Elmo
New Member
Hello All!
My name is James and I'm 16 years old and live in Ireland. This is my journal. First of all I'd like to say to anyone reading this, please do leave feedback as I am in need of support, help etc... I'm in a dark place right now, and the task ahead of me seems particularly daunting, but with you guys to help me I'm sure I'll make it out okay and become completely recovered. Gotta stay positive!
Now, to the life story,
It all started when I was 13 years old. Myself and my group of friends would have the occasional chat about masturbation (the new and exciting idea it was to us at the time).
In all these talks we'd discuss notable videos, actresses and so on. I myself had not started masturbating yet and so my only real education came from my friends at the time. I felt like I was late to start masturbating and as such built the curiosity to try it.
So when the house was empty, I took my chance and went on to the internet to look up a porn website and look at what my friends had been discussing last (which was lesbian porn). And as such the first time I ever masturbated I used porn.
From that point on I rarely masturbated without porn. Of course since I started young enough I gradually went to harder and harder porn, more vulgar and shocking material. I did this without a care in the world, frequently masturbating without a clue to what the consequences would be. And this is where I think the problem is with the world we're in today. There was no education to tell me that the habit I had acquired would harm me later in life. I thought it was harmless.
On January 2nd 2014, I started going out with an absolutely amazing girl. My proper long term girlfriend. We're still together today. Around the 6th/7th month mark in our relationship we tried to have sex. I couldn't get it up and was nothing short of gutted. I felt like crying. I blamed it on the alcohol in my system (which would actually make perfect sense, from then on I stopped drinking). So later on we tried a second time. Then a third. This was when I realised I had a problem.
I found the research on the internet and now I'm here, writing this journal. As of now, my girlfriend knows I've had this problem and as such we haven't attempted to have sex again.
After I found out about "rebooting" and such I was filled with a spark of hope and my mood was instantly uplifted. But, alas it was never gonna be that easy, was it?
I'm part of the group that was raised on the high speed broadband porn so I have to effectively "re-wire" my brain. And from what I've read this takes a significant amount of time. This hit me quite hard because I want to be able to be restored to my working best as fast as possible because I REALLY want to have sex with my girlfriend. Like REALLY badly. And the worse part is 1) I've put her off of it and 2) I'm gonna be waiting a long time.
So yeah.. I'm sure I share the same view with a lot of people on this forum that really, We've been victims. We didn't want any of this to happen? But of course there's no point thinking about the past and we MUST look forward so from here on, I'm on a mission.
I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get myself back in working order
For me to achieve this however I'm going to need YOUR help. Whoever is reading this right now. Please leave me feedback or advice. Anything. I'd be ridiculously grateful. I need someone to guide through what I need to do to fix myself.
And of course I'd like to thank anyone who made it this far and actually cared enough to read this. THANK YOU.
Gotta stay positive right?
Regards,
James, 16, Ireland
My name is James and I'm 16 years old and live in Ireland. This is my journal. First of all I'd like to say to anyone reading this, please do leave feedback as I am in need of support, help etc... I'm in a dark place right now, and the task ahead of me seems particularly daunting, but with you guys to help me I'm sure I'll make it out okay and become completely recovered. Gotta stay positive!
Now, to the life story,
It all started when I was 13 years old. Myself and my group of friends would have the occasional chat about masturbation (the new and exciting idea it was to us at the time).
In all these talks we'd discuss notable videos, actresses and so on. I myself had not started masturbating yet and so my only real education came from my friends at the time. I felt like I was late to start masturbating and as such built the curiosity to try it.
So when the house was empty, I took my chance and went on to the internet to look up a porn website and look at what my friends had been discussing last (which was lesbian porn). And as such the first time I ever masturbated I used porn.
From that point on I rarely masturbated without porn. Of course since I started young enough I gradually went to harder and harder porn, more vulgar and shocking material. I did this without a care in the world, frequently masturbating without a clue to what the consequences would be. And this is where I think the problem is with the world we're in today. There was no education to tell me that the habit I had acquired would harm me later in life. I thought it was harmless.
On January 2nd 2014, I started going out with an absolutely amazing girl. My proper long term girlfriend. We're still together today. Around the 6th/7th month mark in our relationship we tried to have sex. I couldn't get it up and was nothing short of gutted. I felt like crying. I blamed it on the alcohol in my system (which would actually make perfect sense, from then on I stopped drinking). So later on we tried a second time. Then a third. This was when I realised I had a problem.
I found the research on the internet and now I'm here, writing this journal. As of now, my girlfriend knows I've had this problem and as such we haven't attempted to have sex again.
After I found out about "rebooting" and such I was filled with a spark of hope and my mood was instantly uplifted. But, alas it was never gonna be that easy, was it?
I'm part of the group that was raised on the high speed broadband porn so I have to effectively "re-wire" my brain. And from what I've read this takes a significant amount of time. This hit me quite hard because I want to be able to be restored to my working best as fast as possible because I REALLY want to have sex with my girlfriend. Like REALLY badly. And the worse part is 1) I've put her off of it and 2) I'm gonna be waiting a long time.
So yeah.. I'm sure I share the same view with a lot of people on this forum that really, We've been victims. We didn't want any of this to happen? But of course there's no point thinking about the past and we MUST look forward so from here on, I'm on a mission.
I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get myself back in working order
For me to achieve this however I'm going to need YOUR help. Whoever is reading this right now. Please leave me feedback or advice. Anything. I'd be ridiculously grateful. I need someone to guide through what I need to do to fix myself.
And of course I'd like to thank anyone who made it this far and actually cared enough to read this. THANK YOU.
Gotta stay positive right?
Regards,
James, 16, Ireland
