Cycle - searching for a way out

[Cycle]

This is my first post to the forum.  I am 63 years old, married and have had a problem with pornography for a long time.  I have not been intimate with my wife for over 5 years and my sex life during those years has consisted of watching and collecting online porn.

My life has been spiraling into an abyss that I am sure includes depression and my addiction is the major cause.

Last week, I decided I had to do something.  My first step was to delete my entire porn collection and make a vow to myself that I was done.  In the past when I felt things were getting out of control, I would taper off for a week or so, but I never vowed to quit.

I found this site and every day I've been reading articles, viewing videos, and hoping I've found the help I need.  I had a talk with my wife and told her I was depressed (about six years ago I was treated for depression) but I did not have the courage to tell her I am addicted to porn.  Frankly, I don't think she would understand and she would certainly be hurt.

So, this journal entry is another small step.  I have been porn free for 6 days.

 

[OldHornyGuy]

You have found the right place, Cycle!

Six days is no small feat, you are heading in the right direction.  I am sure many of us here first thought we could never make a week porn free, but now we have been weeks, months and years free, and you can do it too!

I am sure you will find lots of support and ideas here.  At some point you will want to involve your wife more fully, but that time can come later. 

Be strong, we are rooting for you!

Peace.

 

[Androg]

Would your wife be willing to explore a very non-goal oriented approach to sex with you? It can be good during recovery...or even beyond: http://www.reuniting.info/node/7220 The emphasis on daily affection, which might make you both feel better.

 

[OldHornyGuy]

Excellent suggestion, Androg!

 

[Viper]

Cycle,
that is so awesome to read.
To delete your downloaded porn is a huge step forward.
If you only knew!
I"m happy for you and I think you have the right attitude to turn the tide.
It's not easy but quite a few of us have overcome.
Everything starts with that first step.
Keep reading and writing.
It helps.  8)

 

[savingmysoul]

hey Cycle,

Welcome to the Nation -
Big step forward, and not an easy one.
We are all here to help one another get through this, some days better than others.

You have the strength inside you,

SMS

 

[Cycle]

Thanks to everyone for the kind posts in support.  They have helped and this Forum is great.

Almost had a relapse today.  I got interested in the story about the nude photo leaks and started checking out some of the photos on reddit.  Had the wisdom to tell myself to knock it off and head over to Reboot to get my mind in the right place.

I wanted to ask if any of you have had problems with Depression and Anxiety.  Specifically, do you think the PMO addiction added to the problem?  If stopping the pattern helped?  How long it take for the Depression to abate?

Thanks in advance for any help.

 

[rider654321]

Hi Cycle,

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on making it this far. I hope with the support of the others in here you'll find the right mindset to continue to keep moving forward and rid yourself of this insidious addiction.

Keep up the good work and stay strong. 

 

[rider654321]

I also recommend you read the information in this link. A member sent it me to read in the very early days of my reboot and it was the best thing I have read about getting your mindset right to succeed. So I hope its as helpful to you as well   

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?PHPSESSID=f5777bcfb4f7a9c5e5eae32d7a90087d&topic=3078.0

 

[Cycle]

Thanks for that quote Rider.  I had seen it and I have taken it to heart.  PMO is not an option.