Help!

[henrychinaski]

My name is Matt. Not Henry. I don't know why I feel that's important. It's not I guess.

I am stuck in an endless cycle of relapses and I'm beginning to wonder what the fucking point of trying is. I had a nice long pornfree period of 87 days before I relapsed briefly. I then began another of around 23 days or so. During that period of time I got back together with my girlfriend and things have been going great. Met the parents. Feel connected to her. Sex is...so-so. I had definitely noticed a difference in ED-related issues during the early stages of our relationship.

I really don't know why I'm struggling so much. The thought enters the brain and boom, I'm gone. Immediately after: Shame.  I know that's how it's going to go and yet I still do it.

I can't remember how I got started the first time. So I'm going to pretend that long-ass streak doesn't exist.

I'm brand-new at this.

Where do I start? What am I doing wrong?

I'm scared I am going to lose my girl.

 

[Username]

Hey Matt, I can relate to your story. I used to have a comforting streak and then gradually let my guard down which was, of course, the wrong thing to do. Once the levee broke, relapses happened to me every two weeks or so. Sometimes even more often. I have been feeling weak and powerless during that period and basically questioned my motivation and also my relationship. Not to mention it showed in other parts of my life too.
Right now, I'm only on my 23th or so day of my current streak, but I feel more confident than ever before. And that came very naturally. To me, a change of scenery proved the right thing. But then again, that's not very helpful to others who face a different situation. What comes to my mind is a strategy. You might want to develop a strategy (exercising, moving your computer to a more public spot, installing blocking software, daily journal-writing and such) in order to implement some structure in your everyday life routine. Or, ask yourself: What did you do differently during your longest streak? Perhaps you'll find some advice in the answer to that question.

 

[fugu]

Hey man, I totally agree with Username. It's important to find out how and what made you so successful before and reapply it to this streak. You are obviously capable of quitting porn for good and everybody falls down. I think it's important to remember that 95% of the success stories on YBOP are from people who have relapsed and picked themselves up.

Sometimes, changes of scenery/habits are the best way initiate a successful reboot. Try starting working out or maybe trying a new routine! Also, the number one factor to successful rebooting without relapses (in my opinion) is confiding in a friend or two in real life. It can be a scary thing to do, but it's therapeutic and makes your problem real and apart of your life. Just the act of doing it will reestablish your commitment in your mind. It's very important, I attribute that to the majority of my success.

 

[henrychinaski]

Username and fugu

Thanks! I did resist just a few minutes ago so that's good.

I am on vacation this week so it's going to be a challenge, I think. I am planning to take the week to keep busy, write a bit, do some projects, and develop a plan.

One thing I did realize last night was that when I had my "streak" I was interacting a lot more with people on this forum and the others I am a part of.

A change of scenery and moving the computer aren't really options. I live alone and I just signed the lease.

Anyway, thanks a lot guys.

Also congrats on 23 days. Hopefully you're at 25 now, and if not, get back on the horse and try again.

 

[jkkk]

Hi there Henry,

I relate to your situation.

Have you read this thread? If not, do that. I suggest printing out. And marking interesting stuff. This pretty much an A to Z guide.

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

And post post post about how is it going and everything that troubles you.

In case of questions, do not hesitate to PM.