Penisphoenix
Member
I feel like I can say that I know you all, and feel close with everyone here. I know we have never met, and hardly any of us have actually spoken to each other, but I have read each and every one of your guys' stories. I have felt your pain, your suffering, and your loss. But more importantly, I have felt your triumphs, your determination, and your manly power that we call "will". I have found inspiration in each of you, which has helped me keep pushing forward, and I'm eternally grateful for that. Because of this, I would like to give back in hopes that my method may help another man out, even if it is just one other person.
I am married, 7 years now. I have three kids, and I have a really great job. I'm a writer, film producer, and author. There's a good chance you've seen my work, but I'll never say who I am lol. I've been dealing with PIED for a long time now, maybe three years, probably four. I've always had an addictive personality, my limbic system is evidently larger than the rest of my brain
.
Sex was terrible for us, because either A) I wouldn't get hard, or B)I would come way too quickly. This prompted my wife to be unhappy with me, which of course through me into a downward spiral of further porn addiction. I started really getting into porn during my deployment overseas, and it got worse from there. I graduated from the weaker stuff, getting more and more interested in crazier porn acts and such. Bad times.
I stumbled across this site, and a few others, and immediately jumped in head first. I'm still very new to the movement, but I have made so much progress within that short span of a little over 4 weeks. I feel like I can say I am cured, and this is how I did it.
My wife and I separated from each other at one point in time recently. So, as a "single" man who has a clear sex addiction, I was going to try to get laid. At least until I cleared my head, and got my shit together. I checked out this site: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php (if you don't want to click the link yet, don't worry. I will post links at the bottom as well.) and I learned all I could, taking everything with a grain of salt. It talked about how to "be a man", and be attractive to women. After reading everything, and comparing myself to those around me, I noticed I was what they called an "average frustrated chump" or a "Mr. Nice Guy". I have a degree in psychology, so I looked at everything from a skeptical and scholarly perspective, however I did find a good amount of truth in it.
I decided it was time to go back to the old me, which was a much more confident, self reliant, beast of a man. I had become this weenie, constantly hiding my sexuality in the bathroom, watching girls all night, never being a part of it in real life. I was subconsciously ashamed of myself, and I know you were too at one point. We all feel that.
I always asked my wife, "Are you OK?", "is everything OK?". I became needy, and tried to constantly please her. Instead of being a man, and making decisions, I was being indecisive. I became afraid to upset my wife, which made me an even bigger weenie. She hated that! Why would she have sex with a guy who wasn't manly at all? So I hid in the shitter, yanking away, video after video. But that all changed.
I stopped watching porn, and I quit masturbating (hardest part). After a few days, I started to regain my confidence. I knew it was likely psychosomatic, but even so, it was working. I altered the way I thought by telling myself, "All this pent up sexual energy is making me unstoppable, and irresistible." This helped a LOT! This mindset also helped me in business.
After talking with a production company who is supposed to be funding a movie of mine, I became frustrated with the slow progression on their side. So, I told them that it was entirely unprofessional, and that I would leave to join another firm if they didn't get their shit together. It worked. All I had to do was man up on them, and be firm and assertive. I haven't been assertive since 2007! This was great!
I started to look at things in a positive way, and promised myself I would never complain about anything again. Complaining is not manly, but being optimistic is. So, I looked for silver linings in everything that happens. And you know what? I found them. I found the silver linings in everything!
After about a week of no PMO, coupled with positive attitude, I started to get morning woods again. They were only at bout 80% or so, but still, I couldn't tell you the last time I had one before that point. My wife suddenly became attracted to me again, which gave me even more confidence. I was firm with her, I was in control, I took charge, I made decisions. She ate. It. Up. Women love MEN. MEN! I became a man again. I still had a hard time having sex with her, but I was still a man, god damn it! Just because I was having issues down there, didn't mean I wasn't a man. I was finally able to get hard, but unfortunately, I came way too quick. I mean, like two fucking pumps, fellas. Embarrassing, to say the least.
