TheRookie9876
New Member
Hi everybody, my name is Anthony and I am a 25 year old just starting my reboot one week ago. I hope this is not too long and will admit this Journal is to help me because I have not succeeded in the past at rebooting. I am in no position to help anybody yet unfortunately. So here it goes...
I started on porn at the age of 17, before any sexual activity. I masturbated probably only 2-3 times a week for the first year. Then I got into deeper stuff beyond vanilla sex, kinky and fetish type stuff. I was feeling such a rush from those videos I was jerking it 2-3 times daily for a while. So that went on until I got a girlfriend when I was 20, then I slowed down on the porn because I knew we were going to have sex soon. One day we are making out and she says she is ready and of course I am excited/nervous whatever, we go up to my room and I grab the condom, get into bed and something is not right. I am as soft as I am when I get out of a cold pool, its like it has shrunk. So I give her some excuses whatever, and she has to go home anyways so its no big deal. I tell her next time it will be better. She leaves, I go on the internet, look up what I can, nothing except anxiety, maybe I was too nervous. Stupidly I go find porn to check my penis and bam im hard and jerk it real quick, so its not a physical problem i think. Long story short, we tried multiple more times and I didnt get better, we broke up weeks later. I have failed with many more women over the past few years, never been in a relationship, confidence shot. For some reason I am still a happy guy, decent job, loving family and a good life outside the bedroom. Its like im blessed with everything and cursed with one real problem that is so devastating I had to join this forum, I had to start writing to help myself. I put on such a fake persona with my friends I cant stand the lies anymore, I need to fix this.
I had rebooted with no PMO for 60 days, twice in the last couple years before I relapsed basically because I had nobody to test myself with so I gave up. Thats all changed now. I have a friend (a girl Ive known, we are not dating but she knows about my problem and wants to help.) This friend is stunningly beautiful, a nice girl and we spent a night together a week ago and I told her how I couldnt get erect for sex. She understood after I explained and because we are friends she is willing to be there for me, so we spooned and that in itself was great for me cause its been so long. The only problem is I can only see her once a month because she lives in a different state but that might work to my benefit. My goal is simple, have sex with this beautiful girl and gain sexual confidence.
So I am just beginning this long journey, only one week of no PMO but I have the motivation ive needed. First goal 30 days, then I will see her and tell her my progress and we will probably make out and spoon. Then 60, 90 and so on. Unfortunately from what ive read here I may need that 6-12 months and although it will be tough, I believe the combination of this forum and my beautiful friend, I have the help I need. Thank you guys for reading this, its nice to be able to express my secret problems.
I started on porn at the age of 17, before any sexual activity. I masturbated probably only 2-3 times a week for the first year. Then I got into deeper stuff beyond vanilla sex, kinky and fetish type stuff. I was feeling such a rush from those videos I was jerking it 2-3 times daily for a while. So that went on until I got a girlfriend when I was 20, then I slowed down on the porn because I knew we were going to have sex soon. One day we are making out and she says she is ready and of course I am excited/nervous whatever, we go up to my room and I grab the condom, get into bed and something is not right. I am as soft as I am when I get out of a cold pool, its like it has shrunk. So I give her some excuses whatever, and she has to go home anyways so its no big deal. I tell her next time it will be better. She leaves, I go on the internet, look up what I can, nothing except anxiety, maybe I was too nervous. Stupidly I go find porn to check my penis and bam im hard and jerk it real quick, so its not a physical problem i think. Long story short, we tried multiple more times and I didnt get better, we broke up weeks later. I have failed with many more women over the past few years, never been in a relationship, confidence shot. For some reason I am still a happy guy, decent job, loving family and a good life outside the bedroom. Its like im blessed with everything and cursed with one real problem that is so devastating I had to join this forum, I had to start writing to help myself. I put on such a fake persona with my friends I cant stand the lies anymore, I need to fix this.
I had rebooted with no PMO for 60 days, twice in the last couple years before I relapsed basically because I had nobody to test myself with so I gave up. Thats all changed now. I have a friend (a girl Ive known, we are not dating but she knows about my problem and wants to help.) This friend is stunningly beautiful, a nice girl and we spent a night together a week ago and I told her how I couldnt get erect for sex. She understood after I explained and because we are friends she is willing to be there for me, so we spooned and that in itself was great for me cause its been so long. The only problem is I can only see her once a month because she lives in a different state but that might work to my benefit. My goal is simple, have sex with this beautiful girl and gain sexual confidence.
So I am just beginning this long journey, only one week of no PMO but I have the motivation ive needed. First goal 30 days, then I will see her and tell her my progress and we will probably make out and spoon. Then 60, 90 and so on. Unfortunately from what ive read here I may need that 6-12 months and although it will be tough, I believe the combination of this forum and my beautiful friend, I have the help I need. Thank you guys for reading this, its nice to be able to express my secret problems.