1000 mile journeys begins with 1 step

[Homerdough]

As a 27 yr old, who’s had sex with multiple women, never have I ever ejaculated from penetrative intercourse. I can count on one hand the amount of times I ejaculated from oral and I believe this is called Delayed Ejaculation (DE)

I strongly believe that the cause of this is due to my death grip from 15 yrs of basically daily masturbation and I’ve been “trying” to quit porn/PMO for about 8 yrs now. My longest streak was 40 days

in my experience, when I go more than 2 days or so without ejaculating or even looking for anything sexual, my penis feels utterly amazing to touch, which obviously makes me want to jerk off. So that’s a decent cue/external motivation to reach for 2-5 days of no pmo

and on my longest streaks, I’ve noticed that i had somebody else doing it with me (No Nut November to be exact). I didn’t nut for that month but I was on an absolute tear of sexting anybody I can, which led to massive amounts of edging (I know, basically worse than just pmoing )

Recently within the past 2 yrs, I’ve been going on sex chat sites and essentially “edging” for 2+ hrs sometimes by trying to sext with the “pink” users on the site (which were supposed to be female but in reality are likely 99% of the time guys). The pink name makes it easy to subvert that if they’re lying and talking about female body parts or whatever

Anyway, realizing that having accountability and not relying solely on willpower is crucial to kicking this addiction, I’m starting this journal so I can finally have sex with a woman and finish from penetrative sex. Let’s say it’ll be my 2022 resolution

My plan going forward is to bookmark this site, and visit it whenever I have an urge (which I’ve realized is definitely around when I go to sleep, looking at my phone). Honestly, it might be a bad idea to use my phone because I’m 100% a mobile jerker so a good environmental system cue to make it “harder” to jerk off is to put my phone in the drawer at 11pm before I start to wind down

Frequenting dating apps is a common trigger for me, but at the same time, has been the best way for me to meet women so to circumvent this, I should really not be using these apps before I sleep and after I wake.

Day 1 begins as of 9am (my trigger was scrolling dating apps in my bed in my boxers) and let’s see if this forum stuff helps

 

[Fappy]

Welcome‼ so youre trigger is obviously your phone then. social media and dating sites are a landmine for anyone wanting to quit, youd do well to comepletly remove yourself from them.
keep updating your journal here on the forum, it helps alot. perhaps not just come here when you get an urge but make a habit ofo checking in everyday around the same time to update your progress, even if there isnt really anything to report.

 

[forestwater]

Good luck! If you haven't already, I would recommend reading Easy Peasy. It will help you see that you don't even need willpower to beat this; all you need is common sense. That makes all this stuff way easier!

 

[Homerdough]

Just pmoed earlier today. Was reading that Easy Peasy pdf and it said that I don’t have to “force” myself to not PMO

I didn’t really use that as an excuse but I did use it as an excuse to not fight the urge I got when I was on my phone on my bed doing other stuff. I generally don’t feel that “icky”/disgraced after pmoing since I felt like it felt really really good (tends to happen after a day of not doing it)

Plan is to continue reading that pdf (where I’m guessing after reading, logically it’ll just make sense to not PMO anymore? Idk) and don’t PMO again before I go to sleep (I’ll play piano or something to replace the urge)

 

[Homerdough]

Just pmoed earlier today. Was reading that Easy Peasy pdf and it said that I don’t have to “force” myself to not PMO

I didn’t really use that as an excuse but I did use it as an excuse to not fight the urge I got when I was on my phone on my bed doing other stuff. I generally don’t feel that “icky”/disgraced after pmoing since I felt like it felt really really good (tends to happen after a day of not doing it)

Plan is to continue reading that pdf (where I’m guessing after reading, logically it’ll just make sense to not PMO anymore? Idk) and don’t PMO again before I go to sleep (I’ll play piano or something to replace the urge)

Well just did it again tonight. Gotta get off the phone tbh. Just too triggering at night. Change up the nighttime routine

 

[dopaminer]

I've got very similar triggers with my phone. One thing I'm trying (although I don't know how well it will work) is to try to avoid having my phone on my bed ever, if at all possible. I've even started placing my phone a short distance from the bed with my morning wake-up alarms set - because I'm most "vulnerable" to PMO in the morning and just before bed. Might be worth a shot? YMMV

 

[nodders94]

Dude, I feel you. The phone is one of the hardest things because of its convenience. Opposite of you, I was/ am a morning person. But the phone is right there is hard. I too and choosing to visit here when I am feeling an urge to PMO. But its hard. I am only on day 2, and this day 2 is harder than quitting smoking day 2. If I could do anything, id set an alarm super loud, plug your phone in somewhere besides the night stand or side table (think kitchen, living room). That way, you are forced to get out of bed to turn of your alarm, or if youre lazy like me and yell "hey siri" to shut it off, at least the phone isn't right beside you. Good luck.

