Survivor here.
I have not wanted to bother writing anything over the past few days. Thinkin' to myself "I'm clean and not feeling any great urge so what do I have to say?"
Well... that's when I really need to write. That's the place I get to when I start believing I can manage this stuff on my own without any input from you people. We used to have a phrase in my other program. "Pick up the 10,000 lb. telephone!" Meaning - it seems like such an effort to make the connection. But it's the connection that helps keep me on the right path. I can't fully explain how it works for me. I don't even know what any of you people look like but just writing what I need to write online and posting it so all of you can read it seems to help me to move in the right direction. It's not as if you can come through the internet and choke me when I have a slip but I feel that I am accountable to all of you. I feel that you would be disappointed in me if I slip. And yet, I know that if I do have a slip you won't kick me out of the club (no disrespect intended).
So... in a way all of you help keep me sober, or at least aware of the fact that I'm gonna feel even shittier if I do have a slip because I will then have to eat some humble pie the next time I get honest with all of you.
Day seven since my last slip. It was a little challenging last night as I seriously considered taking a peek while my wife slept, however, I didn't. I knew I would be evading her gaze this morning and I just didn't want to put myself through that anxiety. So here I am, slowly working towards another 26 days plus and feeling fairly clear at the moment. I must admit though that I did have some trouble getting to sleep last night because the urge to fantasize before going to sleep is always quite strong for me. But... from past experience I also know that if I stay clean long enough the urge lessens, my sleep patterns improve and I have a more active, positive life.
Thanks for being there.
I have not wanted to bother writing anything over the past few days. Thinkin' to myself "I'm clean and not feeling any great urge so what do I have to say?"
Well... that's when I really need to write. That's the place I get to when I start believing I can manage this stuff on my own without any input from you people. We used to have a phrase in my other program. "Pick up the 10,000 lb. telephone!" Meaning - it seems like such an effort to make the connection. But it's the connection that helps keep me on the right path. I can't fully explain how it works for me. I don't even know what any of you people look like but just writing what I need to write online and posting it so all of you can read it seems to help me to move in the right direction. It's not as if you can come through the internet and choke me when I have a slip but I feel that I am accountable to all of you. I feel that you would be disappointed in me if I slip. And yet, I know that if I do have a slip you won't kick me out of the club (no disrespect intended).
So... in a way all of you help keep me sober, or at least aware of the fact that I'm gonna feel even shittier if I do have a slip because I will then have to eat some humble pie the next time I get honest with all of you.
Day seven since my last slip. It was a little challenging last night as I seriously considered taking a peek while my wife slept, however, I didn't. I knew I would be evading her gaze this morning and I just didn't want to put myself through that anxiety. So here I am, slowly working towards another 26 days plus and feeling fairly clear at the moment. I must admit though that I did have some trouble getting to sleep last night because the urge to fantasize before going to sleep is always quite strong for me. But... from past experience I also know that if I stay clean long enough the urge lessens, my sleep patterns improve and I have a more active, positive life.
Thanks for being there.
