Aussie_Rebooter
Member
Hey everyone,
I'm 29 & started watching porn at around 14 - been addicted for at least 9 years - the last 4 years has resulted in me completely losing my life and soul.I'm not religious at all but that's the best way that i can explain it,my addiction and the resulting symptoms has taken everything from me.I'm educated on the whole reboot/NoFap/No PMO thing.I joined 'yourbrainrebalanced' in late 2012,Iv'e managed to go 94 days on hard mode - no porn,masturbation,orgasm or sex.I felt a lot of benefits,all the things we've heard a million times before - it felt as if i was coming out of a trance like state,shit just seemed "good" again...the sunrise,the smell of my garden,my future actually seemed possible instead of non existent.Depression,Anxiety,Social awkwardness/confidence,sleep,skin improved - and i generally just felt better.It was a very strange experience because i was so used to living and feeling like shit,constantly.I experienced crazy withdrawals that lasted up until around day 85 - and due to the length and severity of my addiction i really think i needed much,much more than 90 days to recover.So i was probably only just starting to get a small glimpse into what a full successful reboot feels like.
My addiction has escalated,it's not uncommon for me to spend up to 14 hours edging,usually its around 5 hours per session.The reason for this is obviously escalation,and also escapism - porn,unlike any other addictive substance iv'e had before,allows me to Completely escape.I mean i totally lose myself in the stuff.So for me the orgasm is just the end result,it's after iv'e had my escape/dopamine fix.It's common for me to PMO 3,4 times a day around 5/6 hour sessions as well...so it's a pretty serious issue at the moment.I don;t do anything,ever.I don't go out with my mates,socialise with anyone - iv'e locked myself in my room for 4 years and wasted the time in front of a screen jerking off.Over the years iv'e lost potential GF's over it,like girls would text or ring me (when i still had some sort of a life) and i'd brush them off because i'd rather stay home and wank than go out and socialise and fuck girls....this is going back a decade here.Iv'e been single for 8 years.Had sex with probably 50+ prostitutes in that decade,wasted thousands of dollars.Iv'e had suicidal thoughts,which i think is pretty normal for anyone in my situation - id never do it though as i have to much hope and motivation,it's just not "in me" to take my own life.
I have no doubt at all now that al of my symptoms are caused directly from my addiction.My symptoms has resulted in me having a horrible life,it works hand in hand.Iv'e had several debates with people on other boards about what PMO can directly cause,that you can;t "blame" everything on a PMO addiction etc,just to let everyone know and i don't want to offend anyone - i will not be participating in any lengthy debates about this subject - i know what it's done to me and my life,and iv'e experienced what it's like when you reboot for a decent period of time.I have no doubts at all about what i can achieve when i reboot - i can have it all,but it will never happen if i keep fapping.
The reason my reboot failed and i inevitably relapsed was because i didn't replace my addiction with anything else,well anything big enough.I exercised,lifting and cardio 6 days a week,went for daily walks,posted a lot on YBR - watched a tonne of motivational stuff online....and aside from that i literally spent the 94 days at home doing nothing.The relapse hit me hard,and since late june last year the longest run iv'e been o is 14 days.Recently i made it to 5 days...i'm finding it much harder to stay clean now than i did in 2013.
I don't suffer from ED - which is unusual considering the severity of my addiction.What i mean by ED,is being able to get it up - iv'e never not been able to get hard with women,pro's.However it's not 100%...usually my erection stays at around 80% to rougly estimate - so i do have a "bit" of ED.
2014:
This year has been pretty weird,i got my licence,enrolled in university - and dropped out after 2 weeks because i realised that my brain is not functioning enough to study at a tertiary level.I simply could not focus,concentrate or take and process information properly etc.However i'm seeing it as a positive thing though,.because a year ago there's no way i could've gone to university...so i know i can do it - i even noticed girls checking me out etc,i loved the campus lifestyle - everyone is positive generally and wants to succeed in life.I plan on going back as soon as i can.Until then i'll get a job and save some cash,possibly travel.
5 days ago my 16 year old cousin took his own life,i barely knew the kid as he lived and grew up in the United states.I only met him a few times,however it really effected me.Death kind of puts the reality of life into your mind,you realise life is short in you only have one shot.Iv'e lost friends and family over the years,never from suicide though.It's just so horrible my aunt found him,he used a gun so i can;t even imagine what my aunt and uncle are going through - they are moving back to Australia.
In 2012,and most of 203 - even during my long run,i still had heaps of doubts.It's hard to explain,but i thought "yeah i can improve,but i'll never be normal,i'll never get another GF,have a wife,kids...etc" - that was just what i felt and believed - now however i know thats bullshit - i can have it all,it's all up to me now,and my addiction is the only thing holding me back.I had my 29th birthday a few weeks ago,and man....it was a bad one.I did nothing,i even had a mate text me and say "WTF are you doing bro come over"...it's just a terrible thing what this addiction has done to me.I can't stress enough how much i need to reboot,i'm just at the stage now where it has to be done.
I realise this intro is a all over the place and un-edited,i thought it was better to just get all my issues out there without making a huge post.I look forward to getting to know you all and offering my support to those who need it.Guys like Gabe,Fugu & Tobias from YBR have really inspired me,even though our situations are different i can relate a lot to them.