 

[Homerdough]

Well I got through a night but yesterday night, my urges were wild and I gave in

I read through Easy Peasy and I feel like it broke down a couple barriers but one large barrier is the strong belief that PMO is inherently pleasurable for me (at least during). I know the argument against it is akin to wearing really tight shoes on purpose just to reach the moment where you take them off and it’s pure elation but when my little monster is telling me “you know you want to. It’ll feel so good” I can’t really argue against that. It WILL feel good and I know it, so I then dive in.

I tried telling myself “nah, this is withdrawal pangs. This urge/uncomfortable feeling is just your little monster dying.” But my argument for that is “sure. Withdrawal pangs will die off in about 5 days or so. But my brainwashing monster is still gonna say “hey you’re sick with the flu? Don’t wanna feel like this? Have a massive amount of dopamine on the PMO slide” and it’ll be too damn tempting

Am I missing something with Easy Peasy? While reading, sometimes I don’t agree so I feel like my rationalization is strong or something

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I know what you are talking about as I have the same problem: The obsession with the pleasure. You see, I know that probably on long term I use porn as a form of bad coping skill but the immediate, main reason why I do it is pleasure. How do we deal with the craving for pleasure? This is a tricky question. What has been helping me in this half of month without porn is looking at the end result: A short period of pleasure followed by craving more pleasure which is never enough and feeling depressed. I think the battle is to get into the right mindset and understand that this pleasure is hollow, it's never enough and it keeps us addicted.

Like you, I've read Easy Peasy method. It's not really a method per se, I remember someone reading the book and then writing (but I forgot what website this was): "Okay, but where is the method?" I understand the question because that book is not a list of steps to follow, it's not a plan to implement. A main focus of the book is what they call "brainwashing". It tries to create a process of "de-brainwashing", porn has brainwashed us into thinking it is something important in our lives and the book tries to make us understand that porn has absolutely no benefits and we don't need it for anything. But, I get it, for some people it might not be this big help, it didn't completely help me either, I can't say that I've read Easy Peasy and this is what has contributed to my current progress this year. But it's a part of it, nevertheless, as it's Rational Recovery, Your Brain on Porn, other posts on this forum, other forums, videos etc. it's a library of information, plans, advice, tips etc. that ultimately should form my method. Some people might read Easy Peasy and it's all they need, other might need more and Easy Peasy being a small part in everything, I don't know. In my case, I believe that a combination of information, habits and life changes is what I might need. Habits as in: Something to use to get me through the urges, through those moments when I could relapse any second. Life changes as in: heal the past trauma, learn coping skills, find purpose in life, find things to fill my time with etc. I don't think I can beat this completely without a full package. Yes, pushing myself through the storm and getting a long streak is possible for me, but it will be just that: A long streak, but I would ultimately spiral back to porn, living the same life without improvement.

I've had a few tough days so far in my 15 days streak. How I survived? Trying not to fantasize about porn, trying to ignore the porn images from my head by thinking of something else, focusing on something else and breathing deep. This has been so far something that has helped me in the moment. Repeated each time, without thinking how many times I had to use it already, without thinking how many times I will have to use it in the future, should help me a lot. That's for the immediate urges. Now the craving for pleasure is something else. I like to diferentiate between the craving for the pleasure of porn and the urges. Some people might disagree with me here but I have my reasons to keep them separately. To me, the craving is a long term suffering, the urges are a momentary attack. I can let the urges go away, I've done this many times, the craving for the pleasure of porn is another beast, it's a mentality I guess. I probably need to change my mentality about wanting this pleasure or something, I don't know. Anyway, look for the truth, man, never give up in trying to find your truth.

 

[Homerdough]

Ugh been in a major “binge” the last couple days. Had a date Saturday that ended early and I drank a lot. When I’m hungover I tend to do it like 4-5 times to ease the pain of the hangover

Just relapsed 5 mins ago after feeling shitty from not getting attention from women lately (my mojo has been gone a little while).

