rainman001
New Member
hi everyone,
I Wanted to share this story with you in hopes that it might help educate people to how truly hard dealing with e.d can be for some of us. i have been living with it since i was a teenager and i am now 33. it has been the hardest struggle i have ever dealt with and i know now, thanks to this community that i am not alone in my struggle, it brings me comfort knowing that i am not alone, but it also brings alot of sorrow knowing that alot of you have had to suffer as i have. i am sorry brothers that you have had to suffer through this, i would not wish this affliction upon anyone and i wish that none of us would have had to go through such a thing. that being said, i would like to quickly go over my stats then i would like to tell you about my "penis surgery".
-started m at a very young age to porn mags at about 8
-think i was about 10 or 11 when i discovered video porn
-started internet porn around 11 or 13
-first attempt at sex at 15 (COMPLETELY LIMP)
-regular pmo throughout my teens and 20's and into my early 30's
like all of you, when i was having all of these problems with e.d, i would try and search for answers constantly. i was told by doctors it was anxiety, others docs say hormonal, others say blood flow, others psychological and so one. they all pretty much agreed with one thing through, masturbation is normal and is nothing to be concerned about. because of this mindset, i kept at pmo not realizing the harm i continued to inflict on my self. i tried fighting the e.d but didnt know what one of the many causes i was actually fighting. over the years i have tried countless "cures" from supplements to so called "miracle pills", acupuncture, test boosters (booth prescription and over the counter), Nothing worked. so many failed attempts at curing myself and i would get no where. i was hopeless and desperate and would do anything to overcome my e.d
one day a couple years ago, a tv program came on called "strange sex". it was about a guy (dylan) who had problems with e.d throughout his teens, naturally this sparked my attention because of my own struggles with e.d, so i watched. dylan had contacted a doc in san diego (dr. Irwin Goldstein) dr. Goldstein is a urologist, one of the best in the business and has many impressive achievements. dr Goldstein ran several tests on dylan and determined that he was suffering from lack of blood flow to his penis, the solution was a surgery known as "penile revascularization" it is a surgery that reroutes the blood flow from 1 artery to another to the penis, it is supposed to increase the flow of blood in patients who are suffering from blood flow problems.
after watching this program i became hopeful and wanted to contact dr Goldstein as early as possible and i did. i made an appointment to fly out to san diego to meet with the doctor, he preformed several tests on me, he determined that i too had a lack of blood flow to my penis. he told me that i will have to get the surgery done. now when you have a medical professional telling you that they have determined what the problem is after so many others have only speculated, then you start to feel pretty great like you have finally found the answers you have been searching for. i was more then happy, i finally knew what was wrong with me, he even emphasized this point that "now i know", he talked about how great it must feel knowing that you finally have answers, i was feeling great and i couldnt wait to fork out the 25,000.00 dollars for the surgery (dont have insurance and they wouldnt have covered it even if i did, i make good money, yes this is a large amount of money, but i would give up everything i own to be rid of this problem so it was reasonable to me at the time).
to give you a better idea of what the surgery is, there is an incision made in your abdomen and another in your testicles, both of them are made to reroute blood flow to different arteries and bypass the original arteries going to your penis. it is not a fast little procedure, it is a full medical team preforming surgery on you for over 6 hours while you are under anesthetics.
the surgery went great, i was sent back home about a week later. Dr Goldstein told me that it could take over 6 months to a year for the surgery to be physically noticed. i noticed pretty quickly that something felt wrong. i started to notice that even though i could get an erection (mostly only with porn) it was gone the instant i would stop stimulation, not only that but the base of my penis felt numb, like i have lost sensation around the base, it wasnt as responsive to stimulation and i cant feel parts of it.
i started to really worry, what was supposed to heal me from my affliction is now making it worse. i flew out to san diego and saw Dr G. again, they put me through a bunch of tests and the tests involve testing the sensitivity of the penis with hot/cold temperatures and with vibration feeling. they showed that i was definitely less sensitive now. Dr Goldstein also said to me "im changing your diagnosis to a hormonal imbalance" i was so damn mad!!! this man just put me through all of this surgical b.s, reassured me that my e.d was due to a lack of blood flow in so much that he convinced me to have surgery, now he decided to change his mind to "a hormonal imbalance"!!!
