"Why hard only at porn"

[otanerferguson]

Hi roark,

I am intrigued by reading about an Italian man and these issues. How porn is destroying cultures who for millennia have been known for their sexual energy. You know, we in the rest of the world see Italians as some sort of super men and we look up to you. Virile, refined but rugged at the same time with a love for food, life, good design and of course women. I am Guatemalan and so much admire Italian culture in every sense that I got engaged in Modena to my Guatemalan girlfriend while traveling. And to think that cheap digital video cameras are bringing all of us down is just incredible. And so stealthily too, 'cause in my case it never even occurred to me to link ED to porn. It's just counter intuitive.

Anyway I applaud your journey and soon you will be fully back living la dolce vita, I am sure!!

Do you think this is the flatline? I don't feel depressed at all, quite the opposite.
Yes, no libido, but that was expected: I was only turned on by porn, now remove that...

I believe that the flatline is a very physical response. I imagine the addictive behavior being like an arm wrestle between the increase in stimulus coming into the brain and the brain trying to control that input to protect its circuitry by numbing your dopamine receptors. Both sides are pushing hard, and with escalating stimulus in one direction, you got even more desensitization pushing in the other direction. When quitting porn, I see it as one of the arm wrestlers just giving up and exerting no more pressure in one direction (the stimulus). The other guy ends up exerting too much strength to the opposite side and banging both hands on the table with tremendous force. That's your flatline. Until that guy slowly lets go, neither will be able to lift their hands.

That's my caricaturized view of it 

Keep on going, I will be rooting for you (and myself)

 

[roark]

I am intrigued by reading about an Italian man and these issues. How porn is destroying cultures who for millennia have been known for their sexual energy. You know, we in the rest of the world see Italians as some sort of super men and we look up to you. Virile, refined but rugged at the same time with a love for food, life, good design and of course women. I am Guatemalan and so much admire Italian culture in every sense that I got engaged in Modena to my Guatemalan girlfriend while traveling. And to think that cheap digital video cameras are bringing all of us down is just incredible. And so stealthily too, 'cause in my case it never even occurred to me to link ED to porn. It's just counter intuitive.

Anyway I applaud your journey and soon you will be fully back living la dolce vita, I am sure!!

Hi Hugo
I'm glad you're a fan of Italy but, sorry to disappoint you, we're not a myth anymore. Yes, the place is still nice, the food, and the women as well. But as far as PIED is concerned, I'm afraid we're not better than any other.

Thanks for your encouragement, I really appreciate.

Today it's day 34. Time flies!
No relapses, not missing P at all...
The enthusiasm of the first weeks has kind of vanished. I'm experiencing generalized anxiety, fatigue, brain fog, headaches. Maybe it's a sign of the flatline, maybe it's just stress. Sex drive is zero. But I still have MWs almost every day.
I've read a lot of articles from YBOP lately, now I understand more my enemy

 

[otanerferguson]

The enthusiasm of the first weeks has kind of vanished. I'm experiencing generalized anxiety, fatigue, brain fog, headaches. Maybe it's a sign of the flatline, maybe it's just stress. Sex drive is zero. But I still have MWs almost every day.

I guess learning plateaus also happen with "unlearning" behaviors. From your posts, I see that you are cerebral like me, and if the research on learning is any indication, then you'll probably enjoy Anders Ericsson's "Peak: Secrets from the new science of expertise" and there might be scientific advice to cope with "unlearning" plateaus. The book reads "...the best way to move beyond [a plateau] is to challenge your brain or your body in a new way...". To solve the motivation issue he turns to deliberate practice, which requires goal setting and constant challenge above your current level and the habits borne out of that intrinsically motivate you to continue (I just don't know the current level of what we are talking about, that is, what to apply it to, but I suspect this holds the answer).

I've read a lot of articles from YBOP lately, now I understand more my enemy

I found this video by Gary Wilson, the guy that wrote the YBOP book and runs the site, that sums up the site and book quite nicely: https://youtu.be/EHHyt6z0osA

I see dopamine addiction lurking everywhere now. I dropped gaming along with my reboot for that reason. Thinking of dopamine hits, there would be times where I would have Warzone in one monitor and a porn video playing on the other one. All this, while avoiding getting work done.

