A lack of alternate activities inhibiting reboots

[doneatlast]

Hello all,

I had a thought the other day.  For most addictions there is some common wisdom of things to do when you feel an "urge".  When you feel like a cigarette do this, when you feel like a drink, do this other thing... and I wonder if a lack of these habits and bits of wisdom is what makes it so hard for all of us.  Obviously the alternate activities don't fully blunt the impact of trying to give up something like this, but having something to do besides sit and hate the pain/urges certain can help!  What really got me thinking about it was trying to drop a few pounds.  You can have healthy foods on hand, you can drink water instead of eating, and so on.  Even if I try to cut back drinking alcohol, I simply find a beverage I enjoy that is non alcoholic. 

So, what do we have?  I know some people have said exercise.  I don't doubt that it helps, but it hasn't done much for me.  Besides, if I have an urge at 11 p.m., I'm not going to jump on a tread mill to cool myself down.  Other than that, I'm a bit lost.  I don't expect anyone to come forth with any big easy answers, but hopefully a useful discussion can emerge.

Ideas?

 

[William]

Porn addiction is very, very interesting and exciting because it gives a dopamine rush, and a dopamine rush feels very, very interesting.  That boredom you feel is just an absence of the artificial high you get when you push the porn button.  A lot of guys ask, what else, other than porn, other than something harmful, can I do to get a dopamine high.  Unfortunately, once you quit porn addiction you give up that high and since seeking sex or food are the essential means to get a dopamine high, you give it up, forever. That said, reengaging with life, getting back involved with other people, finding interesting things to do, and there are many other than porn, will fill those hours.  Me?  I am still on the computer a lot.  I liked surfing before I quit, I still do.  I find a lot of things interesting.  I also like to adopt a tv series.  I do exercise, and I work, and I study, and I find that I do a lot more of something now that I am clean that I did not do before; I get in the ring with life, I throw a few punches, land a few punches, and take a few punches.  Find a challenge, then challenge yourself. 

Peace.

 

[doneatlast]

Those are good thoughts, William.  Perhaps it is just a matter of trying lots of things and staying busy.  Heck, even if something else feels like a bad habit (like playing video games, though I'd argue against it necessarily being a bad habit) it still is better than porning it up, isn't it?  Or, binge watching a whole TV series.  At least with that you got good exposure to a (presumably) well written tv show.

 

[jjhh]

Personally I think I was so hooked at porn because it was for me a way to flee normal social interaction, and also a way to find excitement in an easy and comfortable way.
So while I have been working out and stuff in order to fight the addiction, in my case finding more social activity, doing challenging and exciting things in real life and a finding a girlfriend to feel connected to were the big "alternate activities" to porn.

So I guess the best activity varies person to person somewhat. Fighting the root causes of addiction is the key IMO. It's not just about killing time, but changing your lifestyle too.

 

[biggs]

I understand your dilemma. It can be difficult to find ways to fill the time which used to be devoted to, if you're like me, hours upon hours of porn. But, hey, why not jump on a treadmill at 11pm if you have an urge? At least it's an option other than giving in or relapsing. Or go for a walk to clear your head. I know full well these are sometimes easier said than done, but there is an art and a discipline to substituting other things for your addiction and it takes considerable effort, both physically and mentally, to thwart those urges. Give yourself lots of options, that's the main thing. For myself, exercise has been great, yes, but there are times when hitting the gym just isn't convenient or I cannot find the energy. The most helpful tool for me, even more than exercise or an excellent television show, has been reading! I keep plenty of books and magazines around now. They have become my porn patches! Even the crossword puzzles in magazines have created a healthy distraction/substitution. Don't get me wrong, there have been times when I don't feel like doing a thing, but I force myself to pick up a book and, if anything, it at least helps me go to sleep if it's late at night.

Personally, I didn't want to substitute my porn use with something that required looking at a screen of some kind. Literature was a good option because I felt the need to be holding onto something in my hands... I wanted to reach for something concrete, in lieu of a computer and my you-know-what. Books also get me out of the house... to a cafe, a park, wherever... and there's another bonus:  I actually have more to talk about with people! I'm reading more than I have in ages, which I honestly value more than the increased amount of exercise I've been getting, simply because it really feels like I'm beginning to fill the holes left behind in my brain from porn (I call them porn-holes) with valuable information instead of useless garbage.

Again, give yourself options. Activities and social stuff is awesome, but like you said, at the end of the day when you're home alone late at night with that nagging urge, you need something simple and quick to reach for... something as simple as clicking your browser would be! If books aren't you're bag, try music, art, juggling, headstands, dancing like a lunatic, knitting, carving, learning a new language, playing an instrument or all of the above... whatever! Exhaust yourself with positive options... it's working for me. Good luck!