As far as plans go, seeing as how doing the same thing hoping for a different outcome is the definition of insanity, I gotta switch something up. Anyone got any ideas? Been thinking of doing a Digital Declutter for 30 days to try to help the dopamine receptors heal a bit from my phone

 

[Homerdough]

Update- Currently been porn free for 5 days now. My longest such time in at least a couple months. I think what helped this current streak is a core value I instilled in myself using logic

I was on a walk and I audibly talked out loud to myself (helps me feel good and I’m wearing a mask, so idc if people hear me or whatever). Basically, I was telling myself “yes consuming porn to reach orgasm feels good BUT you have gone 35 days before and easily had the best sex of your life then. So just like how you’re good at saving money for future you, just save your orgasms for future you!” That realization or acceptance that yes porn feels good in the moment but even better than that, is sharing an orgasm with someone else is a better reward has helped ward off plenty of urges the past couple days.
Somewhat related I guess but I had sex yesterday with a fwb I hadn’t spoken to in a couple months, however I didn’t orgasm. Not because I didn’t want to but it just wasn’t happening. She enjoyed herself a lot though and I’m fine with that. I never really have a problem with performing but finishing is usually the issue so I’m hoping when I stay porn free for a couple more days/weeks, that this situation of not finishing will resolve itsef

 

[dopaminer]

I was on a walk and I audibly talked out loud to myself (helps me feel good and I’m wearing a mask, so idc if people hear me or whatever). Basically, I was telling myself “yes consuming porn to reach orgasm feels good BUT you have gone 35 days before and easily had the best sex of your life then. So just like how you’re good at saving money for future you, just save your orgasms for future you!” That realization or acceptance that yes porn feels good in the moment but even better than that, is sharing an orgasm with someone else is a better reward has helped ward off plenty of urges the past couple days.

This is such a great way to think about it, and comparing it to saving money also almost makes it feel easier. It's like, hey - I can do this other slightly painful thing of sacrificing a bit of my hard-earned cash every month, but I know it'll be great it the future when I can buy a stereo or a car or a new phone or computer. Treating PMO the same way, and thinking - I can avoid PMO for a few weeks and then have an awesome O with someone else and it'll be so much better and more fulfilling. Hopefully sticking with that mindset helps you out, I think it'll definitely help me! And great job on the 5 day streak, you're almost at a full week!

 

[Homerdough]

This is such a great way to think about it, and comparing it to saving money also almost makes it feel easier. It's like, hey - I can do this other slightly painful thing of sacrificing a bit of my hard-earned cash every month, but I know it'll be great it the future when I can buy a stereo or a car or a new phone or computer. Treating PMO the same way, and thinking - I can avoid PMO for a few weeks and then have an awesome O with someone else and it'll be so much better and more fulfilling. Hopefully sticking with that mindset helps you out, I think it'll definitely help me! And great job on the 5 day streak, you're almost at a full week!

Ugh but then yesterday hit. I just had a massive urge and I relapsed
My thought process during the urge was “ugh, why the hell is this so strong? I don’t want to spend this much willpower every 3-5 days for the rest of my life just to NOT do something. Lemme just ****ing do it so I don’t have to feel this massive urge anymore”

It was essentially the acceptance that I want to kick this addiction for life, not just 30/60/90 days or whatever. And if there are these urges that are so massively strong that come every now and then, I don’t want to have to feel like shit fighting them all the time
How do people get through this? I’m guessing the “massive urges” get a lot weaker as time goes on but they’re always there aren’t they? Reading through Easy Peasy, it seems like the Willpower Method is doomed because it’s a finite resource and one can only hold out on doing something they want to do for so long.
I feel like I have to somehow convince myself that PMO is NOT inherently pleasurable, although idk how to do that if an orgasm is literally the largest natural dopamine spike humans can do

 

[Homerdough]

Been PMO-free for about a week now. The change I made this time was repeating affirmations throughout the day or when I get hard urges.
Mine is basically “I can quit porn and I will”
I don’t really think people are “built different” or anything like that so I don’t see why thousands upon thousands of people have successfully quit porn and I can’t, so I just consciously remind myself “why not me too? What makes them so special?” The info I’ve gained from easy Peasy has been helping me understand my urges better as well because I said “PMO” free but not porn free, because well, I’m going to consider random Snapchat stories that advertise premium accounts as porn
It’s a byproduct of searching for hookups online I guess but I’m just going to cut off Snapchat and instagram as potential avenues for that since 1. It’s NEVER worked for me and 2. They lead to an assload of nsfw content that’s def been giving me dopamine jolts here and there

I’m not gonna beat myself up over seeing sexy women pictures online because it’s everywhere. In commercials, tinder profiles, movies, tv. Wherever. If I’m compulsively doing it to get the dopamine hit, which I know I have been sometimes, it’s just something to curb because it’s feeding the little monster and keeping the brainwashing alive. I get it. But online dating is def the most consistent/easiest avenue to meet people and I’m not going to give that up to avoid seeing the occasional hottie in a bikini. I have enough self restraint to not falter from that and even so, I’m just gonna keep remembering and repeating my mantra. “I can quit porn and I will”

