Discovering the real me

[metalgod1386]

Hi Guys I will make this very short... I did have a long and nice story here and lose it because the forum session expired...

Excuse my english this is not my first language.

I started to fap at 10 with some catalogs and regular magazines (no nudes), then at 12 I had internet access in my house so the first thing I did was to look for some pornographic images.

Right now I am overweight (286lbs), not sure if that has something to do with my habit, but I started to gain weight at the same time I started with the fap... Right now I don't enjoy anything else in my life even when I have lots of blessings around me, both material and affective.
I am always tired, feel lazy, and fell asleep very late usually 2 or 3 am.

Bottom line I am a mess, I had suicidal thoughts in the past because nothing really used to make sense to me... not thinking like that anymore but I guess thats something to keep in mind.

So the reason why this journal is called Discovering the real me, it's because I don't think I am who I am supposed to be, or at least not taking advantage of my full potencial.

I have a GF for the last 8 years she really must love me because the sex is lame and infrequent... but she is still with me, she thinks this could be because of the overweight and I used to think the same, however at some point like a year ago I lost 44 pounds (I regained the weight back now) with no real difference... so It should be something else.

I came across the forum because I was researching about a bad back pain that I have, I've been in pain the last year or so... and I found that excessive masturbation could cause that, so I was more aware that my habit could be causing me lots of the problems that I have.

So I never though that porn and masturbation could be killing the real me, because as far as I knew was the only thing that I enjoyed in my life... so I am determined to change that.

I made it through 5 days without fapping (was surprisingly easy) and at day 6 I decided to fap because I was curious about how the ejaculation could be (weak ejaculation is what bothers me the most). then I fap on day 7 (no excuse for that one) that was yesterday at noon. So by today I already have more than 24 hours PMO free, and my first goal is to be like this at least one full week...
Today I feel weak again, so it must be because of the fapping the last two days...

So I will be updating this periodically, sorry if I missed something I had a very good journal before I lose it...

It feels good to tell this one to someone, I have never talked with anyone about this before.

 

[readytobefree]

Good luck! We're all in the same boat, but all headed in the right direction. I think coming here is a great step. It really helped me to journal my thoughts. If I ever considered relapsing this last week, I would look at my green counter and think "what a waste to ruin that streak".

 

[metalgod1386]

Thanks, that's true and that's why I think I will succeed in this, because now I know that I am not alone with this problem, that I am not the only one who is feeling bad about this situation, and knowing that and sharing the experiences definitely helps.

I just wanted to post a small summary of today...

So still hanging on, I don't feel any urgency about PMO or anything... I did feel more awake later on today... during the day I was very sleepy and I had a hard time trying to do my work today.

As a side note I must say that I work from home, so in the last 6 months my problem has become worse, and I used to PMO 4-5 times a day, in the morning, then during my day work (at home) and them at night... if I was't here writing this probably I would be PMO, so this is progress.

Good night guys, lets keep going, it's time to feel good again and reclaim our lives