Yes I am a porn addict! Never thought that was a real addiction until only recently then you sit back and start to think about all the negative ways it has affected your life.
I saw my first porn when I was 14(I think) and never stopped using until now. I can still remember where i was when i saw that first video. The scene, the feelings, and the excitement, then from that point on i never stopped seeking it out. From magazines my friend and i found of his fathers, to viewing porn on dial-up, to moving away to college and having my first high speed internet connection it only grew. Through this time, I'd been caught by parents, had girlfriends, lost my virginity and had a very serious high school relationship and it never stopped or slowed down. To this point though it never had a negative effect on my life, but that was about to change.
Once, getting to college and having a high-speed connection, the real addiction began. I stopped hanging out with friends and going to class all to sit at my computer and view porn. This affected my grades causing me to fail out of one school and move to another only to have the same thing there. I was able to control it enough at the 3rd college to get by and get a degree. This is also where i met my wife so you would think it would stop there but it didn't.
The sex with her was hot and heavy at the beginning, but as life happens that is not sustainable. I would use the excuse of a very high sex drive to my wife, and she was open to the idea of me using to feel in the gaps when i was in the mood and she wasn't. What she didn't know was that i used every day no matter if i knew we were going to have sex or not. Even though it led to negative effects in the bedroom (PED and PE). I had just accepted that these would be norms that i would have to live with forever. Until i opened up to my therapist about it. Once that began it all fell into place.
My therapist introduced me to Your Brain On Porn and it just made sense. I thought the masturbation was normal and acceptable until saying the ritual i used to view it out loud. Once doing that i discovered i do have shame and i do want to stop.
As of today i am 64 days free of porn. The sex with my wife has never been better, the PED is gone and the PE comes and goes but it's never been better. I know i still need to complete the 90 days of no release but my wife and i are working towards that soon. There's still a lot of work to do but I feel like I'm on the right track.
I saw my first porn when I was 14(I think) and never stopped using until now. I can still remember where i was when i saw that first video. The scene, the feelings, and the excitement, then from that point on i never stopped seeking it out. From magazines my friend and i found of his fathers, to viewing porn on dial-up, to moving away to college and having my first high speed internet connection it only grew. Through this time, I'd been caught by parents, had girlfriends, lost my virginity and had a very serious high school relationship and it never stopped or slowed down. To this point though it never had a negative effect on my life, but that was about to change.
Once, getting to college and having a high-speed connection, the real addiction began. I stopped hanging out with friends and going to class all to sit at my computer and view porn. This affected my grades causing me to fail out of one school and move to another only to have the same thing there. I was able to control it enough at the 3rd college to get by and get a degree. This is also where i met my wife so you would think it would stop there but it didn't.
The sex with her was hot and heavy at the beginning, but as life happens that is not sustainable. I would use the excuse of a very high sex drive to my wife, and she was open to the idea of me using to feel in the gaps when i was in the mood and she wasn't. What she didn't know was that i used every day no matter if i knew we were going to have sex or not. Even though it led to negative effects in the bedroom (PED and PE). I had just accepted that these would be norms that i would have to live with forever. Until i opened up to my therapist about it. Once that began it all fell into place.
My therapist introduced me to Your Brain On Porn and it just made sense. I thought the masturbation was normal and acceptable until saying the ritual i used to view it out loud. Once doing that i discovered i do have shame and i do want to stop.
As of today i am 64 days free of porn. The sex with my wife has never been better, the PED is gone and the PE comes and goes but it's never been better. I know i still need to complete the 90 days of no release but my wife and i are working towards that soon. There's still a lot of work to do but I feel like I'm on the right track.
