reboot bot journal

[reboot bot]

Hi all

Im 30 years old, and have been with my partner around a year. Before that ive had two or three none serious relationships and a very poor sex life. I substituted intercourse for masterbation. During the time with my current partner, i have never been able to perform as i believe i should, suffering from both ED and DE. At first i put my lack of performance down to nerves( and to an extent still do, but know now its not the sole problem). I got online and for 6 months depended fully on golden root herbal enhancements to get it up, but even so, still suffered from DE.

In may of this year i came clean to my partner who is fully understanding of my struggles. We try to work together to sort my little man out. I came off the tablets and for a while did "ok" at best. During this time i read somewhere about the link between masterbation and lack of performance ( but at this point didnt see it as the big problem these sites outline) i tried to stop porn use and go purely for imagination with some small results. Soon fell back into heavy porn use however. I have seen a doctor and all came  back clear, even telling me my testosterone levels are extremely high ( still of safe levels). I just couldnt understand my issues.

Then light bulb moment. Researching yesterday brought me across the the 90 day challenge and it intrigues me. I can see clearly all the issues i read about in my own life. not just the ED and DE,  but the poor memory, anxiety, and craving to masterbate.

If im completely honest, although i can see i have an issue with porn, i believe the bigger problem for me is masterbation in general. this is why im going all the way and only allowing myself only intercourse with the partner. No P,no M,no O no PMO.

Just a question as I Begin though,  what effect do performance enhancing pills like viagra have on the reboot process. Ive still got some left and have been wondering about using them again.


Well, thats my story

 

[reboot bot]

Day 3

Feeling positive so far. I dont know if thats down to the newness of the challenge still or something else but spirits are high at the moment.

Obviously ive had a couple of moments where ive been tempted to have a dabble downstairs, but generally u find flicking to this forum is enough to quell any temptation.

Dont know whether its me imagining things or not but i seem to be getting twitches from my little guy, as if telling me "hey!! Im still here!!" They have actually made me smile aa rather than see it as temptation im finding it strengthens my motivation. I also feel bigger aswell, as though now im not draining myself daily there is actually something left in me.

Been reading the journals alot and im thankful my story seems minor in comparison to some. Ive never actually gone too far down the road with this and im hoping ive saved myself before i plummeted. Some of you guys really have it tough.

 

[didgeridude]

Hey reboot bot, I can relate to what you are going through. I think I'm in a similar position - more of an addiction to MO than P. If anything, I've become dependent on P to achieve MO, but I don't think I'm necessarily "addicted" to P (not to the extent many in here are). Maybe I'm in denial/mistaken, but I believe the indicator was that I generally had zero desire to watch it if I wasn't also going to MO. But I started to see signs that troubled me (unable to MO without P), some ED issues, and I have always had DE as long as I've been sexually active. The DE had been getting worse and worse to the point where I seldom got off during sex. I thought that was just the way my body is, but it does seem like P was a big culprit. MO is far harder to eliminate than P for me.

Anyway, I'm interested to see how things go for you. Stay strong!

 

[reboot bot]

Thanks for the support didgerdude. Think ill need it through this programme.

Day 7

Right, thats been a week since i last M'd. Thats the good news. Kind of proud of that. Surprised how easy i found it tbh. The bad news is my gf just left for home after we had sex,  but there has been little to no improvement. I had it in my head after a week with no O of any kind my little guy would be well up for it and explode on impact. I got it up once, for around a minute, then he flatlined. After a painfully long period of time i got it up again, but i lost it almost immediately. Took the step of taking a little blue pill, but even after the hour wait it still wasnt as proud and hard as it should be. I couldnt even climax.

I know its not a quick fix solution but this way of having sex is not sexy or intimate
It takes all the pleasure out of it and i dont want it to be like this. My partner deserves better. Hell, I deserve better. How long is it before i start to see real improvement? Im beating myself up here and i know thats only going to add negative weight to my issue but im a very self conscious person. I cant pull my mindset around from that, unless anyone has any ideas.

