Gradual progress or completely starting over?

[QuakerOats]

Sorry if this topic has been covered before.

After finally realizing early this summer (no thanks to my urologist) that, at 22 years old, my ED is most likely the product of my past heavy porn consumption, I started rebooting. It's definitely been a struggle, and while I haven't made it very close to the 100+ day mark, I've made it over a month without PMO on two separate occasions. Last week I experienced a withdrawal that was especially upsetting to me and it got me thinking... do I have to start all the way over, or am I still closer to a successful reboot because of my progress this summer? If it helps, all of my withdrawals were single occurrences which did not lead to binging. 

Anyone have any experience with this?

Thanks! 

 

[jjhh]

do I have to start all the way over, or am I still closer to a successful reboot because of my progress this summer? If it helps, all of my withdrawals were single occurrences which did not lead to binging. 

Absolutely you are closer. Especially if you didn't binge and relapse 100%.
It's good to remember that there are no clear rules to reboot, for everyone it's different. Some need 90 days of no PMO, some need less, some guys with serious ED have needed much longer to recover, with months of flatlining and zero lipido.
Either way, single or shorterm setback doesn't kill you progress all together. That's the general consensus.

I'm around 35 days of my reboot. MO'd once without porn week ago. I try not to from now on, but I don't worry about.
I didn't really notice negative effects apart from slight "tracer effect" (increased urges) for few days.
I don't really count days anymore, that is I haven't set a certain number of days until " successful".
I'm trying to change my lifestyle for good.

 

[fightthefight]

Even reducing your porn use significantly can lead to lots of positive changes, so certainly don't write off gradual progress. My experience has been that I have struggled with this for years, but made a fresh commitment about 3 months ago to really get free. Over that time, I have gone from using porn two or three times a week (and masturbating most days) to using it on average once every two or three weeks (over the last couple of months) and cutting down on masturbation too. It can be useful to keep a spreadsheet like the one I use in my signature to keep a record of your progress over time. Nevertheless, my goal is total abstinence - each time I relapse, I recommit to getting free and do whatever I can to get there.

I do not want to excuse relapses by thinking that just cutting down is OK, but I recognise that often progress is not purely lineal but happens in cycles and if the overall trend is downward then I am getting there. Each time I relapse, I do not allow myself to think "a second relapse wouldn't be too bad... I'm still progressing" but instead I ask "Why did I relapse? How can I prevent this from happening?" and then my spreadsheet/average acts to deter me from serial relapsing but instead to keep focussed on pressing forwards.

So to summarise: don't beat yourself up that you aren't at 100+ days yet, but be aware of whether the trend is improving and if you do relapse, see what you can learn from it and commit afresh to abstaining. You will get further than you thought possible sooner than you think!