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onemikebravado
Guest
My name is Dakota. I'm a freshman in high school who is hooked on porn that is slowly killing him.
OK. maybe I'm being a bit too dramatic, but I'm not kidding when I say it's ruining my life.
I've been battling Pornography for about a month now and it's not easy, but I've struggled with this thing to a minor extent for a while now. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but I didn't anticipate how bad it was going to be. You see, I was very tempted for a long time, up to about a month before I started. I actually M/O 'ed for the first time sometime during that period, but it quickly stopped. For about two weeks, I thought that was behind me. But then, one day, it just happened out of nowhere. I had to go do a job after that first time. I thought about it the whole time I was doing that job. I told myself "You know what? That was stupid of me. I'm never going to do that again." The first thing I did when I got home that day was watch some porn.
I knew it was addictive, but I didn't know exactly how addictive it was. I had been warned about getting into it, because it was hard to get out of. For me I would hate myself for doing it 23 hours and 55 minutes out of the day, but when I would lie down in bed that night, I just lost control. For me, at least, it was a very dangerous cycle. And then it got worse. I was PMO 'ing an average of three times a day. I kept telling myself that I could control it, but I couldn't. Sometimes it would get better. I could go a whole day without M/O 'ing, and a week without P/O 'ing, but then it would just start back up right after that. It just wouldn't stop. Every time I did it I would feel like I was driving a knife into the back of my friend's and family.
I'm pretty determined though. You see, I've been through a lot. During the 6th grade, I battled extreme depression to the point of attempted suicide three times. My mother lost my sister about a year ago while she was in the womb. I've been through a lot, but I'm not giving up on trying to quit. You see, I'm a christian and my faith has helped me a lot through this. At this point in the addiction,my parent's know about it (I told them about it instead of them finding out.) I found this site from http://yourbrainonporn.com/ and some of the people's stories on here have really encouraged me to start my own journal.
8/17
I write this on a Sunday afternoon. I PMO 'ed twice on Friday, and once yesterday. I have a spreadsheet and a counter so you can see my progress.
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