i was devastated, i left with so much sadness and depression. not only did it not work but it made it worse. this has proven to be one of the worst decisions in my life, i wish that i could take it back, i wish i had never seen that tv program and that i had never heard of that doctor, i wish that i had heard of NOFAP before this mistake.
i found out about nofap about a year ago. now even though i felt defeated (as we all have throughout this journey) i also felt depressed and suicidal, i still feel like there is hope though. i have read so many great stories from so many strong people that i decided that i need to give NOFAP a try and i so i did.
in my first streak that lasted about 45 days, i noticed morning wood a couple times, i noticed erections in the showers a couple times and i also noticed that a couple times while making out with my girlfriend (ex now) that i was getting hard just by kissing her. that hadnt happened since i was a teenager. i ended up relapsing and sinking into a very deep depression, even though i had a few good signs, they were few and far in between. i just went my longest streak, it was over 60 days and then i hit a very deep depression and relapsed again. during the 60 day streak, i noticed that when i was testing my erections with out porn(which i dont recommend testing cuz for me it leads to edging and relapsing) that my dick was staying much harder then usually would, like if i had a girl there at the time then i could possibly have even had successful sex. but its like a roller coaster, like it would be good at times and horrible at other times. i relapsed after my 60 day streak, i was very disappointed and hard on myself about it. i know i can do better.
i still do not have as good of feeling in dick because of that surgery, even though i have had a couple of good things happen, they have not happened as much as i would hope. i am scared to hell that the surgery has ruined my chances of overcoming E.D, im trying to stay hopeful about it though. i know that some of you have had to have questioned it yourself, that maybe your problem is not from fapping and that it is hormonal or that it is a physical problem like not enough blood getting to your dick, i am telling u from having to learn the hard way that something like what i did was unnatural and was not what i should have done, porn is not natural and constant masturbation is not natural, i believe that NO PMO is the only real natural thing left for me to do, i believe that i need to give my body, mind and spirit time to heal and i will continue to put my faith and trust in God and in the natural healing process, it is difficult but others have overcome much harder obstacles.
this story is something that is very secretive and private in my life as i am very ashamed of what happened and very embarrassed of the surgery, it is not something that i like to talk about, however, i hope that maybe it will help somebody out there. i wish you all the best of luck brothers, thank you for taking the time to read this.
I Wanted to share this story with you in hopes that it might help educate people to how truly hard dealing with e.d can be for some of us. i have been living with it since i was a teenager and i am now 33. it has been the hardest struggle i have ever dealt with and i know now, thanks to this community that i am not alone in my struggle, it brings me comfort knowing that i am not alone, but it also brings alot of sorrow knowing that alot of you have had to suffer as i have. i am sorry brothers that you have had to suffer through this, i would not wish this affliction upon anyone and i wish that none of us would have had to go through such a thing. that being said, i would like to quickly go over my stats then i would like to tell you about my "penis surgery".
-started m at a very young age to porn mags at about 8
-think i was about 10 or 11 when i discovered video porn
-started internet porn around 11 or 13
-first attempt at sex at 15 (COMPLETELY LIMP)
-regular pmo throughout my teens and 20's and into my early 30's
like all of you, when i was having all of these problems with e.d, i would try and search for answers constantly. i was told by doctors it was anxiety, others docs say hormonal, others say blood flow, others psychological and so one. they all pretty much agreed with one thing through, masturbation is normal and is nothing to be concerned about. because of this mindset, i kept at pmo not realizing the harm i continued to inflict on my self. i tried fighting the e.d but didnt know what one of the many causes i was actually fighting. over the years i have tried countless "cures" from supplements to so called "miracle pills", acupuncture, test boosters (booth prescription and over the counter), Nothing worked. so many failed attempts at curing myself and i would get no where. i was hopeless and desperate and would do anything to overcome my e.d
one day a couple years ago, a tv program came on called "strange sex". it was about a guy (dylan) who had problems with e.d throughout his teens, naturally this sparked my attention because of my own struggles with e.d, so i watched. dylan had contacted a doc in san diego (dr. Irwin Goldstein) dr. Goldstein is a urologist, one of the best in the business and has many impressive achievements. dr Goldstein ran several tests on dylan and determined that he was suffering from lack of blood flow to his penis, the solution was a surgery known as "penile revascularization" it is a surgery that reroutes the blood flow from 1 artery to another to the penis, it is supposed to increase the flow of blood in patients who are suffering from blood flow problems.
