vhuertaste
Member
I feel really bummed out and sometimes writing gives me a bit of relief so i thought i would share my experience with you and hopefully it will be helpful both for me and anyone reading this.
I discovered i had PIED back in 2020 and quit hard mode for 10 months. After this i would get extremely horny with very strong erections every morning and very high libido in general but it was very frustrating. Because of the pandemic it was very hard to get laid so i thought it would be fine to just "release" from time to time to get rid of these strong urges. Fast forward a couple of months and instead of M-ing once a month to fantasy, i would sometimes have a glance at P as well. I would start binging for several days, fall into desperation, quit for a month or two and then relapse again. This went on for more than a year.
I thought my PIED was gone because i had reduced PMO so i tried having sex on two occasions with the same girl but even though i could hold erections for longer periods in specific poses, i was nowhere near climaxing and kind of faked as if i had come. I was more focused on pleasing her to cover my ED but this did not bring any sexual pleasure to me at all and felt more like a chore. She was an attractive girl and on paper it should have been what i wanted, but i guess our brains are really f-ed up after forming such habits.
This was a tipping point where i decided to go hard mode again but again - i was unable to last more than a month or two. It was either very strong urges or extremely, almost suicidal moods that would trigger me.
Today is day 28 of hard mode and i resisted one of those strong urges and doing this is probably one of the hardest things to do when you are an addict.
I should probably mention that i started to go to therapy and i want to tell you a little bit about this. When i went to the therapy PIED was one of the biggest issues that i wanted to deal with but was unable to do so due to my relapses. As soon as i told the therapist about my "condition" he assumed this was purely psychological and not neurological. The first thing i did was share the Ted talk by gary wilson with him and this kind of convinced him (i think) into thinking that quitting PMO alltogether was the way to reboot the brain but he also made some really good remarks about the addictions itself and where they come from.
I am quite successful in my "white-collar" career but at the same i have always been prone to various addictions: I smoke regularly (both weed and tobacco), i drink alcohol (even have a DUI), enjoy recreational drugs and of course, i have been addicted to PMO. As my therapist describes this, all of this behaviour comes from the "void" inside of me that i want to fill and was created in my childhood. In my case it was my father who was uninterested and compeletely uninvolved, even though he was providing everything material. Of course you should take everything what your therapist tells you with a grain of salt but this kind of makes sense.
Why am i sharing this with you? Well, i think each one of us who has developed this horrible habit is trying to fill this abovementioned void. If we want to get rid of PMO from our lives, it is not enough just to abstain. We have to treat our core psychological causes of our addiction forming patterns, otherwise, whenever various triggers arise, we will relapse and experience these horrible, suicidal, destructive thoughts all over again. It is so damn hard to deal with these triggers...
I am on my journey to recovery and a better life. This is a very hard and a lonely path that we are taking but i truly wish the very best for you. Whenever you feel down, just remember - it is not that bad and it will eventually pass.
Feel free to ask me any questions and it would be very interesting to hear if you have also had an experience with a therapist and what they say about this.
I discovered i had PIED back in 2020 and quit hard mode for 10 months. After this i would get extremely horny with very strong erections every morning and very high libido in general but it was very frustrating. Because of the pandemic it was very hard to get laid so i thought it would be fine to just "release" from time to time to get rid of these strong urges. Fast forward a couple of months and instead of M-ing once a month to fantasy, i would sometimes have a glance at P as well. I would start binging for several days, fall into desperation, quit for a month or two and then relapse again. This went on for more than a year.
I thought my PIED was gone because i had reduced PMO so i tried having sex on two occasions with the same girl but even though i could hold erections for longer periods in specific poses, i was nowhere near climaxing and kind of faked as if i had come. I was more focused on pleasing her to cover my ED but this did not bring any sexual pleasure to me at all and felt more like a chore. She was an attractive girl and on paper it should have been what i wanted, but i guess our brains are really f-ed up after forming such habits.
This was a tipping point where i decided to go hard mode again but again - i was unable to last more than a month or two. It was either very strong urges or extremely, almost suicidal moods that would trigger me.
Today is day 28 of hard mode and i resisted one of those strong urges and doing this is probably one of the hardest things to do when you are an addict.
I should probably mention that i started to go to therapy and i want to tell you a little bit about this. When i went to the therapy PIED was one of the biggest issues that i wanted to deal with but was unable to do so due to my relapses. As soon as i told the therapist about my "condition" he assumed this was purely psychological and not neurological. The first thing i did was share the Ted talk by gary wilson with him and this kind of convinced him (i think) into thinking that quitting PMO alltogether was the way to reboot the brain but he also made some really good remarks about the addictions itself and where they come from.
I am quite successful in my "white-collar" career but at the same i have always been prone to various addictions: I smoke regularly (both weed and tobacco), i drink alcohol (even have a DUI), enjoy recreational drugs and of course, i have been addicted to PMO. As my therapist describes this, all of this behaviour comes from the "void" inside of me that i want to fill and was created in my childhood. In my case it was my father who was uninterested and compeletely uninvolved, even though he was providing everything material. Of course you should take everything what your therapist tells you with a grain of salt but this kind of makes sense.
Why am i sharing this with you? Well, i think each one of us who has developed this horrible habit is trying to fill this abovementioned void. If we want to get rid of PMO from our lives, it is not enough just to abstain. We have to treat our core psychological causes of our addiction forming patterns, otherwise, whenever various triggers arise, we will relapse and experience these horrible, suicidal, destructive thoughts all over again. It is so damn hard to deal with these triggers...
I am on my journey to recovery and a better life. This is a very hard and a lonely path that we are taking but i truly wish the very best for you. Whenever you feel down, just remember - it is not that bad and it will eventually pass.
Feel free to ask me any questions and it would be very interesting to hear if you have also had an experience with a therapist and what they say about this.
