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mlhl
Guest
Hey Everyone!
My name is Michael, I'm 27. I had a sexual disorder since I was 9, because one of my cousins took advantage of me. At first, I didn't know anything about sex, being raped was a horrible experience because, I didn't know what to do, I grew up that I had to allow him to do whatever he wants. And then, I started to thought to have sex with a lot of people was a natural thing. I learned how to masturbate myself even when I couldn't ejaculate. When I was on elementary school others guys always tried to talk about sex and touch your butt joking. In the high school it was the same thing. I had no direction, some guys in the school wanted to have something with me and I didn't feel it was a good or bad thing. I had sex in the classroom two times. It was a hard time without sexual orientation, I never told my parents or siblings about this. My family was going through serious problems and I didn't have confidence to tell them the true of my past life.
One day, in 2000, I discovered that my older brother had gay porn on our computer. He always used the computer and one day I wanted to search all the .jpg files, and then I saw a lot of naked guys. And I was shocked, I just watched all those pictures and I didn't know what to do.
I started deleting all those pictures, until one day he told me: I know you were deleting my files. It's my life and you don't care.
I couldn't tell anyone about I was going through, I was living day by day thinking that jerking off it was a good thing. I did it everyday...
In 2002 I stared attending one church, and most of things in my life started to change. My cousin wanted to have sex with me, but I didn't let him. I didn't wanted to have sex. In 2003 I become a religious person. I knew that I had to stop masturbating, but I couldn't do it. I had the opportunity to watch unintentionally porn in the TV cable and in some situations when I saw something related with sex like a explicit music video or movie scene I always wanted to go to the bath and masturbate.
In 2005, I learned that masturbating its a addiction, and I decided to avoid it and years passed by. In 2010 I wanted to know how was a virgin girl looks like and this was my first time when I searched Google for porn... and then I couldn't stop. I searched a lot of porn videos for topics, length, etc.
Being a religious guy, knowing that I was too wrong. I tried to avoid all those bad things but it wasn't successful. Years later, in 2013 when I was bored I found Omegle, at first I just wanted to meet people. But then I saw a lot of guys showing their bodies and showing their private parts, I couldn't fight with that. And the last year, I had a hard time doing sex cam with random people jerking off.
Since this January I made a decision, to became a religious guy again, but a guy who makes big efforts to be clean and avoid situations that could take me to pornography. Since I become a religious I didn't have sex anymore. But masturbation and porn were a big trouble in my life.
I have to admit that when you are into that, you are not happy, my health wasn't good, I avoid to make good relationships with good people, I lost the opportunity to be with an amazing girl. Porn always took me to the dark side, remembering all the bad things I passed when I was a child. From the bottom of my heart I don't want to have sex with any guy. I'd like to recover someday and be able to have a family.
I know I have to do so many things to heal my mind and my heart. I know God and my efforts can help me to change and to say in this life: It was possible.
Actually I made a commitment to avoid masturbating and watching porn since 2015. I'm doing my best. But I want it last forever...
If you have advices or successful experiences I'd like you to share with me.
My name is Michael, I'm 27. I had a sexual disorder since I was 9, because one of my cousins took advantage of me. At first, I didn't know anything about sex, being raped was a horrible experience because, I didn't know what to do, I grew up that I had to allow him to do whatever he wants. And then, I started to thought to have sex with a lot of people was a natural thing. I learned how to masturbate myself even when I couldn't ejaculate. When I was on elementary school others guys always tried to talk about sex and touch your butt joking. In the high school it was the same thing. I had no direction, some guys in the school wanted to have something with me and I didn't feel it was a good or bad thing. I had sex in the classroom two times. It was a hard time without sexual orientation, I never told my parents or siblings about this. My family was going through serious problems and I didn't have confidence to tell them the true of my past life.
One day, in 2000, I discovered that my older brother had gay porn on our computer. He always used the computer and one day I wanted to search all the .jpg files, and then I saw a lot of naked guys. And I was shocked, I just watched all those pictures and I didn't know what to do.
I started deleting all those pictures, until one day he told me: I know you were deleting my files. It's my life and you don't care.
I couldn't tell anyone about I was going through, I was living day by day thinking that jerking off it was a good thing. I did it everyday...
In 2002 I stared attending one church, and most of things in my life started to change. My cousin wanted to have sex with me, but I didn't let him. I didn't wanted to have sex. In 2003 I become a religious person. I knew that I had to stop masturbating, but I couldn't do it. I had the opportunity to watch unintentionally porn in the TV cable and in some situations when I saw something related with sex like a explicit music video or movie scene I always wanted to go to the bath and masturbate.
In 2005, I learned that masturbating its a addiction, and I decided to avoid it and years passed by. In 2010 I wanted to know how was a virgin girl looks like and this was my first time when I searched Google for porn... and then I couldn't stop. I searched a lot of porn videos for topics, length, etc.
Being a religious guy, knowing that I was too wrong. I tried to avoid all those bad things but it wasn't successful. Years later, in 2013 when I was bored I found Omegle, at first I just wanted to meet people. But then I saw a lot of guys showing their bodies and showing their private parts, I couldn't fight with that. And the last year, I had a hard time doing sex cam with random people jerking off.
Since this January I made a decision, to became a religious guy again, but a guy who makes big efforts to be clean and avoid situations that could take me to pornography. Since I become a religious I didn't have sex anymore. But masturbation and porn were a big trouble in my life.
I have to admit that when you are into that, you are not happy, my health wasn't good, I avoid to make good relationships with good people, I lost the opportunity to be with an amazing girl. Porn always took me to the dark side, remembering all the bad things I passed when I was a child. From the bottom of my heart I don't want to have sex with any guy. I'd like to recover someday and be able to have a family.
I know I have to do so many things to heal my mind and my heart. I know God and my efforts can help me to change and to say in this life: It was possible.
Actually I made a commitment to avoid masturbating and watching porn since 2015. I'm doing my best. But I want it last forever...
If you have advices or successful experiences I'd like you to share with me.