 

[marco_60]

Hi R  ! I hope and wish that your reboot is proceeding smoothly, we do not hear from you  since a couple of weeks...

 

[roark]

Hi Marco!
Thanks for checking in!

I've been missing from RN during the last couple of weeks and I was reading the posts from time to time but not in the mood to participate.
I was feeling quite anxious all the time. And very stressed out. I know they're symptoms of the flatline but I was not 100% sure because I was having a difficult time at work (nothing too bad, just the possibility to take on new responsibilities) and maybe it was just that.

Instead, yesterday something very remarkable happened.

I had an erotic dream at night and I woke up with MW. Later in the morning I was feeling horny and I tried to have sex with my wife (first time since starting rebooting). And it worked! Well I finished a little bit too quickly (something that never happened before), but right after that I could start again (and this hasn't happened since my early 30s) and last all the time necessary.
I'm so happy and today I'm not feeling the flatline.
Let's see what happens next!
One thing I know for sure: I'll stay away from P.

Oh by the way, today it's day 48!

 

[joepanic]

Nice going on 48 days Roark

    I know when I hit that point I never felt better

    Cheers  Post often it helps me it helps you

 

[marco_60]

These are really good news, R  ! And for all of us, not only for you, because your experience demonstrates that it is possible to get back to a normal sexual life .

 

[otanerferguson]

I was feeling quite anxious all the time. And very stressed out. I know they're symptoms of the flatline but I was not 100% sure because I was having a difficult time at work (nothing too bad, just the possibility to take on new responsibilities) and maybe it was just that.

I know what you were feeling. This happened to me too. I try to be very professional with my work and for some reason, I can't seem to be bothered to care about it, over the past couple of weeks. It's not brain fog. Just not wanting to. It's amazing how many similarities there are in every rebooter's journey. But I'm sure it goes away too. A little exercise, hydration, box-breathing go a long way to curb anxiety. Highly recommend it.

Instead, yesterday something very remarkable happened. I had an erotic dream at night and I woke up with MW. Later in the morning I was feeling horny and I tried to have sex with my wife (first time since starting rebooting). And it worked! Well I finished a little bit too quickly (something that never happened before), but right after that I could start again (and this hasn't happened since my early 30s) and last all the time necessary.
I'm so happy and today I'm not feeling the flatline.
Let's see what happens next!
One thing I know for sure: I'll stay away from P.

I am so happy for you, you are conquering this stuff. Beware of the chaser effect and do not go back to anything other than your wife now. Not even masturbation without porn for a while. I am so proud of you man. Your story is great encouragement for all of us!!!

 

[roark]

Day 65.
After the successful sex I had 2 weeks ago I recovered a lot of confidence and was feeling totally out of the flatline: I felt like I could have sex at will at any time.

Things started blurring out little by little last week, and last sunday I tried to have sex with my wife but it was a failure. After the 1st couple of minutes making out, I suddenly lost all motivations. Then I managed to get hard again but during intercourse I felt I was losing excitement. I managed to finish by the way (and also bring her to orgasm). What a disappointment. I felt like no progress had been made that far.

Now I'm totally in flatline.
So weird.
It was too good to be true. I thought I had completely recovered in so little time.

Oh, and I had also some mild cravings today.

Ok roark, I guess you'll have to continue the struggle, let's go ahead!

 

[marco_60]

Your recent experience is similar to previous experiences I had, Roark. You know?, I begin to suspect that it is not sufficient simply to restrain from any form of PMO, but we should also try to help our brain to heal. I mean that probably a purely passive therapy is not sufficient, but we should invent some active way to help the rewiring of our brain.
The actual contents of this active rewire should be probably individually tailored, but the purpose should be that of filling our brain with real sexual experiences, so that the brain not only forgets about the purely virtual stimulation of the PMO but starts to collect memories of the real connection between excitation and sexual satisfaction.