I'm 20 years old and I suffer from porn induced ED. I had no idea what the effects of watching porn had on my brain and what damage it was doing. It was when I began dating my current girlfriend that I had realized I could not get an erection from normal interaction with a girl. I "reasoned" with myself and blamed it on her, ignorant of what I HAD DONE. I sought faults and unattractive qualities in her to blame not being erect. This made me feel like I didn't have the problem but it was her that couldn't turn me on. This made sense in my mind but has had an alternative effect on my girlfriend. She currently blames herself for my ED however I am in love with her, she has given me happiness in ways I had not felt ever. I want to make this work so badly. The worst part of all of this is I AM FULLY WARE OF THE HYPOCRITE THAT I AM, and yet I could not give up my addiction, for me, for her and more importantly God.
My story gets worse as I am a pastors son and I have played many leadership roles in the church. However, being a pastors son has made getting over my addiction more of a struggle. I have no one to talk to, no one to help me and I feel that on my strength alone I will fail. If I tell anyone of my addiction, I as a son will have failed my parents in every way. And I am fully aware that I already have. When I think about it, it drives me insane, I want to run away or sleep forever just do something to end my addiction. I cannot handle the man I have become to know within closed doors I have failed my parents and God.
Since the 18th of August 2014 I have not masturbated to an orgasm however I would be lying if I said I have not watched porn or indulged in pleasing myself. I would use twitter, facebook and google images to get a little taste fully aware that it could send me spiraling straight back down. Today the 24th of August 2014 I have refused to watch any sex related material. I HAVE TO DO THIS not just for me but for those who love me. I HAVE TO be a better man and one day hopefully a better father. My addiction is real and I struggle with it everyday but I refuse to let my potential be wasted away but this world. I will not be another statistic.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me
My story gets worse as I am a pastors son and I have played many leadership roles in the church. However, being a pastors son has made getting over my addiction more of a struggle. I have no one to talk to, no one to help me and I feel that on my strength alone I will fail. If I tell anyone of my addiction, I as a son will have failed my parents in every way. And I am fully aware that I already have. When I think about it, it drives me insane, I want to run away or sleep forever just do something to end my addiction. I cannot handle the man I have become to know within closed doors I have failed my parents and God.
Since the 18th of August 2014 I have not masturbated to an orgasm however I would be lying if I said I have not watched porn or indulged in pleasing myself. I would use twitter, facebook and google images to get a little taste fully aware that it could send me spiraling straight back down. Today the 24th of August 2014 I have refused to watch any sex related material. I HAVE TO DO THIS not just for me but for those who love me. I HAVE TO be a better man and one day hopefully a better father. My addiction is real and I struggle with it everyday but I refuse to let my potential be wasted away but this world. I will not be another statistic.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me