Went 68 days and relasped by MO (to erotica) and just now after almost going 3 weeks (AND having my first ever wet dream in my life) I relapsed by PMOing. That's right, I gave in and watched porn, Fully PMOing, not once, but twice for the first time in almost 3 months. I'm just so frustrated and scared I'll never get better. Here, I was making progress and now I feel like this huge relaspe messed everything up. I know people say just no PMO is not enough: you must change your lifestyle but it's so hard to change everything. I'm always going to have some alone time and it's those times that the urge to want to PMO or at least edge are the strongest.... As much as I wanna make it past way more the. 90 days and beat this addiction, it's just really degrading when relapses keep happening... The first was after 68 days and it was pure accidental but this time was only 3 weeks and I just gave in, knowing the consequences but not strong enough to fight off the urge... I feel like I'm trying so hard but my mind and body are growing tired and weak especially with all this up and down behavior I've been doing.... Fml.
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Why is this so hard?
- Thread starter Cyrus
- Start date
Hang in there partner. You are doing the right thing by reaching out on here. It's good to remind yourself that the guilt, shame, and despair you feel from relapse is part of the addictive cycle. Recovery comes by breaking that cycle. You might see my other posts on here, but I always recommend Sex Addicts Anonymous. I struggled with relapses as well at the beginning of recovery, I'd be lucky to make it a few days. Then I saw a therapist who recommended SAA: best advice I ever got. It helps you to understand what the addictive cycle is. It seems you are really trying and willing yourself to quit but your addiction is too strong. This is the nature of addiction. It overpowers us and does what it wants with impunity and cares little for our morals, values, or ambitions. In the 12 steps we learn that addiction is an incurable disease, but we can live a life that we want through practicing the steps in our daily lives. I'm not into religion at all, but this program has helped me tremendously. It's all about admitting that you are powerless to your addiction. When I did that, I admitted that I could not do this on my own and embraced recovery in working the steps and going to meetings regularily. I also recommend reading Patrick Carnes, Out Of The Shadows, a very precise and in depth look at sexual addiction, including porn addiction.
I don't know how old you are, but one of the things I found interesting when first learning about PA was that it tends to take longer for younger guys than for older guys because of how young they were when they started. It's just something to keep in minds. I hope you don't keep beating yourself up over this relapse. You may have relapsed, but you did go a significant amount of time before, so that probably means you can do it again.
Think back... when you went all that time, what were the things that you think helped you the most?
I know you said that it's hard to change everything, and I know what you mean. Take making overall healthy choices and me for example. I never realized that my lifestyle habits we as bad as they were (I'm not obese or anything, but I was by no means fit-healthy either and I desperately wanted to be). I would go on exercise and diet binges thinking that I had everything planned out and all that was left to do was just stick to it. I never could because it was just too drastic of a change.
Instead, eventually what I started to do was simply monitor what I was eating. It took some effort, but it was no where near the effort it took to diet and exercise like I had been trying. From monitoring that, I was able to quickly see where my biggest follies were, and started making small substitutions here and there, or limiting without all together removing things. Because I'd started with baby steps, I ended with an overall healthier eating habit that I could manage. It was literally baby steps too. It took over a year before the average number of calories I consumed and the sources they came from was at a healthy and sustainable level-and stayed that way.
My point is, you have already made huge strides and it's important to keep in mind. Don't let a relapse wash it all away. Make changes in your life but take your time and do things at a pace that works for you. You're already struggling to quit an addicting activity. Don't make yourself struggle in other places too.
Think back... when you went all that time, what were the things that you think helped you the most?
I know you said that it's hard to change everything, and I know what you mean. Take making overall healthy choices and me for example. I never realized that my lifestyle habits we as bad as they were (I'm not obese or anything, but I was by no means fit-healthy either and I desperately wanted to be). I would go on exercise and diet binges thinking that I had everything planned out and all that was left to do was just stick to it. I never could because it was just too drastic of a change.
Instead, eventually what I started to do was simply monitor what I was eating. It took some effort, but it was no where near the effort it took to diet and exercise like I had been trying. From monitoring that, I was able to quickly see where my biggest follies were, and started making small substitutions here and there, or limiting without all together removing things. Because I'd started with baby steps, I ended with an overall healthier eating habit that I could manage. It was literally baby steps too. It took over a year before the average number of calories I consumed and the sources they came from was at a healthy and sustainable level-and stayed that way.
My point is, you have already made huge strides and it's important to keep in mind. Don't let a relapse wash it all away. Make changes in your life but take your time and do things at a pace that works for you. You're already struggling to quit an addicting activity. Don't make yourself struggle in other places too.