Update: Restarting to whole process

[uolihp]

Hi everyone,

I watch this website videos on youtube and it's been some kind of revelation...
(FYI, english is not my native language and it's not easy to write about this since it's the very first time I write or talk about it.)

I'm almost 30, married for 3 years and living together for 6 years. Things are going quite well, my wife is beautiful and we are planning to have kids soon (we been trying for the last 6 months).
I've been using porn for years and my addiction evolved with internet evolution and the connection speed of the place I was living at the time (I'm traveling a lot... discovering new stuff, might have something to do with dopamine...)
For almost a year, I have a good internet connection again and my addiction has come back and started to impact negatively on me and on my relation.
I learned on this site that I was doing something called edging (masturbating to porn without orgasm) and that this was bad. We have sex about every 2 days with my wife, it has decreased a bit since we decided to have a baby when we've seen that this was better to "hold" for 1 or to 2 days to increase sperm quality (that's why I'm edging... call me stupid). Before that, it was more often so I didn't have to complain. And now, once every 2 days, I still don't have to complain!

So yesterday after watching the videos, I decided to delete all porn I had on my computer... a major step for me and I am resolute to stop going online for porn... I presuming it's going to be hard and that's why I thought this forum could help me.

I stopped because I don't want to be addicted to anything (I completely stop smoking 3 years ago and stopped smoking pot 5 years ago). I don't want to be hold back and I want to realize my full human potential in my life. This article describe pretty well how I see my 30s http://markmanson.net/10-life-lessons-excel-30s
I don't have ED problems at all, sometimes it just a bit hard to orgasm with my wife... it takes sometimes and she might get bored which is not good. And pleasure is not what it used to be a couple of months ago.

The videos also made me wonder if I was not "less in love" with my wife. I'm still in love but maybe my feeling are blurred and I can't tolerate this. I will stop using porn but I will definitely not stop having sex with my wife, she doesn't know about my problem.

I hope this forum will help me end for good. I will tell you how I'm doing with this and I'll try to help others if I can...

 

[Sledge]

Awesome to see you on here uolihp!

I wish you all the best with your reboot!  I'm exactly the same mentality as you as far as not being addicted to anything!
I kicked drinking etc. really easily, however this addiction has taken so much longer due to it's secrecy in my life!

Hoping the forum is exactly what you need!  Be encouraged!

 

[buddha]

edging seemed to be my deal as well mate. Id be surfing porn for over an hour on average every day. I don't have a wife coming home so thats the convenience I had with porn. Edging was me trying to find the absolute best porn.. haha

sounds pethetic when I write it down and realize what I was doing. I look at this as myself getting my man card back. If I want a f*$k its gonna be with a real lady not a pixalted pic.

good luck and keep yourself busy to avoid temptation

 

[uolihp]

Today I really want to watch some porn again, I'm thinking about it every time I have a minute... Now I'm alone at home and it's really hard to resist. So I thought I should come here and write to pass some time and maybe tomorrow will be easier!

At some point I hope I will not think about watching porn at all, I'm not sure I can resist like that forever. After one week I don't see anything new in my behaviour but I guess it's normal I need more time. It's good to read your stories and to see I'm not alone after all.

Thanks for the support

 

[dogtired]

I tell you the first few weeks for me went easier when I was engrossed in a book. Doesn't work for all but if you get into it, its a great distraction.

 

[uolihp]

Hi everyone,
It's been 2 weeks now.
I really had some doubts at first but most of the stuff in the video is actually true. I'm in the phase when I don't feel so good and have less sexual desire. I definitely don't feel better now, maybe a little bit more sociable but not that much. Sex is not better for the moment...
I still have to resist not to watch porn any time I'm alone in front of a computer, and when I come to this forum it does really help to read some stories... it's really encouraging to see that I'm not alone.
I've read an article stating that what is written in this website is not true... hasn't change the way I see things. I'm not a religious person, no fundamentalist at all; I know porn is not "pure evil" but also know that the actresses are not enjoying what they're doing. I've read porn has helped some couples... maybe, but I still believe I can become a sort of strong addiction, don't care if it's more physical or psychological, it's here and as far as I can see, there are some long term benefits to quit.
I'm going camping for a weekend, I'm sure this will help.
I try reading... works but you might need a book you really like and it's not that easy to find!

Good luck to everyone

 

[Gabe Deem]

@ uolihp

I'm in the phase when I don't feel so good and have less sexual desire. I definitely don't feel better now, maybe a little bit more sociable but not that much. Sex is not better for the moment...

This is very common and it appears you are in a flatline. I personally went through 6 months of absolutely no sexual desire, and feeling like crap, before my brain started to balance it self out. Stay patient. The feelings you have right now are to be expected, and are temporary.

I've read an article stating that what is written in this website is not true...

Was the article about RN or YBOP? Would you mind posting the link?

 

[uolihp]

http://www.healthline.com/health-news/researchers-say-porn-addiction-not-real-022214

Scientists debates... so many people here show the opposite, and common sense too.

If you stop something that is really hard to stop and that you feel better afterwards, I say it's worth it, don't care if scientists don't want to call it "addiction"

 

[Gabe Deem]

Yea I figured that was the article you were talking about. That bogus "review" is not what it appears to be.

The Ley review was not a real review of the available literature as it:
1) omitted many studies
2) misrepresented the content of many of the studies they did cite
3) contained about 10 citations that had nothing to do with the text
4) made a complete mess of addiction neuroscience (claiming that the only real addictions are to opiates, and that you need gay rats to study porn addiction)
5) and so much more (read it)

It's important to understand that this was NOT an unbiased review of the literature. The lead author was David Ley.

