steven_gordon
New Member
Am 38, have been a 25 year addict, started with dad's video tapes, then friends tapes in college
and then eventually internet porn. Had a 6 year gf during the tapes phase (did pretty well first 3-4 yrs), then broke up,
got internet porn, had new gf (did well first two years), and got married, two kids.
Was able to reboot last November for a year, masturbating every 3-4 days, but no porn.
Then this November decided that, I wouldn't say "wanted to go back", but no longer saw the point of
fending this off. I went to a go to online site. Tried to stave this off, only going once in 7-10 days.
But I used 3 times today. I am not even able to remember what the trigger was this morning. I just decided that I needed to masturbate, and needed porn's assistance to do so (I think it was just after a shower, and I wanted to clean the pipes out, was that what it was....???) The second time I just felt compelled to go back. I am not even sure what led to the third.
I'm not sure if I could describe any particular stress at the beginning of the day (just wife/kids yelling. my daughter didn't put her socks away - this seemed totally unrelated as the first strike occurred hours later).
My counter is at 60 minutes or so.
I just decided to write after this, I've not written here before.
I am pretty frustrated because I was able to quit for a year, and realized how bad it made things for my relationship with my
wife, but then I realized despair, and fell back in, and now it seems I am falling back in fully.
Have not had sex in 3 years, relationship is loveless with wife, we are co-parenting. I have not cheated, but I am convinced that she did between three and four years ago.
I am grateful for the fact Christmas is coming soon, and then my trip away from home for a few days with the kids, so hopefully I won't be tempted to use away, and can use the break to re-establish a streak.
I am getting depressed writing this. Have looked at this site before a handful of times, and listened to a few of the online audio / podcast bits. OK I've got to step away, and handle this one day at a time...
and then eventually internet porn. Had a 6 year gf during the tapes phase (did pretty well first 3-4 yrs), then broke up,
got internet porn, had new gf (did well first two years), and got married, two kids.
Was able to reboot last November for a year, masturbating every 3-4 days, but no porn.
Then this November decided that, I wouldn't say "wanted to go back", but no longer saw the point of
fending this off. I went to a go to online site. Tried to stave this off, only going once in 7-10 days.
But I used 3 times today. I am not even able to remember what the trigger was this morning. I just decided that I needed to masturbate, and needed porn's assistance to do so (I think it was just after a shower, and I wanted to clean the pipes out, was that what it was....???) The second time I just felt compelled to go back. I am not even sure what led to the third.
I'm not sure if I could describe any particular stress at the beginning of the day (just wife/kids yelling. my daughter didn't put her socks away - this seemed totally unrelated as the first strike occurred hours later).
My counter is at 60 minutes or so.
I just decided to write after this, I've not written here before.
I am pretty frustrated because I was able to quit for a year, and realized how bad it made things for my relationship with my
wife, but then I realized despair, and fell back in, and now it seems I am falling back in fully.
Have not had sex in 3 years, relationship is loveless with wife, we are co-parenting. I have not cheated, but I am convinced that she did between three and four years ago.
I am grateful for the fact Christmas is coming soon, and then my trip away from home for a few days with the kids, so hopefully I won't be tempted to use away, and can use the break to re-establish a streak.
I am getting depressed writing this. Have looked at this site before a handful of times, and listened to a few of the online audio / podcast bits. OK I've got to step away, and handle this one day at a time...
