ImBroken
Member
Got to a spot where I couldn’t keep this “in the house” and “in the therapist’s office” - My close friend circle started noticing and asking. So I have shared the current situation with my best gay and straight friends - 1 woman and 3 men. Once one phone call was done - the others came easy. I didn’t go into all the gruesome details but I gave a full account. My 3 male friends, whom all know my spouse - immediately came to my defense - They said all the things that BFFs should say to someone they love. My female friend remained somewhat impartial but empathetic to what I am going through. I have to tell you all - I feel like a took a BIG DUMP - what a relief - The past three weeks I have been constipated with all this anger and rage…now a little load has been lifted. Sadly/Gladly - the husband came back from a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting tonight - at the tail end of my 4 talks with friends - Holy Shit - did I unleash on him - I had no control - it just spewed from me like lava. I didn’t tell him anything I haven’t already said - but he heard me loud and clear. It made me feel good in the moment - it really did - I’m not feeling after guilt much - Fuck him - he brought all of this on himself. I’m no further along in my decision process of where we go after the 90 days - but I did feel good talking to friends who really care. The P addiction is just such a foreign thing to people who don’t abuse it or are married to it. As fucked up as this may sound…there are people who use porn in a healthy manner - I don’t even have a desire to look at it myself or pleasure myself since D-Day - and that I think might be a problem…I don’t want his shit transferred onto me and I refuse any form of co-dependency. Just having a final moment of a small pity party - I’ve come to the realization that if I ask for the divorce - I will live the rest of my days knowing that the greatest love of my life failed our marriage and permanently damaged me. If I stick it out - I will never trust him, believe him or love him the way I once did. There really is no winning here - resolute that I am damned if I do…damned if I don’t. I know I don’t have to make the decision today - but fuck - the obsessive thinking of the damage he brought - it takes up HOURS a day in my head and shuts me down. Prolly just rambling here - getting the residue out of my body before I try to sleep. Wishing you all peace in the week ahead…Mike
) What a F'ing dagger! But he is right. Porn is SO mainstream, SO acceptable, you'd literally have to walk them through the how the addiction progresses (what it morphs into) and every little piece of damage the addiction caused, ranging from thinking your partner is just no longer interested in you and trying to get it back to the flat out devastation it does to your self esteem (and everything in between) and then the total break in trust....how you end up questioning every picture you see of the 2 of you having fun and wonder if was ALL fake.