I asked my doc at the Veterans' hospital to hook it up with some Viagra. I finally got them in the mail yesterday, but I don't need them now. ;D But my plan was, I was going to jerk it, then pop a viagra, wait about an hour, and then have sex with my wife, that way I'll be hard and last. BUT, that is CHEATING ON THE SYSTEM, and I could not do that. The only way this will work for me is to stay strong, and read all of your guys' stories. So thanks again for that, gents.
After a while, making sure I kept the proper mindset, and avoided PMO, I noticed women looking at me. The other day, I no shit got "eye fucked" by a young hottie at the store. Either this was always going on, and I was too wrapped up in getting home so I could PMO to notice it, or my new found "mojo" set the stage. I don't know, but whatever it was, it was working!
This was giving me an even bigger boost, and more moxy to kick that PMO habit right in the sack. So, i decided to talk to people. Smile and talk to them. Nothing sexual, nothing flirtatious and I would even talk to dudes so that there was nothing sexual going on. Holy shit, everyone ate that up! I was able to command the room! People listened when I spoke, and they always broke eye contact first. I felt like an "alpha".
I hit a low point, though. I got real depressed out of nowhere, and I lost my "mojo". I became clingy to my wife again, and I lost sight of what my goals were. I read on here that sometimes that happens during recovery, so I stuck it out. However, this lead me to ask my wife for a divorce, because I thought she was having an affair. She saw that I was willing to walk if shit didn't go my way, and she realized again that I am my own man, with my own rules. It made her want me even more, but I was upset, and didn't want her in my life.
I got out of the depressed slump, finally, and went to get a haircut. The woman who cut my hair was the owner, she owned that hair place, and one other. She was maybe 35 (I'm 27), and she was hot. OH MAN, she was throwing all kinds of signs my way. At this point, it had been about 4 weeks since my mindset change, and about 3 no PMO. She kept getting close, and I really laid the swagger down. I won't apologize for my boasting, I deserve to boast, and you all do too. She touched my shoulder, and started rubbing it, and kept dropping hints that she's single. Then she touched my leg, for like, a really "awkwardly" long time. Gentlemen, it was working!
I accepted my wife back, with clear boundaries put in place. Within just a few days, things became amazing! I was able to get hard, NO PROBLEM. Know what else? I was able to last! Sex was great, but there was so much more than that. We could talk for hours about anything and find it fun. I was able to make her laugh her ass off so hard. I haven't been able to make her laugh or smile in like, a year!
I had no desire to horde all my sexual energy in the bathroom with the women on the screen. It overflowed from me, I couldn't control myself. All it took was kissing her, and caressing her, and Private Johnson stood at attention. Our sex went from just fucking to get off, to connecting on another plane of existence. I don't remember sex being this amazing!
Just to keep things simple, here's a list of everything I did that I think helped:
1.) Read the So Suave articles
2.) Stopped watching porn
3.) Stopped masturbating
4.) Stretched in the morning with some meditation
5.) Kegels and reverse kegels
6.) Exercise
7.) Have sex, and don't worry about "failing"
8.) RELAX
You know, I can't really stress this enough. Performance anxiety is no joke, and will kill a man's very will to survive. The porn addiction is ruining your sex life, which in turn perpetuates performance anxiety. It's like a double whammy. You have to stay relaxed. If you don't get hard, or lose your erection, so what? So fucking what? I know it sucks, it's not fun, but guess what? You are still a man, and you have man shit to do. The erections will come in time (pun intended). Silver linings, gents. If you can't get hard, or stay hard, just go down on her (or him, whoever your partner is) to keep her happy. If you have to masturbate because going down on her is turning you on, please do not use a death grip, and be gentle, and slow. The key is to rewire your sexual desires to a partner, and not your hand.
What I think has helped a lot in my relaxing in bed, is I smoke weed. I love weed, and yes, it helps me to relax and it makes me horny. She smokes it with me, and gets pretty horny too, and the sex is so much more fun when you're relaxed. You don't have to smoke weed, the point is you have to relax. I agree, it's easier said than done, but it will come in time.
