concupiscent
New Member
OK. First my situation:
I didn't even really know what sex was until I saw my first porn movie back when I was 11 yrs old! Before that I had read playboy magazines, but didn't really make the connection until I saw sex performed in a VHS movie. That's when I first started getting a sex drive in the first place; It never was a natural sex drive, always porn induced from day 1. Even then, from day 1, I think that I had somewhat of an ED problem as I don't think that I ever really had an erection before then!!!
Way back then I only saw a couple of porn films at that age. From which I had to jerk off to fantasies I had of the girls that I personally knew. I had to wait until I was 14 to get other porn VHS's from school friends. I used to hide them in my ceiling tiles at home and watch them, every time I had the chance(If my parents were gone for the evening, i'd masturbate to the same video for a few hours). I was definitely hooked!!
I never really had any relationships in high school or college. So, porn is the only sex that I really had until I decided to hire a prostitute when I was 18 yrs old, from which I could not attain an erection(although she was very hot). Hired another one again when I was 20; thinking that i'd feel more comfortable with an older female, got partially hard, but could not finish(yet I wasn't really attracted to her). Had another one at 21, from which the same thing happened; I couldn't finish(only I was attracted to her)!!
So, at 22 I went on a local classified site searching for an older woman for discreet encounters. I was extremely lucky enough to find a sexy, wealthy, married asian woman who was 15yrs older than me. We met and I had sex with her for 2.5 hours straight(probably because of a delayed ejaculation problem), and the first time I had ever ejaculated with a woman from which I came on her face. We continued having sex for almost a year! From which I didn't have much of an ED problem with her; maybe occasionally, but we only had sex 1 or two times per week. And I would not masturbate at all(unless she was on a vacation) during that time as I wanted to satisfy her by keeping myself as hard as i possibly could for her. I fell in love with her and she broke my heart in half.
My porn viewing was extreme by the time I was 18 or so. My family didn't get high speed internet until I was around 18. But, not long after I was into Bukakke porn, group sex, and really into MILF and cougar porn. And became 'obsessed' with finding older female to have sex with me, online. I eventually managed to find a few older women that I managed to have sex with or just get a blowjob. The problem with most women though, is that they don't know how to stroke it properly. I only met one woman in my life who actually jerked me off the exact way that I would do it(only better as she would blow me at the same time); I should have held on to her.......
I was heavily into blowjob and bukakke porn and I think it kinda made me have 'gay' thoughts, from which I had tried giving a bj to a guy once and it ended up being kinda gross actually... I also got into rimjob porn, probably because I didn't understand it(and still don't)!! But, that made me feel kinda gay. It still turns me on watching a woman give head and a rimjob. But, I know that I naturally wasn't into that as a teen(well I always liked watching women give head, but when I actually opened my mind enough that I would like to try it, ugghh.. yeah), so it's kinda gay and want to get my brain back to normal..
The thing is, can I actually 'reboot' back to having a completely 'natural' sex drive? Considering that I didn't know what sex was until I saw my first porno. In my mid-20's people would think I'm a freak as I actually believed(and still do believe) that it is completely normal to cum in a girls mouth! I know that porn probably did that to me, but it is only normal to me from the porn that I initially watched. So, can my brain ever 'really' get back to normal from this type of conditioning?
I am 31yrs old now and have never had a real girlfriend before. Never really dated anybody. And I had sexual experiences with about 20 different women.
I should mention that I think that I have schizoid disorder(after reading the DSM). I am very introverted and very isolated(always have been). I always thought I was just shy as that is what other people would tell me, but I don't think of myself as 'shy'. Not sure if that is porn related or not either...
Any advice would be appreciated!!
I didn't even really know what sex was until I saw my first porn movie back when I was 11 yrs old! Before that I had read playboy magazines, but didn't really make the connection until I saw sex performed in a VHS movie. That's when I first started getting a sex drive in the first place; It never was a natural sex drive, always porn induced from day 1. Even then, from day 1, I think that I had somewhat of an ED problem as I don't think that I ever really had an erection before then!!!
Way back then I only saw a couple of porn films at that age. From which I had to jerk off to fantasies I had of the girls that I personally knew. I had to wait until I was 14 to get other porn VHS's from school friends. I used to hide them in my ceiling tiles at home and watch them, every time I had the chance(If my parents were gone for the evening, i'd masturbate to the same video for a few hours). I was definitely hooked!!
I never really had any relationships in high school or college. So, porn is the only sex that I really had until I decided to hire a prostitute when I was 18 yrs old, from which I could not attain an erection(although she was very hot). Hired another one again when I was 20; thinking that i'd feel more comfortable with an older female, got partially hard, but could not finish(yet I wasn't really attracted to her). Had another one at 21, from which the same thing happened; I couldn't finish(only I was attracted to her)!!
So, at 22 I went on a local classified site searching for an older woman for discreet encounters. I was extremely lucky enough to find a sexy, wealthy, married asian woman who was 15yrs older than me. We met and I had sex with her for 2.5 hours straight(probably because of a delayed ejaculation problem), and the first time I had ever ejaculated with a woman from which I came on her face. We continued having sex for almost a year! From which I didn't have much of an ED problem with her; maybe occasionally, but we only had sex 1 or two times per week. And I would not masturbate at all(unless she was on a vacation) during that time as I wanted to satisfy her by keeping myself as hard as i possibly could for her. I fell in love with her and she broke my heart in half.
My porn viewing was extreme by the time I was 18 or so. My family didn't get high speed internet until I was around 18. But, not long after I was into Bukakke porn, group sex, and really into MILF and cougar porn. And became 'obsessed' with finding older female to have sex with me, online. I eventually managed to find a few older women that I managed to have sex with or just get a blowjob. The problem with most women though, is that they don't know how to stroke it properly. I only met one woman in my life who actually jerked me off the exact way that I would do it(only better as she would blow me at the same time); I should have held on to her.......
I was heavily into blowjob and bukakke porn and I think it kinda made me have 'gay' thoughts, from which I had tried giving a bj to a guy once and it ended up being kinda gross actually... I also got into rimjob porn, probably because I didn't understand it(and still don't)!! But, that made me feel kinda gay. It still turns me on watching a woman give head and a rimjob. But, I know that I naturally wasn't into that as a teen(well I always liked watching women give head, but when I actually opened my mind enough that I would like to try it, ugghh.. yeah), so it's kinda gay and want to get my brain back to normal..
The thing is, can I actually 'reboot' back to having a completely 'natural' sex drive? Considering that I didn't know what sex was until I saw my first porno. In my mid-20's people would think I'm a freak as I actually believed(and still do believe) that it is completely normal to cum in a girls mouth! I know that porn probably did that to me, but it is only normal to me from the porn that I initially watched. So, can my brain ever 'really' get back to normal from this type of conditioning?
I am 31yrs old now and have never had a real girlfriend before. Never really dated anybody. And I had sexual experiences with about 20 different women.
I should mention that I think that I have schizoid disorder(after reading the DSM). I am very introverted and very isolated(always have been). I always thought I was just shy as that is what other people would tell me, but I don't think of myself as 'shy'. Not sure if that is porn related or not either...
Any advice would be appreciated!!