:-[
[pre]Hi everyone, my name is Dan.
I'm 48 years old.
I have been battling the PMO for 40 years now, in and out of victory..... cannot say how many times I have been on the brink of suicide! It all started with being sexually abused by a family member at age 7 for a number of years and then at about aged 12 I saw my first hard core porn mag, and this has been a major since..... I also had two older brothers who were circumcised, fortunately I escaped the scalpel... however my brothers continually from an early age put pressure on me to look like them...... so they would tell me to roll my foreskin back and try keep it there. This obviously created a sense of inadequacy and caused me to reject my manliness.... this is how God made me so I am happy about that... it has affected me in such a way..... that my choice of Porn has been compounded...... where I would be mesmerized by the sight of a mans foreskin, and its workings while masturbating orgasm and penetration..... all the while comparing myself....... I knew that its the way I was born and made a decision that no scalpel would come near me........ but my curiosity funny enough was not in my comparison with the circumcised penis, but rather the uncircumcised penis.... strange I know! So that has been my choice of infatuation...., although I do not consider myself gay, but its a hounding fantasy to be able to experience the touch and working of another males foreskin.... like I see on my Porn pics and movies.. I have compounded issues such as ADHD, for which I take strong meds and this compounds the problem of impulsivity....... I cannot help myself or say no, because that part of my brain that should be able to say no and put on breaks, just does not function the way some else's brain would who has no ADHD. I am well aware that this is no excuse for bad behaviour however its a reality for people who have ADHD. I am now on a medication for epilepsy although I do not have epilepsy..... but this meds helps to curb the impulsive behaviours of not thinking before acting....... or having a anger episode etc. I am yet to see if it will work.... and hopefully it will so I can begin to create new healthy path ways in my brain of responding to life's daily situation.
The only draw back with this new meds (Tegretol) is that it can cause weight gain, which I am highly opposed to. However my Psychiatrist said that if I eat a healthy diet lifestyle and exercise vigorously everyday, which is very beneficial for ADHD struggles, then I will not put on weight.
This has been an issue in my life especially over this last year....... I have lacked the motivation to do exercise, cycle, weight, skipping etc... and the result being, I have put on weight which makes me feel less than a man..... therefore I have been besotted with visuals of male manliness and foreskin and SIX PACKS etc..... cause I do not look the part and therefore do not feel the part.... which has caused my sex life with my wife to be non existent.
So today is the beginning of my journey to get the body I once had and always wanted.... I woke up at 5am this morning and went to my home gym, which I set up last night, and between throwing the ball for my dog JJ to fetch and doing reps with weight, abbs, and skipping, I completed my first day of my new life.
The program I'm using works in 4 week periods, so for 4 weeks I do the beginner programme, and the next 4 weeks a little advanced until I have completed 12 weeks and then 4 weeks of an intense programme and after that I enter the maintenance programme.
This is a huge thing for me, because ADHD struggler, or rather ADHD fighters struggle with being consistent..... so one day at a time I know....... but I must keep my eye on the goal..... I want to look good and hopefully in the process my infatuation with male manliness will diminish, because I will be the epitome of the manliness that I am and comparing will not be an option.
Dan
[pre]Hi everyone, my name is Dan.
I'm 48 years old.
I have been battling the PMO for 40 years now, in and out of victory..... cannot say how many times I have been on the brink of suicide! It all started with being sexually abused by a family member at age 7 for a number of years and then at about aged 12 I saw my first hard core porn mag, and this has been a major since..... I also had two older brothers who were circumcised, fortunately I escaped the scalpel... however my brothers continually from an early age put pressure on me to look like them...... so they would tell me to roll my foreskin back and try keep it there. This obviously created a sense of inadequacy and caused me to reject my manliness.... this is how God made me so I am happy about that... it has affected me in such a way..... that my choice of Porn has been compounded...... where I would be mesmerized by the sight of a mans foreskin, and its workings while masturbating orgasm and penetration..... all the while comparing myself....... I knew that its the way I was born and made a decision that no scalpel would come near me........ but my curiosity funny enough was not in my comparison with the circumcised penis, but rather the uncircumcised penis.... strange I know! So that has been my choice of infatuation...., although I do not consider myself gay, but its a hounding fantasy to be able to experience the touch and working of another males foreskin.... like I see on my Porn pics and movies.. I have compounded issues such as ADHD, for which I take strong meds and this compounds the problem of impulsivity....... I cannot help myself or say no, because that part of my brain that should be able to say no and put on breaks, just does not function the way some else's brain would who has no ADHD. I am well aware that this is no excuse for bad behaviour however its a reality for people who have ADHD. I am now on a medication for epilepsy although I do not have epilepsy..... but this meds helps to curb the impulsive behaviours of not thinking before acting....... or having a anger episode etc. I am yet to see if it will work.... and hopefully it will so I can begin to create new healthy path ways in my brain of responding to life's daily situation.
The only draw back with this new meds (Tegretol) is that it can cause weight gain, which I am highly opposed to. However my Psychiatrist said that if I eat a healthy diet lifestyle and exercise vigorously everyday, which is very beneficial for ADHD struggles, then I will not put on weight.
This has been an issue in my life especially over this last year....... I have lacked the motivation to do exercise, cycle, weight, skipping etc... and the result being, I have put on weight which makes me feel less than a man..... therefore I have been besotted with visuals of male manliness and foreskin and SIX PACKS etc..... cause I do not look the part and therefore do not feel the part.... which has caused my sex life with my wife to be non existent.
So today is the beginning of my journey to get the body I once had and always wanted.... I woke up at 5am this morning and went to my home gym, which I set up last night, and between throwing the ball for my dog JJ to fetch and doing reps with weight, abbs, and skipping, I completed my first day of my new life.
The program I'm using works in 4 week periods, so for 4 weeks I do the beginner programme, and the next 4 weeks a little advanced until I have completed 12 weeks and then 4 weeks of an intense programme and after that I enter the maintenance programme.
This is a huge thing for me, because ADHD struggler, or rather ADHD fighters struggle with being consistent..... so one day at a time I know....... but I must keep my eye on the goal..... I want to look good and hopefully in the process my infatuation with male manliness will diminish, because I will be the epitome of the manliness that I am and comparing will not be an option.
Dan
