IChooseTheHardWay95
Member
Hy Gabe !I'm Chris and I'm writing down my story here hoping that I get an answer from you and some power to keep me moving forward, but of course I'm sharing my story with everyone so new and old members can see that their struggle is real and they fighting for no nothing.!
I'm writing from Hungary so my english is not perfect but it's enough! so I start....
I think my story starts in my 10th year living on earth, I'm a fat kid with no ambition and no real chance of getting close to a girl.
My parents are divorced so I was constatly traveling back & forth from my dad to home! So as a little guy who had no self esteem and was sweating like a pig from five fast steps I always thought to myself "Is there a girl who wants a guy like me? No...definately no." I writing these things down because I think these are the roots of my addiction. Porn was an escape for me...an easy route.
So one day I was sitting at my dad's place, my dad was away with some chicks and I found one of his porn movies. He had a lot of those...I started to think " hmmm maybe I should watch one of them..nooo it's not for me." But sadly i needed not much more convincing to put the film into the player and dispose myself to this madness. I was immediately captured by it. As a kid with no chance with women this was the only way I could get some intimacy..( I was wrong..what a fool I was). So from the beginning I started to watch more and more of my dad's movies and even some dirty magazines... maybe it was at my 12 year old period when I realized that we have internet connection at home and I can find tons of more videos on the websites. As with everyone else...this was the time when things began to get really ugly.
I masturbated maybe 3-4 days out of 7 every week. Looking back now...It was a nightmare, but then and there it felt so good.
This is how it happened that not knowing any of the effects of my habit I slowly destroyed my brain in the process....
When I think back I had ED with many women and I thought it was because of anxiety but now I know that it was because over the years I wired my brain to get aroused by porn. The realization began when I started to have difficulties having a boner when I was with my girlfriend , you have to know that she was the girl who took my virginity and the first girl who I started to have sex with.
She began to worry about my ED and googled on the thing...she found some links and shared it with me. Through this I found YourBrainOnPorn.com and with it I had an epiphany. I finally knew what was my problem...I was in both joy and sorrow. I was afraid because I knew that his will be a long and painful struggle!
You know I talked about the girl who took my virginity , we are together know, but this ED problem is destroying our relationship which is not the strongest because we only started dating about a month ago..I feel that in her I found the girl I could love and I don't want to lose her because of this....
So please help me. How she could help me with this? You have any words for her? There are any methods to make my reboot faster?
Lately I started to have withdrawal symptoms such as depression, feeling that I worth nothing, my selfesteem has dropped down to the very bottom, sometimes anxiety, I belive I also had a slight panic attack a few days ago, and the constant fear of losing my girlfirend and that I end up being alone,Intense, insatiable desire for human contact,yet a terible fear of
actualy geting it! and some mood swings...! I know that this will be a painful struggle but I will go through it alone or with the help of others because I know that life will be even better after that.... Thank you !
Much love,
Chris
I'm writing from Hungary so my english is not perfect but it's enough! so I start....
I think my story starts in my 10th year living on earth, I'm a fat kid with no ambition and no real chance of getting close to a girl.
My parents are divorced so I was constatly traveling back & forth from my dad to home! So as a little guy who had no self esteem and was sweating like a pig from five fast steps I always thought to myself "Is there a girl who wants a guy like me? No...definately no." I writing these things down because I think these are the roots of my addiction. Porn was an escape for me...an easy route.
So one day I was sitting at my dad's place, my dad was away with some chicks and I found one of his porn movies. He had a lot of those...I started to think " hmmm maybe I should watch one of them..nooo it's not for me." But sadly i needed not much more convincing to put the film into the player and dispose myself to this madness. I was immediately captured by it. As a kid with no chance with women this was the only way I could get some intimacy..( I was wrong..what a fool I was). So from the beginning I started to watch more and more of my dad's movies and even some dirty magazines... maybe it was at my 12 year old period when I realized that we have internet connection at home and I can find tons of more videos on the websites. As with everyone else...this was the time when things began to get really ugly.
I masturbated maybe 3-4 days out of 7 every week. Looking back now...It was a nightmare, but then and there it felt so good.
This is how it happened that not knowing any of the effects of my habit I slowly destroyed my brain in the process....
When I think back I had ED with many women and I thought it was because of anxiety but now I know that it was because over the years I wired my brain to get aroused by porn. The realization began when I started to have difficulties having a boner when I was with my girlfriend , you have to know that she was the girl who took my virginity and the first girl who I started to have sex with.
She began to worry about my ED and googled on the thing...she found some links and shared it with me. Through this I found YourBrainOnPorn.com and with it I had an epiphany. I finally knew what was my problem...I was in both joy and sorrow. I was afraid because I knew that his will be a long and painful struggle!
You know I talked about the girl who took my virginity , we are together know, but this ED problem is destroying our relationship which is not the strongest because we only started dating about a month ago..I feel that in her I found the girl I could love and I don't want to lose her because of this....
So please help me. How she could help me with this? You have any words for her? There are any methods to make my reboot faster?
Lately I started to have withdrawal symptoms such as depression, feeling that I worth nothing, my selfesteem has dropped down to the very bottom, sometimes anxiety, I belive I also had a slight panic attack a few days ago, and the constant fear of losing my girlfirend and that I end up being alone,Intense, insatiable desire for human contact,yet a terible fear of
actualy geting it! and some mood swings...! I know that this will be a painful struggle but I will go through it alone or with the help of others because I know that life will be even better after that.... Thank you !
Much love,
Chris
)