once I'm reboot