after watching this program i became hopeful and wanted to contact dr Goldstein as early as possible and i did. i made an appointment to fly out to san diego to meet with the doctor, he preformed several tests on me, he determined that i too had a lack of blood flow to my penis. he told me that i will have to get the surgery done. now when you have a medical professional telling you that they have determined what the problem is after so many others have only speculated, then you start to feel pretty great like you have finally found the answers you have been searching for. i was more then happy, i finally knew what was wrong with me, he even emphasized this point that "now i know", he talked about how great it must feel knowing that you finally have answers, i was feeling great and i couldnt wait to fork out the 25,000.00 dollars for the surgery (dont have insurance and they wouldnt have covered it even if i did, i make good money, yes this is a large amount of money, but i would give up everything i own to be rid of this problem so it was reasonable to me at the time).
to give you a better idea of what the surgery is, there is an incision made in your abdomen and another in your testicles, both of them are made to reroute blood flow to different arteries and bypass the original arteries going to your penis. it is not a fast little procedure, it is a full medical team preforming surgery on you for over 6 hours while you are under anesthetics.
the surgery went great, i was sent back home about a week later. Dr Goldstein told me that it could take over 6 months to a year for the surgery to be physically noticed. i noticed pretty quickly that something felt wrong. i started to notice that even though i could get an erection (mostly only with porn) it was gone the instant i would stop stimulation, not only that but the base of my penis felt numb, like i have lost sensation around the base, it wasnt as responsive to stimulation and i cant feel parts of it.
i started to really worry, what was supposed to heal me from my affliction is now making it worse. i flew out to san diego and saw Dr G. again, they put me through a bunch of tests and the tests involve testing the sensitivity of the penis with hot/cold temperatures and with vibration feeling. they showed that i was definitely less sensitive now. Dr Goldstein also said to me "im changing your diagnosis to a hormonal imbalance" i was so damn mad!!! this man just put me through all of this surgical b.s, reassured me that my e.d was due to a lack of blood flow in so much that he convinced me to have surgery, now he decided to change his mind to "a hormonal imbalance"!!!
i was devastated, i left with so much sadness and depression. not only did it not work but it made it worse. this has proven to be one of the worst decisions in my life, i wish that i could take it back, i wish i had never seen that tv program and that i had never heard of that doctor, i wish that i had heard of NOFAP before this mistake.
i found out about nofap about a year ago. now even though i felt defeated (as we all have throughout this journey) i also felt depressed and suicidal, i still feel like there is hope though. i have read so many great stories from so many strong people that i decided that i need to give NOFAP a try and i so i did.
in my first streak that lasted about 45 days, i noticed morning wood a couple times, i noticed erections in the showers a couple times and i also noticed that a couple times while making out with my girlfriend (ex now) that i was getting hard just by kissing her. that hadnt happened since i was a teenager. i ended up relapsing and sinking into a very deep depression, even though i had a few good signs, they were few and far in between. i just went my longest streak, it was over 60 days and then i hit a very deep depression and relapsed again. during the 60 day streak, i noticed that when i was testing my erections with out porn(which i dont recommend testing cuz for me it leads to edging and relapsing) that my dick was staying much harder then usually would, like if i had a girl there at the time then i could possibly have even had successful sex. but its like a roller coaster, like it would be good at times and horrible at other times. i relapsed after my 60 day streak, i was very disappointed and hard on myself about it. i know i can do better.
i still do not have as good of feeling in dick because of that surgery, even though i have had a couple of good things happen, they have not happened as much as i would hope. i am scared to hell that the surgery has ruined my chances of overcoming E.D, im trying to stay hopeful about it though. i know that some of you have had to have questioned it yourself, that maybe your problem is not from fapping and that it is hormonal or that it is a physical problem like not enough blood getting to your dick, i am telling u from having to learn the hard way that something like what i did was unnatural and was not what i should have done, porn is not natural and constant masturbation is not natural, i believe that NO PMO is the only real natural thing left for me to do, i believe that i need to give my body, mind and spirit time to heal and i will continue to put my faith and trust in God and in the natural healing process, it is difficult but others have overcome much harder obstacles.
this story is something that is very secretive and private in my life as i am very ashamed of what happened and very embarrassed of the surgery, it is not something that i like to talk about, however, i hope that maybe it will help somebody out there. i wish you all the best of luck brothers, thank you for taking the time to read this.