David Ley is the Author of the Myth of Sex Addiction. Everyone knows David Ley's position, as he has written about 20 Psychology Today blog posts claiming that porn addiction doesn't exist, PIED doesn't exist, and that no amount of porn can cause a problem. see - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray

This is the first and only time that a "review of the literature", published in a journal, has been authored by someone who has never published any research, and who has no expertise in the subject (which is addiction).

Here are the facts:

1) Leys life's work is to dispute porn and sex addiction.

2) Ley has written a book stating that porn addiction cannot exist.

3) Ley has made numerous appearances on TV shows, radio, and podcasts to discredit porn addiction.

4) Ley has never published research.

5) Ley has no training in addiction neurobiology, and has admitted this publicly (read his blog posts).

6) Ley has said on his blog that he doesn't understand the mechanisms of addiction.

7) David Ley cherry-picked the studies he included...and excluded.

The editors of the journal specifically asked Ley to write his opinion piece masquerading as a review. It's clear that they have an agenda. If editors Moser and Kleinplatz seriously wanted an impartial review of the state of relevant research and its implications for clinicians, why didn't they ask a neuroscientist, or an addiction specialist who has spent years studying addiction?

Why not ask one of the world's top addiction researchers such as Valerie Voon of Cambridge, who did the first brain scan studies on porn addicts, and will soon publish the results? See: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/pornography-addiction-leads-to-same-brain-activity-as-alcoholism-or-drug-abuse-study-shows-8832708.html By the way David Ley chose not to include the Voon study in his review, even though he mentioned other "in press" studies.

Why didn't they ask a member of the American Society for Addiction Medicine who are the real addiction neuroscientists (3000 researchers and MD's, including the head of NIDA, Nora Volkow). Please read the ASAM new definition of addiction, and you will see that ASAM has stated that sexual behavior addiction exists, and involves the same mechanisms as other addictions. See - http://www.asam.org/advocacy/find-a-policy-statement/view-policy-statement/public-policy-statements/2011/12/15/the-definition-of-addiction

Instead the editors asked a biased psychologist, with absolutely no training in addiction neurobiology, and who has never done research (let alone addiction research), and who publicly says he doesn't understand addiction neurobiology, to write a "review" on addiction.

Why not have Pfizer executives do review of the effectiveness of their antidepressants? Why not have the tobacco companies do a review of the potential harms of cigarettes?

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=65.0

and to read a critique of the review pointing out all the flaws check this out:

http://pornstudycritiques.com/the-emperor-has-no-clothes-a-fractured-fairytale-posing-as-a-review/

 

[alotofhopenow]

I tell you the first few weeks for me went easier when I was engrossed in a book. Doesn't work for all but if you get into it, its a great distraction.

Looks like you're fighting the good fight!

Keep going strong.

 

[uolihp]

I'm starting to notice that rebooting is a true thing and that it is on its way...

1. Sex with my wife is sometimes great sometimes "just okay" (we're trying to have a kid, so we're doing it every 2 days); before rebooting, I didn't noticed that because I didn't pay attention to how good was sex. I was focusing on being able to cum and sometimes I could because I had been watching to much porn during the day and edging too much.

2. I tried to see if I was able to masturbate (focusing only on thoughts about my wife, no porn images or videos at all)... soooo disappointing! I could barely get hard and didn't feel anything. So I drop it, it's not that important as long as I don't have problems with my wife anymore (I get hard in a minute with her). I just hope that when the rebooting process will be over I will be able to masturbate again without watching any porn of course!

3. I'm calling friends way more often! I have more interest in what people are up to.

4. More efficient at work. I don't have any internet filter at work and I knew the IT guy wasn't looking so I could watch NSFW site... not good for my productivity. It's quite of a problem because now I'm too efficient... so I decided to take a break and come here

5. I have days when I feel more alive

6. I still have many urges to go online, open a private window, and you know what's next. There is still a little devil's voice telling me "it won't be that bad just too watch this stuff again, just once, for old times sake, don't you want to see a pretty girl doing bad stuff (evil laugh)" I hope this guy will shut up at some point!! It's not everyday anymore so I guess it's positive. Hopefully, another guy in my head tells me to go online on this forum and to keep on the fight!

 

[uolihp]

Hi guys,

I've been away from my computer for almost 1 week and I've been SOOOOO good!

Some short holidays/long week-end with my wife and friends, partying and having fun day and night.
Sex was so great also. Even though I was a bit drunk (!), I had no problem at all to ejaculate with my wife. Before, with a small beer (and sometimes without any), I started having problems and couldn't end it which was a problem since my wife had enough before I did.

The good thing is that I see that my situation is truly improving and that porn was affecting my whole life in a very bad way.

The bad thing is that being back in front of a computer is still a torture... it's still so hard to avoid going back to the good old websites. It's was so easy with no computer access not even to think about it.

I know it's a long process but I really hope someday it will become easier...

 

[uolihp]

Some update

I was doing find for some time, but then, I still don't understand how and why, I started again... and the problems I had are coming back: less social, a bit depressed, less efficient at work, sex not as good as before, etc

Maybe, it was because I had to take a semen analysis... I downloaded a couple of video on my phone because this analysis was kinda stressful and I was afraid I couldn't do it without porn... Before that, I was able to masturbate without but I thought it would be complicated in a medical environment.

Anyways, that's not an excuse so I decided to come back here and find some support in your posts.

My wife is 7 weeks pregnant now, I need to be supportive, I need to be excellent at work, I just cannot go on like that.

Thanks for your support

 

[vispren]

Congratulations, man! Glad to see you go back to no porn.