Hello. I have not looked at porn in over 4yrs. I am 56 and started with porn when I was 13. I needed to end it so I could have a chance at real intimacy. It ruined my marriage. Is there anyone else out there who is no longer feeling drawn to look at porn? Quitting porn was just the start for me. The harder part was stopping the fantasizing of women. Being able to watch a sex scene in a movie and not fantasize about the actress and want to act out. I have gotten through all of that. I have been with someone for 5yrs and she doesn't believe it's possible for me to no longer be tempted. She can't be with me out of fear I will relapse. Is there anyone out there who's made it to where I am? Am I the only one? She thinks so and doesn't believe me. I can't find anything on the internet about successful management of porn after years of sobriety, like I am experiencing. Any help is much appreciated.
over 4yrs without looking at porn
- Thread starter Lucius
- Start date
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Awesome work on the 4 years man!
I view P as a symptom not as a cause. I view it as a coping mechanism and a self-enslavement system. Getting over P doesn't make challenges with relationships, family, business, health, purpose, etc go away.
I'd say you have grown in the last 5 years. You are not the same person you were 5 years ago. Maybe you GF still sees you the way you were 5 years ago? "She can't be with me out of fear I will relapse." -> Sorry to be blunt but that is her problem. Some insecurity issues for sure. Trust issues.
I can see how P can be viewed as infidelity by a partner. Maybe going to some licensed family and marriage counsellor might be a good idea? In terms of resources, this book comes up
Successful management of P - you are doing it already. Living your life and facing life's challenges.
I think we have problems sometimes accepting and recognising how much we have changed.
Hope this is helpful.
EW
I view P as a symptom not as a cause. I view it as a coping mechanism and a self-enslavement system. Getting over P doesn't make challenges with relationships, family, business, health, purpose, etc go away.
I'd say you have grown in the last 5 years. You are not the same person you were 5 years ago. Maybe you GF still sees you the way you were 5 years ago? "She can't be with me out of fear I will relapse." -> Sorry to be blunt but that is her problem. Some insecurity issues for sure. Trust issues.
I can see how P can be viewed as infidelity by a partner. Maybe going to some licensed family and marriage counsellor might be a good idea? In terms of resources, this book comes up
Successful management of P - you are doing it already. Living your life and facing life's challenges.
I think we have problems sometimes accepting and recognising how much we have changed.
Hope this is helpful.
EW
She either trusts you or doesn't. I know it's not easy for someone who's been hurt by our lying and deception, but only time can heal that trust, longevity and consistency.
It's kind of demeaning for you to have to search the internet high and low to find a success story like yours, and you shouldn't have to!
She should be glad that you're doing it, and you're not alone! She should be grateful for what she has, and move on from the past already.
It's kind of demeaning for you to have to search the internet high and low to find a success story like yours, and you shouldn't have to!
She should be glad that you're doing it, and you're not alone! She should be grateful for what she has, and move on from the past already.
Gardenzio
Member
Hi Lucius.
Try showing her the changes you've done along your journey. You don't need to beg her to stay with you, but if you feel something about her, show her today you are a new man, you'e changed and you are committed with the changes you've done in your life. Probably, as you reported, she may be some trust problems with you, depending on what you and your ex lived in the past.
Anyway, try doing this above. But you need to be aware she has the right to not want to stay with you anymore, for whatever reason. If so, you need to accept it, and keep going. You both maybe lived a good time together, but she is not the only one with whom you can share and live a good life.
Keep going.
Wish the best for you.
Try showing her the changes you've done along your journey. You don't need to beg her to stay with you, but if you feel something about her, show her today you are a new man, you'e changed and you are committed with the changes you've done in your life. Probably, as you reported, she may be some trust problems with you, depending on what you and your ex lived in the past.
Anyway, try doing this above. But you need to be aware she has the right to not want to stay with you anymore, for whatever reason. If so, you need to accept it, and keep going. You both maybe lived a good time together, but she is not the only one with whom you can share and live a good life.
Keep going.
Wish the best for you.