 

[CrateDane]

What I have done the few times I have had sex after starting this is to focus on my girlfriend, I find great enjoyment in giving her a good time and dont desperately need (although I look forward to getting to that point) the orgasm myself to have a good sex experience. The cuddling, kissing, groping and so on is great and giving her oral gives me great enjoyment as well.
I think if you can tell your girlfriend (and yourself) before sex start something like: "I probably cant get it up today but its ok, the rest of the sex will still be great and it is not your (the GF) fault, do not worry about and just enjoy the sex, do not feel guilty that you get an orgasm even if I dont". and it will probably remove much of the pressure on you, making you enjoy the sex as well without having to focus on getting that erection.

 

[reboot bot]

Thats probably great advice dane. I might try that. Ive been feeling myself getting weaker on the porn side of things these last couple of days.still havent m'd but ive found myself looking at topless images on google. Now i know this isnt heavy, no where near other stuff ive used in the past but it is a step in the wrong direction. I need to re evaluate things and reaffirm why i am doing this.

 

[reboot bot]

Day 10

Made positive moves today. Ive found my cravings are bigger and more apparent when im home, bored and alone, so consequently ive made steps to put this right. Ive got rid of the xbox, which is just a brain dead activity, and set myself up with a learning course to sort my none existant career out. It will require a vast amount of theory preperation for a test at the back end of next month. Gunna try and et my head stuck into that if i begin to feel the urge.

Still not M'd, which im kinda proud of. Got the missus round tonight again, so gunna take cratedanes advice and try and concentrate on her

 

[reboot bot]

Day 11.

Took advice off cratedane last night when me and the gf made moves in the bedroom. Made it solely about her. Didnt even think about getting it up. Have to say its the best sex we have had.

I did actually get it up for an extended period. Didnt climax, and eventually lost it. But the signs are there. Things are looking up. So glad i found this programme. More determined than ever to stick with it

 

[CrateDane]

Glad to hear that the evening went well. Good for you both!

 

[reboot bot]

ABSOLUTELY BUZZING!!!

Last night i did it. Got it up, lasted, and climaxed!! Without any issues at all. This is a seriously big thing for me. Its the first time ever.

I know im far from the end of the road. Just because ive done it once there is no guarantee ill manage it time after time, but its mist definately something to build on. Ive been abstaining from M for 2 weeks now and ill most definately be carrying on with it. Its strengthened my resolve. Even my partner can see the diffrence in me.

I know from the start mine wasnt the most serious case on here. But it just goes to show this programme works

 

[reboot bot]

Seriously guys you need to carry on pushing through this cos the results are so worth it. Me and my partner have been at it like rabbits the last few days. Im a new man. Full of confidence, up like a spring and lasting as i should while still climaxing.

Im not jumping the gun just yet i still believe i need to control other urges i still get, but i can confidently turn to the gf now and know i can pleasure both her and me.

Ive been supplementing this no M programme with taking iron supplements which boosts your testosterone and a combination of this i feel has worked wonders for me.

Keep going guys you can do this. My journey might.not.be as difficult as yours but even so, if i can make inroads so can you

 

[reboot bot]

Shit

I went and did it. Completely out of the blue. Went and PMO'd. Completely out of the blue. Hate myself for it. Thought i was doing so well as well. Not got a clue why. Can only think its because its the gf's time of the month and action has been limited. I allowed myself to get bored, and this is the result. 28 days in total. Not a bad effort all in all but not what i hoped for. Must do better.

With the gf i still seem to be having trouble climaxing. Keeping it up has been no real issue but ive struggled to go all the way.

 

[ntg2978]

It's ok man, don't get down on yourself, because that's how the addictive cycle works...we feel bad, we turn to P or MO to feel better, and the we feel bad again afterwards.  To break out of the cycle, replace your thoughts with something totally different, like maybe a goal you want to hit in another area (such as working out) or something else you like doing.  And as Gabe said somewhere here, just cause you had a relapse after 28 days does not mean that you've undone 28 days worth of working on your brain, you took 28 steps forward, and 1 step backward, so just get right back on the horse and go again man.  Keep up the good work!