I hope this helps at least one of you, the way you all have helped me. Remember to stay strong, and look for those silver linings because they are there.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php
http://www.girlsaskguys.com/flirting/a2617-stop-being-nice-guy-and-learn-attractive
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/14/mr.nice.guy.backlash/
I am married, 7 years now. I have three kids, and I have a really great job. I'm a writer, film producer, and author. There's a good chance you've seen my work, but I'll never say who I am lol. I've been dealing with PIED for a long time now, maybe three years, probably four. I've always had an addictive personality, my limbic system is evidently larger than the rest of my brain
.Sex was terrible for us, because either A) I wouldn't get hard, or B)I would come way too quickly. This prompted my wife to be unhappy with me, which of course through me into a downward spiral of further porn addiction. I started really getting into porn during my deployment overseas, and it got worse from there. I graduated from the weaker stuff, getting more and more interested in crazier porn acts and such. Bad times.
I stumbled across this site, and a few others, and immediately jumped in head first. I'm still very new to the movement, but I have made so much progress within that short span of a little over 4 weeks. I feel like I can say I am cured, and this is how I did it.
My wife and I separated from each other at one point in time recently. So, as a "single" man who has a clear sex addiction, I was going to try to get laid. At least until I cleared my head, and got my shit together. I checked out this site: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php (if you don't want to click the link yet, don't worry. I will post links at the bottom as well.) and I learned all I could, taking everything with a grain of salt. It talked about how to "be a man", and be attractive to women. After reading everything, and comparing myself to those around me, I noticed I was what they called an "average frustrated chump" or a "Mr. Nice Guy". I have a degree in psychology, so I looked at everything from a skeptical and scholarly perspective, however I did find a good amount of truth in it.
I decided it was time to go back to the old me, which was a much more confident, self reliant, beast of a man. I had become this weenie, constantly hiding my sexuality in the bathroom, watching girls all night, never being a part of it in real life. I was subconsciously ashamed of myself, and I know you were too at one point. We all feel that.
I always asked my wife, "Are you OK?", "is everything OK?". I became needy, and tried to constantly please her. Instead of being a man, and making decisions, I was being indecisive. I became afraid to upset my wife, which made me an even bigger weenie. She hated that! Why would she have sex with a guy who wasn't manly at all? So I hid in the shitter, yanking away, video after video. But that all changed.
I stopped watching porn, and I quit masturbating (hardest part). After a few days, I started to regain my confidence. I knew it was likely psychosomatic, but even so, it was working. I altered the way I thought by telling myself, "All this pent up sexual energy is making me unstoppable, and irresistible." This helped a LOT! This mindset also helped me in business.
After talking with a production company who is supposed to be funding a movie of mine, I became frustrated with the slow progression on their side. So, I told them that it was entirely unprofessional, and that I would leave to join another firm if they didn't get their shit together. It worked. All I had to do was man up on them, and be firm and assertive. I haven't been assertive since 2007! This was great!
I started to look at things in a positive way, and promised myself I would never complain about anything again. Complaining is not manly, but being optimistic is. So, I looked for silver linings in everything that happens. And you know what? I found them. I found the silver linings in everything!
After about a week of no PMO, coupled with positive attitude, I started to get morning woods again. They were only at bout 80% or so, but still, I couldn't tell you the last time I had one before that point. My wife suddenly became attracted to me again, which gave me even more confidence. I was firm with her, I was in control, I took charge, I made decisions. She ate. It. Up. Women love MEN. MEN! I became a man again. I still had a hard time having sex with her, but I was still a man, god damn it! Just because I was having issues down there, didn't mean I wasn't a man. I was finally able to get hard, but unfortunately, I came way too quick. I mean, like two fucking pumps, fellas. Embarrassing, to say the least.
I asked my doc at the Veterans' hospital to hook it up with some Viagra. I finally got them in the mail yesterday, but I don't need them now. ;D But my plan was, I was going to jerk it, then pop a viagra, wait about an hour, and then have sex with my wife, that way I'll be hard and last. BUT, that is CHEATING ON THE SYSTEM, and I could not do that. The only way this will work for me is to stay strong, and read all of your guys' stories. So thanks again for that, gents.