 

[MarshDweller05]

Been PMO-free for about a week now. The change I made this time was repeating affirmations throughout the day or when I get hard urges.
Mine is basically “I can quit porn and I will”
I don’t really think people are “built different” or anything like that so I don’t see why thousands upon thousands of people have successfully quit porn and I can’t, so I just consciously remind myself “why not me too? What makes them so special?” The info I’ve gained from easy Peasy has been helping me understand my urges better as well because I said “PMO” free but not porn free, because well, I’m going to consider random Snapchat stories that advertise premium accounts as porn
It’s a byproduct of searching for hookups online I guess but I’m just going to cut off Snapchat and instagram as potential avenues for that since 1. It’s NEVER worked for me and 2. They lead to an assload of nsfw content that’s def been giving me dopamine jolts here and there

I’m not gonna beat myself up over seeing sexy women pictures online because it’s everywhere. In commercials, tinder profiles, movies, tv. Wherever. If I’m compulsively doing it to get the dopamine hit, which I know I have been sometimes, it’s just something to curb because it’s feeding the little monster and keeping the brainwashing alive. I get it. But online dating is def the most consistent/easiest avenue to meet people and I’m not going to give that up to avoid seeing the occasional hottie in a bikini. I have enough self restraint to not falter from that and even so, I’m just gonna keep remembering and repeating my mantra. “I can quit porn and I will”

I know the feeling - its like - can I really quit this?? I can see my brain wanting it like every 10-15min which is crazy that I I am addicted that much.

On the other hand lately I have started to realize how twisted porn and hyper sexuality are. The world is not meant for this and my brain and self are not meant for this. Keep going - even though I want to relapse I am going to keep fighting, Ive got nothing to lose, Ive already watched enough porn and orgasmed for a lifetime haha

 

[Homerdough]

I’ve been in the throes of a 10 day binge or so. I got sick for about a week and as someone who does it 4-5x a day just to “feel numb”, I knew I had my work cut out for me. I didn’t PMO for the first two days but then I succumbed and since last Wednesday (so 8 days I guess) I’ve been binging (which for me is just everyday 1-2x, not fighting urges whatsoever).

I did finally heal enough from my illness to hit the gym yesterday which was good but that’s only a good habit and has nothing to do with stopping urges (personally).
I guess I have to remember that the “withdrawal” I have from PMO Is CAUSED by PMO. Because the first two days of my sickness, I was easily able to do it but I just didn’t feel like it. There weren’t any urges. But when I finally did it, the whole chaser effect hit me and urges hit me like trucks again. So I have to repeat my mantra over and over.
I’ve only been saying it like once every 2 days when I “feel” like an urge is coming but that isn’t enough. Get some momentum going so I can quit this PMO for good. I know getting sick was a difficult roadblock that halted momentum, but remember man; you can practice piano, watch anime, READ. Any of those things instead of PMOing. Recently just got Horizon Forbidden west and now Elden Ring(!!!) so gaming is going to be on the table for the next month or so daily I bet. And I got no probs with that. Just remember that you DONT have to act on your urges man. Just 10 mins ago I tapped because I was “turned on” by my armor lol. Deep breaths, awareness, and always remember “I can quit porn, and I will”

 

[Homerdough]

I’ve been binging hard for months now but I had sex about 3 days ago and for the first time couldn’t stay hard, so that was a bit of a wake up call to desensitize my mind from this shit

I’ve been using the past 3 days and just an hr ago as well but I felt the need to post here to try to get myself in the right mindset to quit using. When I read that Easy Peasy book a couple months ago, one thing that stuck out was that there are two steps to get over: one being to reeliminate the brainwashing whenever it comes back and to remember that your “urges” are literally there because you’ve been using. It’s like a food that satiates you for 10 secs but then makes you hungry again in 10 mins. There’s no utility in that and the “boredom” it relieves is a fallacy.

I’m just ranting at this point about stuff I know about already but just typing it out helps a bit. I won’t use before I go to sleep today because I’m telling myself I won’t and I don’t want to. I see affirmations worked for a time before in my journal so I’ll reintroduce them so I can become more mindful of my urges (which definitely spring from hot women on dating apps tbh) but the only solution to that is to either find a gf to not use the apps anymore or don’t use the apps at all and try attracting strangers in person, which is infinitely harder. So I’ll stick with limiting the apps to a schedule. Turning off all notifs and if I catch myself scrolling through them on autopilot, to DO SOMETHING ELSE. And the key is to do something I WANT to do. Not just 10 push-ups because I “should”