In trouble

[bumblerino]

Guys, I'm in trouble.

I started my reboot just over a few months ago and I haven't watched porn since. Back when I used to watch I used to have cam shows with one particular woman. In this whole time I haven't had any form of intimacy with anyone as I find it difficult to socialise with people let alone meet women.

About a week ago we started chatting again - just normal chats via Skype (no provocative language). I mentioned the possibility of us meeting and she has said that she would meet for a weekend for 3k. Now I know full well that she just needs the money. Other than trusting me enough to meet me there's no other feelings at her end.

At this stage I'm finding it impossible to resist going. Partly because of my general lack of intimacy but also because this is a woman who I have a soft spot for and is some one I have fantasised about. I did try to set up a meeting with her before my reboot and resisted but this time I don't seem able to decide against it - my brain is just saying "do it".

She knows about my ED issues and that i'm rebooting but again - as long as she gets the money it's obviously not an issue for her. She didn't say that but that's how I read the situation. I've not paid her yet but right now I can't stop myself going through with it.

 

[Poker]

The only good to come of this is she'll make 3k.  That's all.  It will not be one of your cherished memories.

I have used professionals in the past. I am not judging. I get it, really.  If you go through with it, just understand it is what is... A business transaction.

  From my experience, business transactions leave you feeling more empty inside...
 
However, sometimes it feels like it is the only option you have...

You are chasing intimacy and  a feeling of being important to someone...  I don't think you'll find it down the road you are going...

Good luck my friend, what ever you decide, we are here for you.

Cheers,

p.

 

[Poker]

Right after I posted, I realized...  You already know the answer.  You titled the thread "In Trouble".

You can back out.  The person you owe anything to is you.

Cheers,

 

[Fappy]

She needs the money? Well she should get a job then. Or go on welfare or something. Shes willing to sell her filthy beaten body for 3k to you and how many other guys.
Tell her to stick her 3k up her dirty arse and crawl back to the gutter where she belongs.
How the fuck does she use skype anyway? A stolen computer? Where does a prozzie get a computer from, all that cock money i bet.
Anyway dont do it. Save your sanity and your cock energy

 

[bumblerino]

Thanks for your responses all. I agree with you "Poker" - like you I have visited professionals in the past and it does leave you feeling more empty. I guess I've built up an infatuation with this particular person and I have just been curious to experience her.

And I think you're right too "Fappy" - she's earning a thousand per week just doing the webcam job so she can't be short of cash. And even if she hasn't met any other guys in person like this - she doesn't know me so why is she so ready to earn this 3k? I could be a psycho for all she knows. I guess to be fair to her, jobs don't pay well where she is based so I can half understand the webcam job.

I won't be rude about it, but I'll tell her it's off. She'll never speak to me again afterwards as I've done the same thing once before but I don't suppose that's any loss for either of us.

It's interesting how the very next day my brain is able to start rationalising better. Clearly some of the neural pathways in my brain are still in a tangle so I'm still unsure as to whether the reboot is working.

 

[bumblerino]

Well there you go. For those of you who read my first post in this thread, I told her just now that I couldn't go through with it. Predictably, her immediate response was to delete her contact details - of course I did that immediately and happily. But it just goes to show she was interested in one thing and it wasn't me. What beggars belief is I helped her out a bit last month - sent some money (no not 3k - just a bit). So her angry reaction means she'll not get a dime from me again - surely a shrewd cam girl would have strung me along for as long as possible?

Yes, a gentleman shouldn't be using a cam service in the first place. But for those who find it extremely difficult to find a companion, this is often a desperate last resort. And women like this are fully aware of this and will treat the guys as prey and it's a shame that she can just get away with it. Is money really worth that much to them? I'm not even mad at her - just at myself for nearly going down this route again. The scary part is how I can sometimes lose total control like this - possibly down to the hypofrontality principle? Luckily I pulled it back this time but who knows if there will be a next time.

 

[Poker]

Its dopamine......  The cam thing is porn.....  It will get you every time dude.

Also....  you need to start assessing what you are telling yourself.....  seriously.  If you tell yourself you can't get girls or whatever....  that will happen.  If you tell yourself its all about attitude, then its all about attitude.

let me say it another way......  Gene Simmons may be the ugliest M*th#r F#ck%r  on this planet.....  but he had the greatest attitude towards getting women to want to be with him.

I am not suggesting your me will bang 10 000 women.....  I am suggesting though that your attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. 

You need to be consciously aware of what you tell yourself, and how you feel about yourself.  Then change it. 

Cheers!

p.

 

[Fappy]

Well done. Dont give that filthy whore a cent! She is the personification of your addiction, just a rotton illusion trying to trick you into relapsing.
Shell now go and find another to leech onto

 

[didgeridude]

She sounds like a perfect example of a parasite in your life. You're unquestionably better off without her and anyone like that.

 

[Phase2]

When I first gave up porn (before I really knew anything, before reboot or ybop) i figured it was ok to give up porn but not the cam because the cam was a real person on the other side and since I was interacting with a human it was ok. Now I know better. It's all illusion--your brain playing tricks on you. It's just a different version of it. You have to give up the cam, not to mention all the other triggers too once and for all. Just today I deleted a couple contacts from my phone who were fuckbuddies. All the triggers have to go: Clothes, addresses, phone numbers, websites, profiles, apps, etc. You feel so much more relaxed when they are gone and you don't have to negotiate with yourself anymore. Congrats for not giving in to the cam girl. Stay strong!