Day 0
Hello everyone, I'm a 21 y/o guy who watches too much porn.
(trigger warning I think?)
I saw this forum a while back and never got around to actually committing to it even though I wanted to. I've always had an unhealthy relationship with pornography, and my fixation with the taboo only worsened with time. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I got groomed online when I was twelve in kik chatrooms where I was taught to play with my ass before I even figured out how to crank one out for myself. The secrecy and fetish of it all was just so alluring, but it served to closely link masturbating and shame in my mind. That went on for a few years until enough of the women I was talking to (yes I'm well aware they could have been old ass men behind fake profiles, let me have this) made disgusting requests and threatened to leak my photos online. I moved on, but the deep rooted kick I got out of being degraded, controlled, dominated, etc. persisted despite my best efforts. I gravitated towards more extreme fetishes as time went on, but I got it somewhat under control by the time I finished high school.
In college, I went through some rough depressive episodes and regressed to my old habits to cope by punishing my body to reflect how I felt about myself. After starting a relationship with a wonderful woman, I've learned just how warped my fantasies are compared to what I actually find attractive. I could never imagine her doing the things in the porn I watch, but I still masturbate to scratch that itch that just won't go away. I think it has affected my performance as well, for I have trouble keeping it sturdy enough to operate unless it's constantly stimulated, and using a condom is like a OHKO for the poor fella. I hate keeping this dirty little secret, so I appreciate having a safe space to air it out and finally put it to rest.
My goals are to have a better sex life, stop wasting so much time masturbating, and just all around feel better about myself because I deserve better.
Hello everyone, I'm a 21 y/o guy who watches too much porn.
(trigger warning I think?)
I saw this forum a while back and never got around to actually committing to it even though I wanted to. I've always had an unhealthy relationship with pornography, and my fixation with the taboo only worsened with time. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I got groomed online when I was twelve in kik chatrooms where I was taught to play with my ass before I even figured out how to crank one out for myself. The secrecy and fetish of it all was just so alluring, but it served to closely link masturbating and shame in my mind. That went on for a few years until enough of the women I was talking to (yes I'm well aware they could have been old ass men behind fake profiles, let me have this) made disgusting requests and threatened to leak my photos online. I moved on, but the deep rooted kick I got out of being degraded, controlled, dominated, etc. persisted despite my best efforts. I gravitated towards more extreme fetishes as time went on, but I got it somewhat under control by the time I finished high school.
In college, I went through some rough depressive episodes and regressed to my old habits to cope by punishing my body to reflect how I felt about myself. After starting a relationship with a wonderful woman, I've learned just how warped my fantasies are compared to what I actually find attractive. I could never imagine her doing the things in the porn I watch, but I still masturbate to scratch that itch that just won't go away. I think it has affected my performance as well, for I have trouble keeping it sturdy enough to operate unless it's constantly stimulated, and using a condom is like a OHKO for the poor fella. I hate keeping this dirty little secret, so I appreciate having a safe space to air it out and finally put it to rest.
My goals are to have a better sex life, stop wasting so much time masturbating, and just all around feel better about myself because I deserve better.
