I don't know where I am in the process, help!

BortMcAllister

New Member
I have been rebooting for several months now, and have been pretty good about not relapsing.  I do not feel as though I am addicted to porn, or ever have been, in the sense that I don't crave porn and have gone cold turkey on it quite well.  About a month or two ago, I started getting strong urges to masterbate, and did so a few times, but slowly and with an off hand in order to make it more like doing the real thing (I know).  But other than that I've been good.

Now I did start watching porn at a young age, as young as 10, and I am now 26.  Well before I had sex for the first time.  So I think that's a big factor here.  Any rate, I've had problems with previous girlfriends and this issue.  My current girlfriend, I informed her early on, and bless her, she's been very patient and understanding.  I felt like perhaps my problem was improving as I could become erect regularly and ejaculate if she gave me oral.  Which was encouraging as no other woman was able to before her.

However, we started having sex recently, and yes technically I entered her, but i can't perform in any way worth writing home about. In fact since we started trying to have sex I feel like my problem has gotten much worse, she couldn't even get me off with oral.  I've had fluctuating moods recently, where I felt apathy towards the relationship one day, then the next couldn't stop saying "I love her so much" to myself in my head all day at work.  Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but the mood swings were odd to me.  I have to wonder, am I in flatline?  Is this a silver lining?  We attempt sex 2-3 times a week currently.  Should I cut back to increase sensitivity?

I can't get it hard enough to use a condom and I feel bad, I feel like I'm letting her down because I'm not doing her the honor of wearing one and protecting us from pregnancy in any way other than pulling out.  Given enough time I can ejaculate even if limp, but nothing feels as sensitive as it should. 

I have read and read the website, but I just need help figuring out where I'm at, if I'm doing it right or if I should up my game and go see a sexual therapist.  I feel like I need a game plan to keep on track because I don't want to disappoint her more.  I just took her virginity this week with a limp dick.  I'm not freaking out about it and allowing myself to be anxious but I didn't want it to happen this way.

Please help!
 
Hy BortMcAllister !  First of all  Welcome to the forum ! You found the place where every one of us is going to help you clear the path before you ! The path to your new life ! Secondly I want to thank you for writing about the apathy and the ups&downs you felt about the state of your relationship because I started to have those too recently.... but now I know that this is because of the mood swings ! You see you wouldn't guessed that you can help someone just by writing down your story ! but now let me help you and cheer you up a little ! 
I'm proud of you because you faced your problem and you looking for answers! Well there is no better place to seek than this ! (okay maybe there is If you didn't visited yourbrainonporn.com I strongly advise you to do it !) I'm not gonna say that this is gonna be an easy thing but what matters is the goal ! You can't imagine how many things will change in your life after you get through this but you gonna visit the deepest and darkest moments of your life in the process ! There gonna be mood swings (a lot of them for me at least ) , anxiety, cravings, flashbacks from those dirty movies you watched in the past...so you literally gonna witness the rebalancing of you own mind ! I belive that working out can help you big time because it takes your thoughts away from your situation and also helps you look better which will generally lead you to better chances against anxiety and low selfesteem!  I belive in you and I think you will beat this just be strong!! Very Strong! 

I'm with you brother ! Good luck !
 
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