It seems true what they say, I must have been nurturing this problem for years but didn't realise i had it until about a month ago, when I lost my virginity, at 24.
I don't remember when I started M, but it must have been around 13. I discovered M by accident really and unfortunately through the medium of fantasization, not sensation like they talked about on YBOP; I was lying in bed and began fantasizing about things and rubbing my body up and down the mattress untill I came, I never thought anything of it then and have 'masturbated' in this way to fantasy ever since, I don't think I've ever had an O without some fantasy or visual stimuli.
My teen 'Proto-Relationships' weren't good, I got cheated on with girls I really liked and lost confidence with women after that. I'm actually a very social person (and without sounding arrogant I'm objectively not bad looking) but got into a defence cycle of pre-emptively rejecting girls early on, mainly to avoid the pain of rejection myself, as such I didn't loose my virginity until a month ago.
I started M with fantasy, but didn't get onto P for a fair few years after that, I must have been around 18. and began using it fairly regularly, but usually with a sort of binge-abstain pattern, and as they say my taste got increasingly extreme, mainly various flavours of femdom stuff. I would go through phases, up to a couple of weeks long, of heavy use or fantasization, sometimes 'Edging' at this point, then calm it down for a week or so. I do know the feeling when you think of a scene and just have to go home and M, but didn't think it a big deal, ironically though it meant I had an extra high sex drive...
Anyhow that's been my pattern for the last few years, But I met this girl I really liked and we started getting together, I always assumed my body would just know what to do when the time came, and dancing with her in a club produced a massive erection, but when we got into bed I had real trouble getting it up, I did with a lot of 'body rubbing' together, and was able to maintain it throughout sex, but I didn't O, and it wasn't the strongest erection I've ever had, and I felt pretty much no excitement, just confusion and worry there was something wrong with me, I faked the O as best I could at the appropriate time. I thought your first time it's supposed to go off early with excitement!
So I've been pretty worried about myself since then, until I found YBOP and related to it so heavily I figure a reboot may be my only hope of a normal sexual relationship, right now its day 3 of no PMO, but as I say I've gone short times without PMO before without trying, so won't consider it a milestone until the 14 day mark. trying to pull some positives around me, so here ar the advantages I like to think I hold;
- I found this answer as soon as I saw the problem, so I feel I'm on a positive track straight out.
- I can go periods without needing P, and (sometimes, not always) have been able to resist the urge to M to it, so hopefully I'm not too heavily addicted, its more the PIED that's my worry.
- I was able to get it up and penetrate the girl I met with physical sensation, even if I wasn't very aroused, so I hopefully have retained a degree of penis sensitivity on which to build.
The main points that worry me are;
- Since I've really never M without fantasy, it could be a long time before I can O to sensation alone.
- I'm obviously very inexperienced with real women, and probably won't last with this girl I met now, and I feel interaction with real women will be a major aspect of my personal recovery.
- M has become a response to stress, sadness, frustration and boredom for me, this emotional mapping is going to have to be rewritten as well.
I'll try to keep updated as to how I'm doing, and I'd appreciate any specific tips or pointers anyone can give me for my personal situation at this point, so do share your secrets please!
I don't remember when I started M, but it must have been around 13. I discovered M by accident really and unfortunately through the medium of fantasization, not sensation like they talked about on YBOP; I was lying in bed and began fantasizing about things and rubbing my body up and down the mattress untill I came, I never thought anything of it then and have 'masturbated' in this way to fantasy ever since, I don't think I've ever had an O without some fantasy or visual stimuli.
My teen 'Proto-Relationships' weren't good, I got cheated on with girls I really liked and lost confidence with women after that. I'm actually a very social person (and without sounding arrogant I'm objectively not bad looking) but got into a defence cycle of pre-emptively rejecting girls early on, mainly to avoid the pain of rejection myself, as such I didn't loose my virginity until a month ago.
I started M with fantasy, but didn't get onto P for a fair few years after that, I must have been around 18. and began using it fairly regularly, but usually with a sort of binge-abstain pattern, and as they say my taste got increasingly extreme, mainly various flavours of femdom stuff. I would go through phases, up to a couple of weeks long, of heavy use or fantasization, sometimes 'Edging' at this point, then calm it down for a week or so. I do know the feeling when you think of a scene and just have to go home and M, but didn't think it a big deal, ironically though it meant I had an extra high sex drive...
Anyhow that's been my pattern for the last few years, But I met this girl I really liked and we started getting together, I always assumed my body would just know what to do when the time came, and dancing with her in a club produced a massive erection, but when we got into bed I had real trouble getting it up, I did with a lot of 'body rubbing' together, and was able to maintain it throughout sex, but I didn't O, and it wasn't the strongest erection I've ever had, and I felt pretty much no excitement, just confusion and worry there was something wrong with me, I faked the O as best I could at the appropriate time. I thought your first time it's supposed to go off early with excitement!
So I've been pretty worried about myself since then, until I found YBOP and related to it so heavily I figure a reboot may be my only hope of a normal sexual relationship, right now its day 3 of no PMO, but as I say I've gone short times without PMO before without trying, so won't consider it a milestone until the 14 day mark. trying to pull some positives around me, so here ar the advantages I like to think I hold;
- I found this answer as soon as I saw the problem, so I feel I'm on a positive track straight out.
- I can go periods without needing P, and (sometimes, not always) have been able to resist the urge to M to it, so hopefully I'm not too heavily addicted, its more the PIED that's my worry.
- I was able to get it up and penetrate the girl I met with physical sensation, even if I wasn't very aroused, so I hopefully have retained a degree of penis sensitivity on which to build.
The main points that worry me are;
- Since I've really never M without fantasy, it could be a long time before I can O to sensation alone.
- I'm obviously very inexperienced with real women, and probably won't last with this girl I met now, and I feel interaction with real women will be a major aspect of my personal recovery.
- M has become a response to stress, sadness, frustration and boredom for me, this emotional mapping is going to have to be rewritten as well.
I'll try to keep updated as to how I'm doing, and I'd appreciate any specific tips or pointers anyone can give me for my personal situation at this point, so do share your secrets please!