It's time to become a man,cheers guys,Aussie.
I'm 29 & started watching porn at around 14 - been addicted for at least 9 years - the last 4 years has resulted in me completely losing my life and soul.I'm not religious at all but that's the best way that i can explain it,my addiction and the resulting symptoms has taken everything from me.I'm educated on the whole reboot/NoFap/No PMO thing.I joined 'yourbrainrebalanced' in late 2012,Iv'e managed to go 94 days on hard mode - no porn,masturbation,orgasm or sex.I felt a lot of benefits,all the things we've heard a million times before - it felt as if i was coming out of a trance like state,shit just seemed "good" again...the sunrise,the smell of my garden,my future actually seemed possible instead of non existent.Depression,Anxiety,Social awkwardness/confidence,sleep,skin improved - and i generally just felt better.It was a very strange experience because i was so used to living and feeling like shit,constantly.I experienced crazy withdrawals that lasted up until around day 85 - and due to the length and severity of my addiction i really think i needed much,much more than 90 days to recover.So i was probably only just starting to get a small glimpse into what a full successful reboot feels like.
My addiction has escalated,it's not uncommon for me to spend up to 14 hours edging,usually its around 5 hours per session.The reason for this is obviously escalation,and also escapism - porn,unlike any other addictive substance iv'e had before,allows me to Completely escape.I mean i totally lose myself in the stuff.So for me the orgasm is just the end result,it's after iv'e had my escape/dopamine fix.It's common for me to PMO 3,4 times a day around 5/6 hour sessions as well...so it's a pretty serious issue at the moment.I don;t do anything,ever.I don't go out with my mates,socialise with anyone - iv'e locked myself in my room for 4 years and wasted the time in front of a screen jerking off.Over the years iv'e lost potential GF's over it,like girls would text or ring me (when i still had some sort of a life) and i'd brush them off because i'd rather stay home and wank than go out and socialise and fuck girls....this is going back a decade here.Iv'e been single for 8 years.Had sex with probably 50+ prostitutes in that decade,wasted thousands of dollars.Iv'e had suicidal thoughts,which i think is pretty normal for anyone in my situation - id never do it though as i have to much hope and motivation,it's just not "in me" to take my own life.
I have no doubt at all now that al of my symptoms are caused directly from my addiction.My symptoms has resulted in me having a horrible life,it works hand in hand.Iv'e had several debates with people on other boards about what PMO can directly cause,that you can;t "blame" everything on a PMO addiction etc,just to let everyone know and i don't want to offend anyone - i will not be participating in any lengthy debates about this subject - i know what it's done to me and my life,and iv'e experienced what it's like when you reboot for a decent period of time.I have no doubts at all about what i can achieve when i reboot - i can have it all,but it will never happen if i keep fapping.
The reason my reboot failed and i inevitably relapsed was because i didn't replace my addiction with anything else,well anything big enough.I exercised,lifting and cardio 6 days a week,went for daily walks,posted a lot on YBR - watched a tonne of motivational stuff online....and aside from that i literally spent the 94 days at home doing nothing.The relapse hit me hard,and since late june last year the longest run iv'e been o is 14 days.Recently i made it to 5 days...i'm finding it much harder to stay clean now than i did in 2013.
I don't suffer from ED - which is unusual considering the severity of my addiction.What i mean by ED,is being able to get it up - iv'e never not been able to get hard with women,pro's.However it's not 100%...usually my erection stays at around 80% to rougly estimate - so i do have a "bit" of ED.
2014:
This year has been pretty weird,i got my licence,enrolled in university - and dropped out after 2 weeks because i realised that my brain is not functioning enough to study at a tertiary level.I simply could not focus,concentrate or take and process information properly etc.However i'm seeing it as a positive thing though,.because a year ago there's no way i could've gone to university...so i know i can do it - i even noticed girls checking me out etc,i loved the campus lifestyle - everyone is positive generally and wants to succeed in life.I plan on going back as soon as i can.Until then i'll get a job and save some cash,possibly travel.
5 days ago my 16 year old cousin took his own life,i barely knew the kid as he lived and grew up in the United states.I only met him a few times,however it really effected me.Death kind of puts the reality of life into your mind,you realise life is short in you only have one shot.Iv'e lost friends and family over the years,never from suicide though.It's just so horrible my aunt found him,he used a gun so i can;t even imagine what my aunt and uncle are going through - they are moving back to Australia.
In 2012,and most of 203 - even during my long run,i still had heaps of doubts.It's hard to explain,but i thought "yeah i can improve,but i'll never be normal,i'll never get another GF,have a wife,kids...etc" - that was just what i felt and believed - now however i know thats bullshit - i can have it all,it's all up to me now,and my addiction is the only thing holding me back.I had my 29th birthday a few weeks ago,and man....it was a bad one.I did nothing,i even had a mate text me and say "WTF are you doing bro come over"...it's just a terrible thing what this addiction has done to me.I can't stress enough how much i need to reboot,i'm just at the stage now where it has to be done.
I realise this intro is a all over the place and un-edited,i thought it was better to just get all my issues out there without making a huge post.I look forward to getting to know you all and offering my support to those who need it.Guys like Gabe,Fugu & Tobias from YBR have really inspired me,even though our situations are different i can relate a lot to them.
It's time to become a man,cheers guys,Aussie.