After a while, making sure I kept the proper mindset, and avoided PMO, I noticed women looking at me. The other day, I no shit got "eye fucked" by a young hottie at the store. Either this was always going on, and I was too wrapped up in getting home so I could PMO to notice it, or my new found "mojo" set the stage. I don't know, but whatever it was, it was working!
This was giving me an even bigger boost, and more moxy to kick that PMO habit right in the sack. So, i decided to talk to people. Smile and talk to them. Nothing sexual, nothing flirtatious and I would even talk to dudes so that there was nothing sexual going on. Holy shit, everyone ate that up! I was able to command the room! People listened when I spoke, and they always broke eye contact first. I felt like an "alpha".
I hit a low point, though. I got real depressed out of nowhere, and I lost my "mojo". I became clingy to my wife again, and I lost sight of what my goals were. I read on here that sometimes that happens during recovery, so I stuck it out. However, this lead me to ask my wife for a divorce, because I thought she was having an affair. She saw that I was willing to walk if shit didn't go my way, and she realized again that I am my own man, with my own rules. It made her want me even more, but I was upset, and didn't want her in my life.
I got out of the depressed slump, finally, and went to get a haircut. The woman who cut my hair was the owner, she owned that hair place, and one other. She was maybe 35 (I'm 27), and she was hot. OH MAN, she was throwing all kinds of signs my way. At this point, it had been about 4 weeks since my mindset change, and about 3 no PMO. She kept getting close, and I really laid the swagger down. I won't apologize for my boasting, I deserve to boast, and you all do too. She touched my shoulder, and started rubbing it, and kept dropping hints that she's single. Then she touched my leg, for like, a really "awkwardly" long time. Gentlemen, it was working!
I accepted my wife back, with clear boundaries put in place. Within just a few days, things became amazing! I was able to get hard, NO PROBLEM. Know what else? I was able to last! Sex was great, but there was so much more than that. We could talk for hours about anything and find it fun. I was able to make her laugh her ass off so hard. I haven't been able to make her laugh or smile in like, a year!
I had no desire to horde all my sexual energy in the bathroom with the women on the screen. It overflowed from me, I couldn't control myself. All it took was kissing her, and caressing her, and Private Johnson stood at attention. Our sex went from just fucking to get off, to connecting on another plane of existence. I don't remember sex being this amazing!
Just to keep things simple, here's a list of everything I did that I think helped:
1.) Read the So Suave articles
2.) Stopped watching porn
3.) Stopped masturbating
4.) Stretched in the morning with some meditation
5.) Kegels and reverse kegels
6.) Exercise
7.) Have sex, and don't worry about "failing"
8.) RELAX
You know, I can't really stress this enough. Performance anxiety is no joke, and will kill a man's very will to survive. The porn addiction is ruining your sex life, which in turn perpetuates performance anxiety. It's like a double whammy. You have to stay relaxed. If you don't get hard, or lose your erection, so what? So fucking what? I know it sucks, it's not fun, but guess what? You are still a man, and you have man shit to do. The erections will come in time (pun intended). Silver linings, gents. If you can't get hard, or stay hard, just go down on her (or him, whoever your partner is) to keep her happy. If you have to masturbate because going down on her is turning you on, please do not use a death grip, and be gentle, and slow. The key is to rewire your sexual desires to a partner, and not your hand.
What I think has helped a lot in my relaxing in bed, is I smoke weed. I love weed, and yes, it helps me to relax and it makes me horny. She smokes it with me, and gets pretty horny too, and the sex is so much more fun when you're relaxed. You don't have to smoke weed, the point is you have to relax. I agree, it's easier said than done, but it will come in time.
I hope this helps at least one of you, the way you all have helped me. Remember to stay strong, and look for those silver linings because they are there.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php
http://www.girlsaskguys.com/flirting/a2617-stop-being-nice-guy-and-learn-attractive
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/14/mr.nice.guy.backlash/
