1st Time Reboot...with gf???

[narfolee]

Hey guys,

Really hoping to hear some success stories here. I'm 20 years old and am finally accepting that I have a moderately mild form of Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. I went through a dark time from ages 15-18 where I watched porn pretty much every day.

When I realized it was affecting my sex life, I tried to stop but I still haven't been able to quit for good.

I finally found a girl I really like, and while the first few weeks were amazing and I had no trouble with full erections and fast orgasms, now it seems I'm losing my boner as frequently as I'm keeping it!

Very embarrassing, very frustrating - and worst of all, the girl I like so much thinks its her! Even though it hasn't happened as frequently with other girls, I know this is MY MIND that is causing the problem and not her.

I have created false expectations for what sex should be... thinking I deserve to have someone cater to my needs like I've watched on a screen for years.

I've explained to gf that its me, and that if she's patient I will get over it. This is my last ditch effort to get back to my normal, health, self.

I HAVE QUESTIONS:

I sleep with her 3 nights a week. Should I masturbate at all when Im away from her and get horny? Quitting porn is a given. Masturbating to other fantasies and other girls is obviously not good for me... but should I just stop all masturbation and just have sexual stimulation when she gives it to me???

Anyone else try to reboot, with a girlfriend?

Stopping sex with her is not an option. The show must go on.

 

[Innocence]

Hey mate!

I would like to suggest you to read this: http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-with-a-partner

I hope this will answer your question, sadly I don't have any experience with rebooting while in a relation because I found it out after.

Best of luck and keep holding on bud!

 

[William]

Yes, you should stop PMO and MO, stay away from porn and hypersexualized thoughts, for 90 days.  It is OK, even good, if you have normal sex with her during that 90 days and don't think of porn during sex.  Make sure she and she alone is running around in your head during sex, not the last porn scene you saw.  This can rewire your reward pathways to the real deal.

Break a leg!  I mean, good luck with the show.

 

[narfolee]

PMO? MO?

 

[qrayzHD]

PMO = Porn Masturbation Orgasm and MO = Masturbation Orgasm without porn. MO of any kind is bad for your reboot but intimacy and sex with a GF is believed to speed up the rewiring process.

 

[HumbleRich]

Just like the others above said...............

In fact, want to get really serious about this?  Then make the rule that you are not allowed to touch yourself at all!  Not for a second.

She undresses you and you undress her.  She touches you, you touch her.  This will be very, very difficult.  You are used to masturbating, so even when you are with her you will get selfish and touch yourself.  This is not allowed!  In fact, go ahead and tell her about this rule.

As if this was not difficult enough.  No masturbating, at all.  Just don't do it.  If you are not having sex with her, you get nothing.

This sounds almost barbaric or masochistic at first.  But this actually rewires the brain.  You will find, even very early in, that not allowing yourself to be selfish during sex actually allows you to focus more on her.

Having sex three times a week is actually quite a lot, and definitely healthy.  Your body does not need anything more.  In fact, if you stop ejaculating outside of sex it will alleviate many of your symptoms.

If you do get symptoms, at first, use it as an opportunity to pleasure her.  Your brain is still changing.  It will take time.

Keep up the good work.

 

[HumbleRich]

Also,

1.  Learn about the female erogenous zones and start participating more actively in foreplay.  Learn how to touch her and pleasure her.  Selflessness, or focusing on her needs is a great way of making use of the extra energy you will have from not acting selfishly.  It also will help you, too.

2.  Give her a little more control.  The partner without the issues should, ideally, be in charge of sex.  Let her decide when you have sex.  This is yet another way of supporting progress. 

One of the traps we set ourselves up for is using our partner as porn.  All of us have done it, or continue to do it.  This is why the partner without the porn addiction should be in control.  She will be better able to manage a healthier sex life than you will. 

Not only is this good for preventing yourself from using your girlfriend, it can also help monitor your progress.  How you react to being denied sex really shows you how well you are doing mentally.  At first, you will likely over react.  As time passes, you will find that it is ok for her not to want to have sex. 

I am sure there is a lot that I am missing.  Come up with your own ideas too.

Keep on it!

 

[narfolee]

Thanks so much. I masturbated a few days ago - but no porn. From here on out I'll do what you've suggested. Only time its touched is when she touches it!

Thanks for support